Sister's Birthday Present - mini rant

Ames

I just need to have a bit of a rant.

Sister's just told me what she wants for her birthday. For once, it's not expensive (unlike the Christmas that she announced she wanted a food processor).

I'm a little bit narked though because she never gets me anything. I can't remember the last time she got me a birthday present. Last year really hurt because it was my 30th (yes, I know it's not an important one, but it was to me).

She doesn't usually get me anything for xmas either, unless I'm going to be seeing her on the day.

She didn't get me anything last xmas, or for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. So I think it's a bit off for her to be telling me what to get her. To be fair though, I was abroad for xmas and my birthday.

I can't say anything about her not getting me anything, because she lives in London on a low wage and can't afford it. A little token present would be nice though. Or even a card.

I think I'm just feeling a bit underappreciated by my family (dad didn't get me a birthday present either) at the mo. I know I'm sounding selfish and materialistic, but I'm really not - I don't want anything lavish or expensive. Even just their time would be good. I got back from holiday bursting to tell them about it, but neither could be bothered to give me five minutes to talk, it was just straight into their lives. (I've just realised how childish that sounds!)

I think I'm also worrying about sister moving back up here in the summer, things didn't go well (massive understatement there) last time she lived here.

Anyway. Thanks for reading (if anyone did). /rant

BitterAndTwisted

You're not sounding selfish and materialistic, you're being taken advantage of and being taken for granted. Stop buying presents or get her a token one or a card. Stop being played like a fiddle

Ames

I know that's what I should do, but it's just not that easy. My mental health problems, all the problems that we've had in the past, the family relationships. It's really hard for me to take a stand, and when I do I end up caving in under pressure.

junior_j

I also personally feel you should just get her a token some thing of a card. She can't expect just to get what she asks for x

BitterAndTwisted

Honestly, you really don't need to take a stand. Being honest about your feelings is not taking a stand. Just tell your sister the next time she mentions her damned birthday that you'll buy her precisely the same as she bought you for yours. Nasty, selfish, greedy girl.

When you've caved in under pressure in the past people know exactly how to push you around. They've done it before so now they're experts at it. Don't be pushed. You don't have to be rude about it or anything, just don't be pushed around and used by a selfish, greedy girl

sharrison778

Taking a stand doesnt have to be the same thing as picking a fight.

Get your sister a card. If she grumbles, innocently say to her that you think thats what you two should do for each other on birthdays now, since you're not children anymore.

If she's smart, she'll pick up on your meaning.

If she's not and she continues to grumble aboout not getting a present, ask her if she can remember what she got you for your birthday a few weeks ago. if she's a half way decent human being, that should be sufficiently embarassing to shut her up.

nonnatus

Give her one of those Joke cards that say stuff like:

This year I got you something REALLY big and expensive...

...Sister opens card in suspense...

Unfortunately it wouldn't fit in the envelope so you got this card instead :rotfl:


She might get the hint. I wonder how she justifies the inequality in her own mind of never giving but always expecting to receive?

floss2

In our family, the adults don't exchange presents unless it is a zero-birthday - 30 / 40 / 50 etc. We did all used to receive a gift from our mum before she died.

I agree with the others - card only, and if any comment, ask her to remind you what she bought you for your 30th.

It will save you fretting about how to spend your hard earned cash on someone who obviosuly doesn't appreciate it.

xbrenx

Wow.. did you get her a food processor? (I'll be your sister) lol.

Joking aside, is it possible for you to be somewhere else on her birthday? If you're using the excuse for her that you were abroad then it should work the other way round too.
I do feel for you, it's very difficult to break the tradition but you really must try.
Good luck

victory

It doesn't necessarily have to be tit for tat or making a stand, just lower your giving of birthday/xmas presents gifts, you say that your sis asked for a food processor for xmas can you afford it? Are you expected to? Just lower it and say I will not be getting you this because it is out of my price range but I am happy to get you a card or whatever you are happy with giving

Hezzawithkids

sharrison778 wrote: »

Taking a stand doesnt have to be the same thing as picking a fight.

Get your sister a card. If she grumbles, innocently say to her that you think thats what you two should do for each other on birthdays now, since you're not children anymore.

If she's smart, she'll pick up on your meaning.

If she's not and she continues to grumble aboout not getting a present, ask her if she can remember what she got you for your birthday a few weeks ago. if she's a half way decent human being, that should be sufficiently embarassing to shut her up.

Totally agree. If you're that narked then stop buying gifts for people that don't appreciate them and move on.