What would you do? ...

elvis86

ladymarmalade1970 wrote: »

I think its selfish of your brother to assume that everyone would be able to afford this. If i were in your situation i definitely wouldn't go. If it's that important to them then they should help out with costs.

Whilst I agree that the OP's brother being angry and "not speaking to her" because she's confided that she can ill afford to attend his wedding is out of order, the implication that he is being "selfish" by getting married in Ireland is wrong.

As I understand it, his wife-to-be's family are from Ireland. So it's not like they're both from Essex and are jetting off to Cuba to get married and expecting everyone to come. It sounds like they're from different parts of the world and have chosen the bride's hometown to marry in. There's nothing wrong or "selfish" about that.

OP, FWIW, based on what has been written here, I make the following observations:

• If you don't go to the wedding, it's going to be because you decide that you can't afford it. Your sister has nothing to do with it, and to try and make out like your feud was part of your reasoning for not attending will only make you look bad. Be honest and clear that it was purely a financial thing, and that of course you would've put aside your issues with your sister to be there for your brother.

• If your parents can't scrape £350 together to attend their own son's wedding (as you say he is paying for them), and your brother says his wife-to-be's family would "kick off" if they weren't given the free rooms, then it sounds like neither family can be very well off? Therefore I don't see why you being honest about not being able to afford to attend should be such a problem for anyone? If nobody is willing to pay for their room and give a free one up for the groom's hard-up sister, they must all be pretty skint too (or incredibly selfish).

• If your parents can afford it, they should offer you their room and pay for themselves. I know my parents would. If they can't afford to do this, they should completely understand your situation and be fighting your corner with your brother. If his parents were that hard-up, it baffles me why your brother wouldn't be able to appreciate that his sister is too?

• If your brother and his wife-to-be are so "lovely" and you and your OH get on with him so well, why hasn't he been more sympathetic to your situation? Not speaking to you is pathetic and unkind, unless there's more to this than you've revealed here.

Having said all that, I would do everything possible to attend. Imagining this situation with my own sister, if I was getting married just an hour's flight away because my fiance was from another part of the world, I'd be incredibly disappointed if I felt like my sister didn't prioritise attending my wedding.

As I said before, if they were getting married in Cuba because they fancied it, that's a different situation. But Ireland because the bride's family are there is perfectly reasonable IMO.

*Louise*

The thing is, (in my opinion) your biggest problem is presenting two excuses to people.

If you genuinely have money problems, then saying that you shouldn't go because of the rift with your sister looks like your main reason and the money situation just looks like a back up for your excuse so people won't perhaps take it as seriously.

If it were me, I wouldn't even mention the problem with the sister, I would be emphasising the problem with the cost as the only issue, at the end of the day if I didn't make it, 'she couldn't afford to be here' sounds much less petty than 'she couldn't face being at the same event as her sister'.......

That said, I would be looking into travelodges and hostels and seeing what I could get the costs down to before making my excuses.

shiny76

Cookiee wrote: »

It would be roughly half (give or take) but I really dont want to go to the wedding without my OH. He is apart of my family and gets on really well with my brother and future sister in law.

I can understand that BUT surely the alternative of missing the wedding completely would be worse?

If you're looking for a compromise I think this may be your best/cheapest solution.

Nottoobadyet

Is there any way to get to the hotel from Dublin itself, getting a ride with some of the brides family or taking public transport? If so, stay in a youth hostel (book in advance) for 20 euro a night each, buy supermarket meals to cook in the hostel kitchen (they nearly all have them) and fly on easyjet / ryanair (note that these flights often dont come up on travel sites or aggregation sites - go to the web pages yourself). The cost could come down enough that it will be, if not affordable, at least not a year long sentence.

squibbs25

The thing is everyone see getting married differently, some like the huge 'do' and EXPECT everyone to come not matter what, some like the huge 'do' and accept not everyone can come, others like a small affair.

I dont see why the op should put herself in debt because of someone else - sorry!
Its a day, normally important to the people getting married then a memory for those that attended.
I love both my sisters to bits.
One had a church wedding that had lots of family and friends, the other remarried last year, they booked the registary office (where i got married ) where the only guests were BIL' parents and his 2 children and our mum.
They held a blessing a couple of months later for family and friends.

I dont think there should be pressure put on anyone to attend a wedding - sibling- or not.

jojo_2012_2

Do you even need to stay the night at all? Get up early the morning of the wedding and catch the earliest flight, then catch an evening flight back. Even if you had to spend a night in an airport if you're so hard up for cash it won't kill you.

lazer

shiny76 wrote: »

I can understand that BUT surely the alternative of missing the wedding completely would be worse?

If you're looking for a compromise I think this may be your best/cheapest solution.

I agree with this - it is your brothers wedding. The cost of 1 of you attending could potentially only be £180 (or less if you go for one night only).
I reckon you should start saving and selling stuff - If you value you possesions more than your brother, then that is your decision, but I would do everything within my power to attend my brothers wedding - and actually yes that does include getting into debt.
Forget the name a star present, thats £20 saved already towards the cost of going - your brother would rather have your company!

I'm getting married in October (In Ireland) and my brother lives in England, I would be absolutely gutted if he wasn't coming to our wedding, I would understand if finances meant his partner couldn't come with him, but I would not understand him not coming.
Cancel your TV licence and do without the TV for the next year, this will pay for your trip! (You will get a refund on the already paid amount if paying monthly).

As a bride, I have told you how I would feel if it was my brother not attending the wedding, it is up to you to make your own decisions, but I really think you should consider going on your own.
I would book your own flight as early as possible, (flying will always be cheaper than the ferry), and then if you have more money nearer the time, book a flight for the OH.
1 night for 2 in a hostel should only be around €50 max (as would some B&B's maybe)

Also - if your brothers fianc!e is from Ireland, then her family will most loikely be making up the mojority of the guests, of course I wants his sister with him on his wedding day.

FatVonD

Could you book a Travelodge room close/en route to whichever airport you're flying from (assuming you don't live close to the airport) then get an early morning flight out and a late evening one back? (As someone else said, you can always use your parent's room to freshen up during the day if you need to.)

red_devil

Dont go, if your brother wants to get married and its not the local church etc that you can attend without cost, then why should put yourself out and skint yourself. He isnt offering to pay so as long as he is there thats all that matters its his wedding.

Pee

I have a wonderful little sister and I would do anything to attend her wedding, irrespective of whether I liked the groom.

I would really concentrate on trying to find the cheapest option to attend. I think you could find accomodation for less than that. Think of hostels, think of Travelodge, there is even a campsite which you can reach by bus from Dublin although I guess that depends on where it's all being held. As a real last resort, could you sleep on the floor in your parents room? Look at flights and consider ryanair, but also depending on where you live there are cheap rail and sail deals that might be an option.

See what is the lowest it could be.

Then have a look at your budget. Try a SOA. I bet there is money you could save. Have a look at the old style posts and cut the grocery spend, maybe?

I am sure that there will be a way.