Son's father sent to prison,what do I tell him?

toshkininny

Mojisola wrote: »

If his Dad lives anywhere around you then it's almost certain that the parents of your son's friends will know about the prison sentence. Do you really want your child to be told in school "My Mum says your Dad has been sent to prison" when he thinks Daddy is "working away"?

True, but hopefully most mums are sensible and know when not to blab to their children. I suppose Mum will need to let the school know, depending how she wants to play it. Then the teachers can inform her if they've heard anything being talked about - prison, etc.

meer53

I too think 5 is too young for him to understand the truth. I think the thought of his Daddy being in prison will be far more harmful than telling him that he's away for a few weeks. Time flies and your husband will probably be out in 8 weeks, or maybe less.
When he's older your husband can decide whether to tell him or not, he doesn't need to know right now. You can still do the calendar thing with him, maybe even get to speak to him on the phone too which will put your sons mind at rest.

Mojisola

toshkininny wrote: »

True, but hopefully most mums are sensible and know when not to blab to their children. I suppose Mum will need to let the school know, depending how she wants to play it. Then the teachers can inform her if they've heard anything being talked about - prison, etc.

Maybe it depends on the area you live in. I know for sure that the 5 year olds at our infant school would talk about someone's Dad going to prison and not all parents are discreet.

Plans_all_plans

I think it would depend on my child's maturity level to be honest. I'd tell my 4 yr old DD that he had gone to prison for a driving offence as she is well aware of parking fines, traffic wardens etc and I would just make out that it was an extension of this in all probability, maybe that he didn't pay a fine or something. Drink driving is an alien concept to her though so that's the only reason I wouldn't tell her it was this. I also have a number of friends who are police officers, so she knows about things being against the law and that the police are doing a job etc.

If I felt that it would frighten the life out of her, then I wouldn't tell her, but it's down to how you explain it I think. "Good people can sometimes do bad things/make mistakes etc."

Seanymph

I think children of seperated parents have enough trust issues without adding to them.

On that basis I'd tell your child the truth. If you don't whatever they imagine about why daddy doesn't want to see them will be worse.

toocleverbyhalf

Thanks everyone for your replies.
School isn't a problem as he goes to a school outside of the area where we live & no one knows his dad. I certainly won't tell any of the parents. I'm going to have to tell him the truth because I think it'll be discussed within the family & it will be difficult to stop him hearing anything. I'll have to break it to him gently so here goes ......

Mojisola

toocleverbyhalf wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies.
School isn't a problem as he goes to a school outside of the area where we live & no one knows his dad. I certainly won't tell any of the parents. I'm going to have to tell him the truth because I think it'll be discussed within the family & it will be difficult to stop him hearing anything. I'll have to break it to him gently so here goes ......

In that case, the way plans describes it is good.

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

it's down to how you explain it I think. "Good people can sometimes do bad things/make mistakes etc."

Most children will have been told at some point - I love you but don't like it when you do xyz. This is an adult version of that sentiment.

Acc72

toocleverbyhalf wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies.
School isn't a problem as he goes to a school outside of the area where we live & no one knows his dad. I certainly won't tell any of the parents. I'm going to have to tell him the truth because I think it'll be discussed within the family & it will be difficult to stop him hearing anything. I'll have to break it to him gently so here goes ......

The child is 5 ? - as others have said, he will not be able to fully comprehend "the truth" at this age anyway.

Why not just say that his dad "is away" for a few weeks ?

Nobody has suggested "hiding" this from him forever - if it comes up in the future, then just tell him then when he is old enough to understand.

Although you asked for opinions, it sounds to me that you had already made your mind up to tell him anyway.

19lottie82

I agree with Acc72. Just tell your LO that daddy has gone away for a wee while, and he will phone him whenever he can.

He is only 5 and shouldn't have to deal with the idea of prison, especially if it avoidable as his Father will only be in for a short period of time.

fluffnutter

The problem with lying (and I completely understand the reasons why you'd want to) is that he's very likely to find out anyway. Far better that he hears it from his mum than anyone else.