Help please, am i being miserable?

pukkamum

It is my BIL's 40th birthday in march and my sister has arranged a huge weekend of celebrations.

It starts on sat with lunch time drinks at the pub followed by a three course set meal (£25 each not including drinks) oh and a contribution to BIL's meal.
It continues in the pub then back to their house for a party (£10 contribution requested towards alchohol and food).
They live in the middle of nowhere 2 hrs drive from our house.
They have filled their house with their friends so we have been given B&B details, the cheapest being £65.

It then continues into Sunday with sunday lunch at the local pub again a set menu (£20 each) this is a family friendly affair so would be expected to take our 3 kids.

Now we live on a very strict budget, we are holidaying abroad for the first time in 6 years and this has meant tightening our belts a lot, we have gone down to one car (a tiny 3 door) to save on petrol tax insurance etc.

The kids got significantly less at xmas than they are used to and they know there is no money for extras.

Add into this the fact that my DH and i dislike pretty much most of their friends (they are all patronising to my DH when they find out he is a manual worker) all they talk about is how fabulous they all are (couldn't be further from the truth) what fabulous lives they lead and we have nothing in common with them.

TBH as much as i hate to admit it BIL is the worst offender and i really really dislike him.

Now at a push we could do the Sunday lunch thing but i mean a serious push, the petrol to get there and back will be at least £30, a meal for us adults and eldest son will be £60 plus whatever the youngest two have and drinks on top of that, and i really don't want to go.

BUT i know that my sister will be furious with me if we do not go, she feels we don't make enough of an effort to be part of their lives ( ie on sunday morning she text to say they were coming over but we were out for the day and didn't get the message til late so she sent me a very snotty text) we don't drive over to see them enough, mainly because of the petrol costs but also because of BIL dislike.

Do i just say no and face the inevitable face pulling and moaning form my sister (not to mention feeling guilty) or do i stand my gorund and say no we cannot afford it that is that?

So am i being miserable?

balletshoes

in my opinion thats an outrageous amount of money being asked from guests for a birthday - and at a push I'd be taking the kids to the Sunday meal, and that would be it. No way would I be staying at a b&b or doing the whole weekend thing, not a chance (and I get on great with my BIL ).

ETanny

She isnt asking for much is she?
TBH, If your on a tight budget and there is no way you can manouver to afford it (TBH I dont blame you at all!!!) Just be honest and tell her you can afford to go.
If it was me, family would have had first refusal of staying at my house over friends.

elsien

It does seem a bit much spread out over the whole weekend.
If it were me, I think I'd bite the bullet for the sake of family harmony and say you can only make it for the Sunday - as that's the more family oriented bit, that's the bit you're most likely to be missed on. TBH if he's got a house/party full of friends and booze, he's probably not going to notice whether you're there or not on the Saturday. Doyou have to do the set menu - do they have bar snacks that might be cheaper/more suitable for the kids? Be honest and tell them that the issue is the money, not that you don't want to see them - perhaps if they haven't had to do any belt tightening they have no idea how difficult it can be for those of us that do.
Or alternatively suggest you meet up with them on another weekend somewhere half way between the two of you? That way the petrol costs are more bearable and you can choose somewhere a bit more in your price range.

gingin_2

I would just say that you are sorry and as they might already be aware funds are stretched but would they like to come to yours for a special birthday meal in his honour, when they are free.

CH27

She is very thoughtless to assume you have all that money to fritter on a 40th.
I would go to the Sunday lunch bit & if they don't like it tough.

Cherry_Bomb

No way would I be happy about spending that sort of money to celebrate the birthday of someone I don't even like!
I'd ring her tell her you can't afford it because of the holiday but you will come to Sunday dinner. If she's arsey with you on the phone then you might want to rethink going at all. If there's an atmosphere the whole time that will make parting with £100+ for 1 meal even harder to swallow

Mojisola

I would leave OH at home with the kids so that he doesn't have to pay out to be patronised by their friends and choosing one bit of the weekend to attend myself.

If they're doing so well, they should be funding a celebration for his birthday, not charging people for going!

piglet74

balletshoes wrote: »

in my opinion thats an outrageous amount of money being asked from guests for a birthday - and at a push I'd be taking the kids to the Sunday meal, and that would be it. No way would I be staying at a b&b or doing the whole weekend thing, not a chance (and I get on great with my BIL ).

i am with BS here....i like my BILs....but NO WAY!! far too much ££..a whole weekend...:eek:...no...never...not happening!

red_devil

send a nice card but dont stretch yourself just because its someone's birthday.

hostertlady

i used to say yes to everything because i didnt want to cause problems/upset anybody.....
i used to go to things that i didnt really want to go to just because i was 'expected' to be there....

i dont anymore and you know what? i feel so much better and so much more in control of MY life....
why should you do things just to please people.......i think people expect too much from each other...
if you cant afford it, be honest and tell her you cant afford it.... i know if i told my sister i couldnt afford it she would be absolutley lovely about it...
dont do things to please other people... please yourself