Son's father sent to prison,what do I tell him?

toocleverbyhalf

I am separated from my husband, the father of my son who's 5. Yesterday he was sent to prison for 4 months for drinking & driving and I just don't know how to tell my son who is very close to his father. He will be devastated as he won't be able to see him as he does now, obviously.
I just don't know how to handle this. I have no experience of the police, courts or prison service so I don't know what happens. Should I tell him the truth (gently of course) or make up a story? I'm at my wits end & any advice would be gratefully received.

Lotus-eater

Can you discuss it with the father and see what he wants?

pinkshoes

I'd tell him the truth, but a child friendly version.

I presume he knows about people who do naughty things go to prison? Just tell him that his daddy made a mistake a did something naughty, and is going to have to go to prison for 4 months, but he'll be able to see him when he gets out.

Perhaps put it on a calendar so he knows when he can see his dad again.

Gettingtherequickly

Difficult one for you. He will probably be out in 2 months, which is the positive side, but does not solve the immediate problem about telling your son. Painful as it is, he needs to be told the truth, as lies, no matter how well intentioned, will back fire and your son will hold it against you. I think that you will have to tell him gently, that daddy has done something very, very naughty and that the police have had to be very cross with him and sent him to prison. However, both mum & dad love him and dad will give him a big hug when he sees him. In the meantime, your son can do drawings which could be sent to the prison or kept to be given on his release.

scheming_gypsy

Just tell him he's working away and will be back in a couple of months - as long as he behaves he'll be out in about 6 - 8 weeks.

mynameissophie

I definitly agree with Pinkshoes. He deserves to know the thruth overwise when he grows up and learn the truth, I'm guessing that he will be veru upset

Gordon_Hose

Truth all the way.

toocleverbyhalf

I can't speak to his father at the moment as it's his induction today apparently, but I think that pink shoes's idea of a calendar is a good one. I really don't want to go to the prison to visit & I don't think it would be a good thing for my son, so marking of the days would be a good idea. Thankyou.

rachbc

tell him the truth - there may even be some age apprpriate books in the library - there are books about all sorts of 'tricky' situations

VfM4meplse

It would also have the benefit of demonstrating to your DS that there are consequences to "being naughty" for adults as well as children. I don't think your son will mind as much as you think he will, because his contact wiith your husband will have been reduced havng separated. Whenever he asks about his Daddy, don't lose an opportunity to remind your DS that he loves him very much.

Running_Horse

I remember my sometimes estranged dad telling me there were lots of people with his name, who sometimes made the papers.

For such a short period I would lie. Just say he's away working. Five is very young to have his illusions shattered.