Help please, am i being miserable?

SandC

Oh and I know it's a little close being family and all but if I don't fancy attending something these days I just decline and say I have plans and leave it at that. Usually they are expecting me to expand on that but I don't any more.

Like Saturday this week I was invited to something and I thought 'you know what, I don't fancy this much now so I'll be dreading it by the time the day comes' so I simply said I couldn't make it as I have other plans.

The other plans are staying in with a glass of wine and the telly.

pearl123

His birthday sound like a major booze fest. If you don't want to go then just don't.

Sambucus_Nigra

pukkamum wrote: »

Oh and this is besides the *** they are planning later in the year as a joint *** for my *** which we will be expected to attend.

Surely, as an adult with your own kids - they can expect all they like but you are the one that makes decisions about your own family life - so make them and stick to them.

If you don't want to and can't afford to do something - don't do it.

'We can't make it, unfortunately - but if you want to come over on the nth, we'll cook a meal for you both to celebrate'.

pukkamum

paddy's_mum wrote: »

It sounds to me as though your sister isn't much more likeable than her husband. They deserve each other but you don't deserve to be treated in such a contemptuous fashion by your own kith and kin.

You do realise that she doesn't have much love for you, don't you?

You are totally right paddy's mum it has taken a long time and i am heartbroken to admit that i do not like her very much anymore, the person she has turned into is so far removed from the very close elder sister i always adored that i find her very hard to be around, perhaps this is part of my reluctance to go.

pukkamum

balletshoes wrote: »

but would your kids realise their Dad was being patronised? If you think they would, then I agree, you wouldn't want any of your family to be subjected to that for a weekend.

I really don't like daytime drinking around young kids (especially if its with the sole purpose of getting ratted), so that might put me off as well, from the Sunday meal thing.

My eldest son would definitely, he came home very upset recently from a visit to their house after my sister told him that unless you went to university you would never be happy and be poor.
He was devastated thinking this meant DH and i were terribly unhappy and poor!

pukkamum

19lottie82 wrote: »

How stingy! If you choose to have a party then you are the HOST and it is your responsibility to entertain your guests.
I've NEVER heard of being asked to make a financial contribution to a party, BYOB request maybe, but a £10 contribution?! What about the people that don't drink alcohol, are they expected to pay as well?

Oh this isn't the first time, i think i may have instigated it though albeit accidently, we have an annual fireworks party when everyone brought fireworks and i thought it easier if everyone chucked in a fiver and i got them all and if they made it a tenner i would buy the booze too, they jumped on this idea and this is now what happens all the time.

My sister hosted a mothers day meal a few years ago and afterwards gave us all a bill for our 'share'!

BugglyB

Correct me if I'm wrong but this is about much much more than a birthday isn't it. You sound very scathing and embittered towards your sister and her choice of husband and attitude. The thread is not to ask whether you are being miserable (despite asking the question I doubt you would entertain someone saying 'yes you are being miserable!) but to back up for your idea of how awful they are?

Perhaps just print out thread and send it in with the birthday card then you'll never have to see them again :rotfl:

VfM4meplse

pukkamum wrote: »

Oh and they are very very patronising, i have complete self confidence with our situation and we can handle the 'remarks' but i am not willing to have my children hear their dad being patronised in this way.

There is an inconsistency between the words and the actions here: lunch in a pub for a 40th in no way oozes superiority. A £25ph pub lunch ex drinks hints at sheer stupidity.

pukkamum wrote: »

my sister told him that unless you went to university you would never be happy and be poor.

But she is presumably rich and stupid? If she was that well off she would be hosting you, as many others have pointed out. There is something seriously wrong with spending that amount of money suggested on a BIL you don't even like, if you can't stretch to the same with your own children. A card and your blessings should be enough.

pukkamum

BugglyB wrote: »

Correct me if I'm wrong but this is about much much more than a birthday isn't it. You sound very scathing and embittered towards your sister and her choice of husband and attitude. The thread is not to ask whether you are being miserable (despite asking the question I doubt you would entertain someone saying 'yes you are being miserable!) but to back up for your idea of how awful they are?

Perhaps just print out thread and send it in with the birthday card then you'll never have to see them again :rotfl:

Oh i totally agree it is about more than just the birthday, i suppose i am asking myself if i have the strength to admit to myself that my relationship with my sister is beyond repair and if i should just accept it and start refusing social engagements with them, oh and i really wouldn't mind being called miserable if anyone thinks i am being, i've got a thick skin, i've had to grow one to deal with my sister ha ha ha

pukkamum

VfM4meplse wrote: »

There is an inconsistency between the words and the actions here: lunch in a pub for a 40th in no way oozes superiority. A £25ph pub lunch ex drinks hints at sheer stupidity.

But she is presumably rich and stupid? If she was that well off she would be hosting you, as many others have pointed out. There is something seriously wrong with spending that amount of money suggested on a BIL you don't even like, if you can't stretch to the same with your own children. A card and your blessings should be enough.

Ah well you see this is one of the issues, she is nowhere near as rich as she (in her own words) expected to be at this age (not that she has done anything to become rich:cool:)