Sister's Birthday Present - mini rant

balletshoes

Ames wrote: »

Sister's just told me what she wants for her birthday. For once, it's not expensive (unlike the Christmas that she announced she wanted a food processor).

so you say, "lovely, I hope you get it. I'm not doing birthday pressies anymore, falling in line with the rest of the family now".

Stephb1986_2

What gets me the most is I buy lovely presents for everyone but in return I get nothing but rubbish from the pound shop I'd rather have nothing than some rubbish cluttering the house

Steph xx

Ames

junior_j wrote: »

I also personally feel you should just get her a token some thing of a card. She can't expect just to get what she asks for x

That's the problem - she does always expect to get what she wants, and usually does. Last time I said 'no' to her she said she'd taken an overdose and slit her wrists - I called an ambulance and it turned out to be a lie.

sharrison778 wrote: »

Taking a stand doesnt have to be the same thing as picking a fight.

Get your sister a card. If she grumbles, innocently say to her that you think thats what you two should do for each other on birthdays now, since you're not children anymore.

If she's smart, she'll pick up on your meaning.

If she's not and she continues to grumble aboout not getting a present, ask her if she can remember what she got you for your birthday a few weeks ago. if she's a half way decent human being, that should be sufficiently embarassing to shut her up.

I doubt she would pick up on my meaning.

nonnatus wrote: »

Give her one of those Joke cards that say stuff like:

This year I got you something REALLY big and expensive...

...Sister opens card in suspense...

Unfortunately it wouldn't fit in the envelope so you got this card instead :rotfl:


She might get the hint. I wonder how she justifies the inequality in her own mind of never giving but always expecting to receive?

She justifies it, I think, by the fact that she's skint. A few years ago, last time she lived in Leeds, she was unemployed and I was buying her food. (I'm disabled and on income support). When it started hitting £80 a week I told her she had to cut it to £30 tops. That's when the incident above happened.

She just has absolutely no concept of other people and how her actions affect them. None at all. It wouldn't even cross her mind that not getting me a present has any bearing on me getting her one.

Ames

xbrenx wrote: »

Wow.. did you get her a food processor? (I'll be your sister) lol.

Joking aside, is it possible for you to be somewhere else on her birthday? If you're using the excuse for her that you were abroad then it should work the other way round too.
I do feel for you, it's very difficult to break the tradition but you really must try.
Good luck

I did get her one, but the cheapest I could find.

It doesn't matter if I see her on her birthday or not. She just won't see the relevence.

victory wrote: »

It doesn't necessarily have to be tit for tat or making a stand, just lower your giving of birthday/xmas presents gifts, you say that your sis asked for a food processor for xmas can you afford it? Are you expected to? Just lower it and say I will not be getting you this because it is out of my price range but I am happy to get you a card or whatever you are happy with giving

I'm on IS and no, the things she asks for are usually above my budget for her present. Although this time what she wants (so far) is less.

j.e.j. wrote: »

It sounds like your sister has gotten used to things they way they are. Are you the older sibling by any chance? She probably hasn't even thought to question how one-sided the situation is. I must admit my younger brothers never get me a card or present (and it's not that they can't afford it), but they don't dish out lists of 'wants'. Your sister does sound a bit childish. I think in future I would just buy a small present in advance, before she forwards you her birthday list, or just get her a card.

I did that once, bought her something when I saw it a few months before xmas because it was something she'd mentioned she needed. When I told her 'I've already started my xmas shopping and got yours' she laughed and asked why I was wasting my money on something before I knew what she wanted.

Yes, I'm the older sibling.

marcowil

With all due respect to you, you need to stop being walked over and do to your sister exactly what she does to you.
You already know the threats she makes wont come to anything by past experience so just call her bluff. She'll soon learn to stand on her own two feet if she doesnt have her fallback any longer

*Louise*

Ames wrote: »

That's the problem - she does always expect to get what she wants, and usually does. Last time I said 'no' to her she said she'd taken an overdose and slit her wrists - I called an ambulance and it turned out to be a lie.



.

WHAT?:mad: Good grief, just because you weren't funding her shopping anymore?:eek:


You have to stand up for yourself and see her as the spoilt little brat she is - stop letting her emotionally blackmail you.

Don't get her anything!!

Ames

Sorry about all the posts, I can only ever seem to multiquote three messages at a time.

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Hi op I know where your coming from, my fiances dad did the same to us we bought him a parrot hands free kit for his car and a DVD box set we got nothing not even a card. The worse thing I find is that he gave my fiances sister £100 in a card. My fianc! puts a roof over his head which he doesn't pay towards at all, he leaves the metres gas and electric with nothing on them leaves no food for his own dog and just bu ggers off for a week at a time expecting us to look after his dog when my fianc! works 4 nights a week 4pm till 6am

If I was you I'd save the money and not get her anything my brother treated me the same I always bought for him and he never bought for me so I stopped buying he asked my mum why so she told him why

Steph x

Really sorry to hear you've been through the same.

jillymit wrote: »

Is it your 'baby' sister?
I suspect it's not really the gift that's bothering you but the apparent lack of thought for you by your family. A card isn't beyond most peoples budget and you probably would have been very happy to at least receive one. Sister doesn't 'do' cards, she says they're a waste of time. TBF though I agree with her.
Some people really have no though for others feelings and because you are able to afford to buy these gifts and outward appearances tell then you're fine and better off than some (able to take a holiday) they make the mistake of thinking she's ok, I'll not bother. I think that's true. They know I'm on benefits, but I think they've fallen into the 'benefits are a fortune and allow a life of luxury' way of thinking. They only reason I could afford a holiday was because mum died last year and I got an insurance payout. Sister got the same amount, used it to pay off her debts, and within a couple of months has run the debts back up again. Which is why I feel so bad about asking for presents - she really can't afford it. A text saying 'happy birthday' would have been nice though.
No forethought, no hidden messages just selfishness really.
For what it's worth, I know how you feel and I don't think you're being materialistic at all.
It would be a bit awkward to mention to either of them that they 'forgot' your birthday I think but you should say something and your Sisters birthday and her gift list is the ideal opportunity.
Send her a lovely 'you're the best sister ever' type card and next time you speak to her (especially if she has the cheek to complain about the lack of gift) say something along the lines of, "I know it's only a little thing but I think that 'family' is so important, I chose that card really carefully for the message in it. I think we should just EXCHANGE cards from now on."
If she doesn't like it tough! You've lost nothing in my opinion but at least saved yourself the anguish every year when you let them hurt your feelings.

jillymit wrote: »

Reading StephB's post given me another idea.
How about mentioning to your Sister about how hurt/sad you are that you Dad didn't send you a card, I did - that's when she saw the ideal opportunity, as we were talking about birthdays, to tell me what she wanted me to get her! especially as it was you 30th and then mention to your Dad about you disappointment over her not bothering. He'd stick up for her.
Don't mention anything about them, I bet they won't say anything but the message will get through. I really don't think it would.
If you want to buy your Sister a gift, buy her what you want to because you want to not because you feel you have to (you don't!)
HTH.
:bdaycake: Happy Belated 30th Birthday Ames Thanks.

I think I've been a bit confusing, it was my 31st this year, my 30th last year. I didn't get anything from either of them this year, but dad did send me a text. Last year I didn't get anything from her, and he forgot until evening when he dashed to the supermarket for a card and random DVD.

pearl123

Ames - if you don't want her to treat you her certain way - then it up to you to stop it. Your sisters dyfunctional behaviour (suicide treats) is not your problem. She treats you as an easy target to hand over cash and get want she wants!

It quite simple your money is yours only. After hearing how much money you've spent on you sister re food. I'd say don't even send a card. You've spent more than enough money on her already!

Surely..you are now wise to her tricks by now. OP - from now on spend on yourself not on them.

Ames

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Ames - what do you want from this? A rant and for it to continue? To change but do it nicely? To have a mass blowout?

That's a really good question, and I've been asking myself that since I posted. I think, over this, I just want to have a moan. If I'm going to stand up to her (and dad, he takes her side) then it's going to be over the big stuff. Like the carp going on with sorting out mum's house, or things that are bound to happen when she moves back up here. On the other hand, standing up to her over this might stop things slipping back to how they were before, make her think twice about walking over me again.

*Louise* wrote: »

WHAT?:mad: Good grief, just because you weren't funding her shopping anymore?:eek:


You have to stand up for yourself and see her as the spoilt little brat she is - stop letting her emotionally blackmail you.

Don't get her anything!!

Yes she did... there are quite a few threads scattered over these boards about the things she's done.

balletshoes

Is your sister 17 years old or younger? If not, time she sorted herself out, and its not up to you to hold her hand and bale her out time and again.