Help please, am i being miserable?

Lotus-eater

That's the most selfish birthday invite I've ever seen!

No one I know would ever send anything like that! And if they did, I certainly wouldn't be going.

Money_maker

gingin wrote: »

I would just say that you are sorry and as they might already be aware funds are stretched but would they like to come to yours for a special birthday meal in his honour, when they are free.

^^^^^^^^^^^ I'd do this. Sounds as though the sunday lunch alone will set you back over £100 - outrageous to expect you to pay all that for one family meal.

Also means they'll have to do the driving too...

faerie~spangles

I wouldn't bother going or worrying about whether or not my sis' was offended.

You don't like her husband or friends, they in turn talk down to your husband. Yet you are being expected to fork out quite a lot of money for the pleasure of spending a weekend with these people. I wouldn't do it.

For me its a no brainer, send a card with your apologies.

If you sister makes a fuss just explain calmly that there's only so much money in the pot and a holiday with your family takes precedence.

balletshoes

but would your kids realise their Dad was being patronised? If you think they would, then I agree, you wouldn't want any of your family to be subjected to that for a weekend.

I really don't like daytime drinking around young kids (especially if its with the sole purpose of getting ratted), so that might put me off as well, from the Sunday meal thing.

Mojisola

pukkamum wrote: »

The thing is my sister may offer to pay but having been on the recieving end of this kindness before (and having her shout across a table how much wine have you had, it was one glass, don't forget i am paying for you as you can't afford it) i am not going down that road again.

Oh and they are very very patronising, i have complete self confidence with our situation and we can handle the 'remarks' but i am not willing to have my children hear their dad being patronised in this way.

Having experienced that, I don't think I would ever go to an event organised by them again!

newcook

I'd say 'thanks for the invite but we already have plans for that weekend'

she doesnt have to know that those plans involve you and your family chilling out/going to the park/movie and popcorn/out for sunday lunch at your local pub etc

Lotus-eater

Mojisola wrote: »

Having experienced that, I don't think I would ever go to an event organised by them again!

Agreed! Horrifying. I wouldn't have anything to do with them again tbh.

Tight and patronising.

I can't believe she said that. "don't forget I am paying for you and you can't afford it"............ I would have gone red and walked out I think. Or left very shortly afterwards, never to talk to them again.

paddy's_mum

It sounds to me as though your sister isn't much more likeable than her husband. They deserve each other but you don't deserve to be treated in such a contemptuous fashion by your own kith and kin.

You do realise that she doesn't have much love for you, don't you?

19lottie82

pukkamum wrote: »

It continues in the pub then back to their house for a party (£10 contribution requested towards alchohol and food).

How stingy! If you choose to have a party then you are the HOST and it is your responsibility to entertain your guests.
I've NEVER heard of being asked to make a financial contribution to a party, BYOB request maybe, but a £10 contribution?! What about the people that don't drink alcohol, are they expected to pay as well?

SandC

Listen, there comes a time when you need to stand your ground and let it be known that whilst you love your family, it doesn't mean you have to do everything that others have planned.

I used to see this happening with my sis in law and her sisters. What a bleddy hoo haa (and in fairness they still have spats and times of not talking to each other but that's siblings for you) they made of everything. The sis in law took a leaf out of our side of the family book and realised you can say no to things.

It's her eldest sis's 40th next week as it happens and they have various things arranged. Last week was London. My sil said no to that as it was too expensive and involved Claridges for lunch and suchlike. This weekend it's Chester and she's said yes to that as its a Travelodge do. Her other sister has said no to both. Loads of us are going for a pub meal on her actual birthday so there is something for everyone.

Point is there might have been a time when her sis (nicknamed Mrs Bouquet (Bucket) by the way to give you an idea) would get offended but not anymore. The same sis didn't come to sil's 30th do at a spit and sawdust pub with live local band as it was a bit common for her. We laugh about it now.

By the way. It is not in the least classy to be inconsiderate of other family members' personal circumstances when planning extensive celebrations for birthdays or other occasions. They may have the dosh and the snooty friends but you got the class. If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure she wouldn't be bothered enough to be asking the advice of others about it!

I'm convinced though, that if you start making a stand on occasions like this it will eventually work itself out so that everyone understands each other better.