What would you do? ...

VfM4meplse

I don't think your sister is a consideration, she's not going to change and I would imagine would be entirely avoidable during the wedding if things are that bad. It's your brother that counts.

Cookiee wrote: »

1 - It is in Dublin. They are getting married in a lovely hotel but it is €190 a night and we need to be there for 2 nights! The nearest cheap B&B is €90 a night.

There are much cheaper ways of doing both Dublin, and the wedding. I would suggest making your own arrangements and staying just one night in different accomodation - I have managed to get great deals via LMDC (booked months in advance, I think you could get package inc flights - if you are based in the UK - for well under £150).

I do find it surprising that there is money to invite a near stranger who may or may not still be on the scene (ie your sister's fiance) but nothing to help you out as a short-term loan? Maybe your family don't understand what a hand to mouth existence you're living?

Not sure whether you're based here or in the ROI but the alternative would be to have a private celebratory meal with your brother and his wife after the event.

thunderbird

Could you arrange to share a twin room with another wedding guest?

Regarding your sister, I think you just need to put any problems to one side for the day and pretend that you get on. You never know, it may be a chance for apologies and forgiveness. I think it would be embarrassing (and probably upsetting) for the bride and groom if you didn't go, plus I'm sure they have enough to stress about without any extra problems to deal with.

ladymarmalade1970

I think its selfish of your brother to assume that everyone would be able to afford this. If i were in your situation i definitely wouldn't go. If it's that important to them then they should help out with costs.

Cookiee

cheepskate wrote: »

op, in your previous posts re: in november, you are talking about a holiday to vagas, maybe the £1450 bonus you are due in January can go to the wedding instead, seeing as you have already decided not to put it towards your debt.

I would do anything to go to the wedding ,,,, £350 is a measly amount to say you cant go over. Stop your swimming lessons, take back the cossie and heart monitor and you should make the wedding...... it seems like the money is just an excuse.

By any chance op does the wedding co-incide with the holiday for oh's birthday as both are in June.

p.s sell your xbox and kinect, that should get you half of the fare.

Thanks for your comments

If I was still getting the bonus then I would be booking the flights today :T but our MD changed the goal post so we are now not getting the bonus

The swimming costume I got was the 1st swimming costume I bought that fits comfortably. I dont really want to return it as i have already used it so dont think they take them back once it has.

I have not bought a heart monitor, just went in to have a look at them to see how much they were. The Aquafit is once a week at £2 a go. I get a reduction as I managed to get it "pescribed" by the doctors to help me (thanks to the advice from some lovely people on here )

Hubbies b'day is end of July. Our wedding anniv is 1st July so the date in june is fine for us.

I didn't think about selling the xbox but it is a good idea - thank you Honestly the money is not an excuse. It is going to be difficult from the now position I am in compaired to what I was hoping to get from bonuses, which is why I was coming on this website to get advice x

I have been up all night really upset tbh about this ....

Guess the only thing I can do is go (ebay is now my new best friend as well as bootsales as soon as they start in the spring) and hope that my mum keeps my sister in check.

Thank you to all for your advice. I know that I have had some comments which people dont understand why I am asking this question and I apologise if this thread has annoyed people but thank you for those who have answered kindly for your support :A

Cookiee

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I don't think your sister is a consideration, she's not going to change and I would imagine would be entirely avoidable during the wedding if things are that bad. It's your brother that counts.

There are much cheaper ways of doing both Dublin, and the wedding. I would suggest making your own arrangements and staying just one night in different accomodation - I have managed to get great deals via LMDC (booked months in advance, I think you could get package inc flights - if you are based in the UK - for well under £150).

I do find it surprising that there is money to invite a near stranger who may or may not still be on the scene (ie your sister's fiance) but nothing to help you out as a short-term loan? Maybe your family don't understand what a hand to mouth existence you're living?

Not sure whether you're based here or in the ROI but the alternative would be to have a private celebratory meal with your brother and his wife after the event.

Thank you for your advice hun. I have asked my brother if there is anything he can help with (before our arguement) ie hotel / b&b that is not as expensive etc ... He only gets 4 hotel rooms free as part of the package. 1 is going to mum & dad and the other 3 is for his partners family. I have asked him could I not have one of these to help as they live in ireland and I live in the uk but he explained it would cause a major rift (i know over a hotel) in her family if they dont get the rooms.

My sister and her partner have to also find the same amount on money to go over but unlike me, my sister has a very well off partner who earns over £60k+ so this is nothing to them.

I will check via LMDC to see if there is any deals

Mara69

I do think you are in danger of sounding rather petulant and, dare I say, somewhat jealous of your sister. I think you are using the falling out with your sister as an excuse not to go to the wedding. There doesn't have to be an atmosphere or a row. Simply ignore her. If she approaches you, say something along the lines of "It is [insert brother's name here] wedding and I don't think it appropriate to discuss this right now". Then walk away.

With respect to the money, you can raise the money and while I appreciate it will be tough for you, surely it is worth it to see your brother getting married? I am all for being MSE but there are some things that are more important than money. You can raise the money - so do.

Cookiee

I do not want to sound petulant and I am NOT! jealous of my sister. I have nothing to be jealous about. She did something which I dont feel I can ever forgive and whilst people on this thread feel this is childish, you dont know what she did. The fact that police were involved, the courts and ripped my family apart for 6 years takes a long time to try and forgive.

I wish I had not started this thread and I will be asking it to be removed. I guess I really should have not posted on here as last night I was emotional and have always come on this forum to get support and advice.

To those who have given me advice and support, thank you sincerely. I have taken all your comments on board with relation to money. I am also going to speak to my work to see if there is any deals or support they can help with, as they know how difficult money is for me.

Thank you again for your advice x

CH27

How much cheaper would it be if you went to the wedding alone?

Cookiee

It would be roughly half (give or take) but I really dont want to go to the wedding without my OH. He is apart of my family and gets on really well with my brother and future sister in law.

victory

Cookie Sorry you feel you have to get the thread removed because of the way you have had your thread replied to, that aside I think the advice given is very good, def go to the wedding if there is any way as that day cannot be recreated and keep your sis at arms length, it is after all your brothers day not argument day.