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Help please, am i being miserable?
Comments
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I agree with balletshoes..
It is your sisters choice how she wanted to celebrate the birthday, no one forced her to make a whole weekend of it, therefore, she needs to accept that she cant force everyone to attend every moment of what she planned. TBH, it all sounds rather OTT!!
Mr Kira000 turned 40 in December, and admittedly it was lower key than i'd like, as i was nigh on 40weeks preggers and therefore not able to do much for it, but i would never DREAM of planning that much for a weekend with that many people involved AND asking them all to pay! Have a packed weekend for two and pay for it yourself or even fair do's if you are minted and want to treat everyone but seriously....!
If you can possibly stretch to it, it would seem appropriate and a nice gesture to go along to the family meal on the sunday, being what it is,.. a family occassion. The rest of the weekend sounds like socialising, and if you arent in the same social circles, why on earth would you go..
If you really cant afford the sunday meal, could you explain the money situation, and maybe make a definate invite to show you do care about the event, for them to come to you and have a special family meal at your place, which means you can work out something really nice, but to your budget- a celebratory meal eating in is always alot cheaper if you DIY, rather than going to a restaurant.
Married 13/03/10 #1 DD born 13/01/12!!
;)Newborn Thread Founder0 -
I think it is sad that you are telling us this, and not just having a quiet chat with your sister.
I think you should ring her (preferably when she is on her own and you can have a heart-to-heart chat) and explain that you can't possibly afford to do all this.
I do think you should try to attend the Sunday lunch if you can (you never know, she might even offer to pay for your meals when you have explained), this is family, and how ever you feel about your BIL, your sister probably wants you there.
And I'm sorry you think your BIL and his friends are patronising to your DH. Are you sure they mean to be ? Might you just be struggling a bit with self-confidence? Something else you could talk over with your sister - if you are close enough.I try not to get too stressed out on the forum. I won't argue, i'll just leave a thread if you don't like what I say.0 -
Blimey, that's a bit OTT.
If I were you I'd just stick to one 'event' and be done with it, preferably the cheapest optionAccept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0 -
It is your sisters choice how she wanted to celebrate the birthday, no one forced her to make a whole weekend of it, therefore, she needs to accept that she cant force everyone to attend every moment of what she planned. TBH, it all sounds rather OTT!!
It's similar to other threads about relatives arranging weddings abroad and then complaining when people can't afford to attend.
If she wants to arrange such an OTT event, she has no right to moan if other people don't fall in with her plans.0 -
She's your sister. If you can't be honest and open about this with her who can you be honest with? Take part in what part of the celebrations you want to and can afford. Do nothing else. It's your BIL's birthday not your husband's.0
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Thank you for all your suggestions, i am glad i am not the only thinking the whole thing is over the top, the thing with the Sunday lunch whilst she is calling it family friendly (a couple pf their friends have one child) it will stil be mainly the singletons getting drunk and braying about their fabulousness (bit harsh i know) and i did consider not doing the set menu but quite frankly i am not willing to look like the poor relation (which i am ha ha ) and have us sharing a bowl of chips whlst everyone tucks into a roast.
I say we could do it at a push but it would mean using the credit card which i am very very loath to do having cleared it to all but £100.
Oh and this is besides the 'rave weekend' they are planning later in the year as a joint 40th for my sister which we will be expected to attend.
I am just worried my dislike of their friends and BIL is clouding my judgement.I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.0 -
Ridiculous. It's nice to receive an invitation.
But it is precisely that, an invitation, not an order to attend.
Time and effort from friends and family ought to be what is appreciated. For her to expect you to spend that money on her sayso is outrageous.
Pick what you can afford from that weekend hoopla (maybe the drop in for £10 a head bit?), tell her why, and if she refuses, then quite frankly, do you want to know them? If she refuses or kicks up a fuss, then it would seem that she's decided that you're not worth knowing unless you come up with the goods, all the goods.0 -
I am just worried my dislike of their friends and BIL is clouding my judgement.
Why shouldn't your dislike of their friends be part of the decision process? You're going to have spend time with them, not just your relations. Why should you pay out a lot to spend time with people you don't like?0 -
I think it is sad that you are telling us this, and not just having a quiet chat with your sister.
I think you should ring her (preferably when she is on her own and you can have a heart-to-heart chat) and explain that you can't possibly afford to do all this.
I do think you should try to attend the Sunday lunch if you can (you never know, she might even offer to pay for your meals when you have explained), this is family, and how ever you feel about your BIL, your sister probably wants you there.
And I'm sorry you think your BIL and his friends are patronising to your DH. Are you sure they mean to be ? Might you just be struggling a bit with self-confidence? Something else you could talk over with your sister - if you are close enough.
Oh and they are very very patronising, i have complete self confidence with our situation and we can handle the 'remarks' but i am not willing to have my children hear their dad being patronised in this way.I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.0 -
Even without the money considerations spending the whole weekend with them sounds a bit much, especially when it's too far away to spend the night in your own home.
Presumably going for the Saturday would get complicated with childcare - either having to take them with you for the whole weekend and finding somewhere near Sister and BIL to look after them or find someone near home to look after them and then transport them across for the Sunday, neither of which sounds very appealing.
I would be inclined to go for the Sunday. At least you'll have all your family around you. The idea of looking for a cheaper dining option for the kids sounds good, especially if they're an age where they hardly eat anything in company anyway (i'm sure I read this when I looked thorugh the thread, but now I can't see who suggested it!). Perhaps you could ask if they have a cheaper children's menu.
GQ2021 - mission declutter and clean - 0/20210
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