Son's father sent to prison,what do I tell him?

DVardysShadow

shellsuit wrote: »

So if he tells his friends at school that Daddy is in prison, then kids go home and ask their parents what prison is, then they go back into school and tell your lad what a bad person his Dad is.....that is OK?

Kids don't forget and parents might tell their own to stay away from your son. Things can be said by other kids and their parents, overheard and repeated, which could upset your son.

There is a HUGE can of worms to be opened up here.

Your son and your choice, but it's not something I'd do.

Telling him Daddy has gone away working for a while is not lying. Daddy has gone away and will be working at paying the price for his stupidity.

Your son can be told the truth in proper terms when he is a older and can fully understand.

At least by telling him you have some control over the presentation and can to some extent manage how he deals with it himself. If you don't tell him anything the consequences could be unpredictable. Personally, I would rather tell him in the first place than pick up the pieces after.

geekgirl

toocleverbyhalf wrote: »

I really don't want to go to the prison to visit & I don't think it would be a good thing for my son, so marking of the days would be a good idea. Thankyou.

As you are not intending taking him to see his dad in prison I wouldn't tell him the truth.

rachbc

notakid wrote: »

This thread has reminded me of something.

Years ago, we used to all out on my husbands work do's and I got quite close to some of the other wives.

We were chatting as you do, about our parents when one of the other women whispered to me that her father had been to prison. She had he had been a kind and responsible father but before he became a family man he had been locked up. You could tell it bothered her, that the man she loved had obviously been a different person. It would have been better than she didn't know. It was of no benefit, nor was her father the same man.

A similar thing happened to Patsy Kensit I recall, she was researching her father and came across paperwork which said he was a bad dangerous man. That wasn't her experience of him. Its not nice for a child grown up or not to hear negative things about a loved one. They can't change anything.

that is different in this case in that the crimes were committed before she was born and the father she knew maybe well have reformed etc- in this case the crime is a recent one committed whilst he was a father - he IS the same man.

snozberry

He is only little and children tend to see things in a different way to grown-ups. If you tell him that dad was sent away for doing something naughty then he could think that he will be sent away should he do something naughty. The timescale is also an issue as well because for some children x amount of time is forever and ever and ever and they just can't cope with that.

I'd tell him a white lie and say that he is working away for a bit.

busiscoming2

I believe in honesty, tell him the truth especially if someone at school knows about it. You don't want him hearing a warped version from the other kids do you?

Janepig

Personally I wouldn't tell him. You say that the children in his school wouldn't know, well chances are he's going to tell them isn't he, then they're going to pass that on etc... Surely the family members who know aren't going to let it slip to him are they?

I know parents who've told their children that Daddy's in the army and when they've driven past Swansea prison (or taken their child to visit) they've told them that it's the army barracks!!

One of my friends runs a charity for families and friends of prisoners, because as often as not it is as hard, if not harder, for the people left behind than it is for the prisoner. I would suggest you contact a similar charity local to you if you know of one, or action for prisoner's families to find out. Certainly before making a decision one way or another I'd contact some sort of agency where they have experience of just such a matter.

DH works opposite Swansea Prison and on the last day he was in before Christmas he was walking past a window looking out on the prison and there was a long line of visitors waiting to go in, many of whom were small children waiting to see their fathers. He's no softy is DH, but he said he felt really emotional and sad looking out at such a scene. I'm pretty cynical myself, dealing with prisoners/criminals day in day out, but I would imagine I'd feel much the same.

As a slight side issue though - I'd be massively surprised if he has been sent to prison for his first drink drive offence - doing reports on drink drivers is our bread and butter, and I can only recall one of them going to prison in the recent past and that was because there was a pretty horrific outcome. He's going to have had some form for this sort of thing before they would resort to prison for drink driving - either that or there were some pretty serious consequences to his actions.

Jx

newcook

you could always say what Forrest Gumps mom did... 'He's on vacation'!

to be honest, normally I would say to tell the truth but given that he will be out in a couple of months and how young your son is I would tell him that his daddy is working away for a bit

you can always tell him the truth when he is older and able to understand it better.

sunshinetours

Irrelevant now as seems to have been told, but for whatits worth i would not have said anything in those circumstances. noone would knwo at school and no worries for the child as he is just told daddy is "away for a few weeks". Family are told clear cut not to discuss it in front of child - end of problem

Good luck with it all OP

pinkclouds

I can't believe how many people have advocated lying. Daddy is *not* at work - he can't phone him whenever he feels like for a chat. The softly softly approach is fine though. There is a big difference between omission and lies. Daddy is away for a few months, which is a bit longer than usual. He's already used to him being "away". This is just a bit longer.

Anyway, best wishes to the OP and her boy. I'm sure you'll be counting the days down together. x

scheming_gypsy

pinkclouds wrote: »

I can't believe how many people have advocated lying.

As i mentioned earlier... Christmas was two weeks ago; so lying isn't exactly a new introduction.