Sister's Birthday Present - mini rant

Ames

It does occur to me - I have mental health issues, so it's not out of the realm of probablity that she will too.

But when she took an overdose the psych who saw her said she didn't have any mental illness, it was just a reaction to a situation.

She refuses to see anyone about the possibility of it though in case she loses her job. When she took the overdose, it went on her records. She applied for a job in America, working with children, and her GP had to make a report. She put down about the overdose and they withdrew the job offer. As she works in schools, she's scared of that happening again.

somethingsgottogive

I just wanted to say that you are no more 'materialistic' or 'childish' than anyone else would be if they felt that they weren't appreciated. The way you're thinking and feeling doesn't make you a bad person and I can see just from the OP that you think you're somehow not worthy of feeling slighted - but you are xx

cheeswright

theres lots of good advice here but it all really falls into the following categories

passive - I'll buy her what she wants ( putting others unhealthily before yourself leading to low self esteem and the relationship WILL deteriorate as you will be resentful)

passive aggressive - buying her what she wants but dissing her behind her back - perhaps on an internet forum? - bad for your self esteem - the relationship will deteriorate as you will be resentful)

Assertive - telling her you dont want to buy her expensive gifts anymore - soften this with something genuinely nice if you like such as "but you really appreciate that she likes your taste perhaps you could go shopping together sometime"

or

Agressive - ****d off I'm not buying you anything !! ( your relationship will deteriorate and you will feel really bad about yourself

I appreciate this is quiet a clinical breackdown of the possibilities - but sometimes you have to clarify what you want ...I'm not suggesting any of these is an exact answer for you - theyre too simplistic - but maybe it might help you clarify what you want

cheeswright

have i killed this thread - or has it reached its natural end ?

I just ask as I seem to be the last post on....well ..most of the threads I post on

Mojisola

cheeswright wrote: »

have i killed this thread - or has it reached its natural end?

I think you summed it up well.

I wonder if Ames will come back and tell us what she's decided to do?

Ames

I'm still thinking about what to do.

I think that next time I speak to her I'll just say that since she didn't get me anything I'm not getting her anything. I need to spell it out as she wont understand subtlety! Then just see how it goes from there.

pinkshoes

I'd just get her a card, not say anything, and not think about it any more. My bro is always broke, so we agreed just to do cards for birthdays.


I know blood is thicker than water, but what do you actually get from your relationship with your sister? All tgis worrying and stressing, I presume she's also really nice to you in other ways?

Ames

She's not really nice to me, no. I get very little out of it, but her and dad are the only relatives I have.

pinkshoes

Ames wrote: »

She's not really nice to me, no. I get very little out of it, but her and dad are the only relatives I have.

Do you have lots of friends? Do you NEED to stay in contact with your dad and sister?

I know they are "relatives", but what does that actually mean? There is no rule in life that means you HAVE to stay in contact them, even if they're mean to you!

Personally I'd just send birthday and Christmas cards, then make no other effort to contact them. Your friends can become your new family!

pyjamadays

my sister never buys me or my kids anything for xmas or b'days but i always buy for her and her son. i have no answer really, it bugs me a bit but i like to buy for them so not really a problem. she has never asked for a specific thing tho! thats a bit cheeky!