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Help please, am i being miserable?

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  • I'm obviously a stroppy cow who doesn't take any nonsense from anyone, especially from family but I wouldn't be making any excuses for anything, Experience has told me that if you don't want to do something, you just don't. No reasons given, it just gives people the opportunity to open up a discussion about it and think they can talk you round. Saying "sorry can't" means you don't have to tell your sister that you'd rather drink your own wee than spend a whole weekend, or any part of it, in the company of people so loathsome and unwelcoming.

    Sorry, but your sister sounds vile
  • Oh gosh sounds like a nightmare! tbh if it was me I would tell them you are very sorry but on this occasion you are unable to attend, although it all sounds lovely (yeah right). Every boxing day my husband, me and 2 kids are EXPECTED its not even a choice to all meet up with his family on boxing day, if we were close I wouldn't mind. It used to be at his nans but this year it was at my husbands uncles and I hated every minute of it, we were stuck in the corner his brother and sister didn't speak one word to us all evening, the uncles mum has a drink problem and was helping herself to drink all evening and another aunty doesn't talk to her son and daughter in law so she was trying to avoid them. My husband couldn't drink because we live 20 miles away so he was driving and we had to leave early anyway as we have 2 kids under 5. All the time I was thinking I could have spent the time at home. Family a!
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    "Dear Sis, thanks for the invite - it sounds fabulous but unfortunately we can't make any of the weekend's events. We'll make it up to BIL by giving him an extra special present - love, your sis."
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • pukkamum
    pukkamum Posts: 3,944 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Errata wrote: »
    "Dear Sis, thanks for the invite - it sounds fabulous but unfortunately we can't make any of the weekend's events. We'll make it up to BIL by giving him an extra special present - love, your sis."
    Fabulous advice everyone i am going to try the just sorry can't come, but what do i say if she asks why (and she will).
    I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.
  • pukkamum wrote: »
    Fabulous advice everyone i am going to try the just sorry can't come, but what do i say if she asks why (and she will).

    Well done Lady.:D

    Mention a friend of hers, any one of the nose looker downers will do.:D

    Say. " you can't bear to be in the same room as them!"
    I'm not that way reclined

    Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparently-manipu... OH, IT'S A TIARA! A tiara; I have a tiara! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!
  • Please don't put yourself through the miserable Monday which will inevitably follow attending this absurdly over the top party. All you have to do is send your apologies and, with the money you save, send a tasteful present and a nice card. You shouldn't have to explain your actions to your sister, but if she presses you, tell her you need every spare penny for your first foreign holiday in SIX years. If she loves you, she'll understand and if her husband's such a pain, you shouldn't waste any time worrying about what he thinks. It sounds like you and your husband are far too good for him and his friends anyway and life's too short to talk to people you don't like.
  • This really is a no brainer. Why would you want to spend all that time and money with such awful people??

    OP just tell your sister that you are unable to make it as you are saving for your family holiday, and your kids enjoyment is more important than a bunch of boozy k n o b s!

    It hardly sounds a family friendly weekend?

    Good luck :D
  • pukkamum wrote: »
    Fabulous advice everyone i am going to try the just sorry can't come, but what do i say if she asks why (and she will).

    The one way to drive people mad, who are trying to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do is to just not respond. "Sorry, we can't make it". No reason, no explanation. Over and over.

    Why do you feel you must explain yourself to her? Presumably you're a grown woman with a family, with responsibilities, She's not your Mum or that frightening headmistress at school. Your world does not revolve around her, the sun. If she presses you, just tell her you think she's being rude for wanting to know and get involved in your family life. Make her feel guilty for poking her nose in.
  • I cannot for the life of me understand how she would expeect you to fork out such a huge amount just for a 40th,reguardless of it being a family member.(shakes head in disbelief)
    When it was my partners 50th I scrimped and saved,did shed loads of overtime and earned enough money to invite 40 of his friends for a chinese buffet,it took a year saving it but it was so worth it.
    I wouldnt of dreamed asking them for the price of the buffet,after all it was me inviting them to celebrate my partners birthday.
    It was a fantastic evening and at the end of it unbeknown to me they had a whip round for me as a thank you but I still wouldnt accept it.
    In the end I asked my partner who would he like the money to go to and he decided Help For Heroes and thats where the whip round went to.
    Just tell them you cant afford it and have fun at home knowing you have saved yourself an absolute fortune.And look forward to your holiday!!
  • My OH doesn't really get on with his family for much the same reasons, mainly them thinking they are above the rest of us in every way. He doesn't bow down to anything they do or say anymore and certainly wouldn't put himself out of pocket to go to anything they said he had to. And he certainly won't go to any 'family' gathering anymore just to be insulted by people who, yes, in his case might be rich, but know nothing about the real world and are not really nice people. And he wouldn't go into details about why he couldn't go, as said, just say you can't make it and be firm.

    If you really feel you need to be at something that weekend, just do the lunch bit, then you have shown your faces and then let them get on with the rest.
    If you really do not want to go then just say that. Tell them that you're saving for your holiday and/or have other plans/work things you can't break.

    I learnt a long time ago not to let family or anyone for that matter stress me or make me feel like I had to do something. It's your life, your weekend and your money. And you're holiday that you will have a much better time on than that weekend.
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