Son's father sent to prison,what do I tell him?

19lottie82

fluffnutter wrote: »

The problem with lying (and I completely understand the reasons why you'd want to) is that he's very likely to find out anyway. Far better that he hears it from his mum than anyone else.

It's not lying though if you tell the kid that Dad has had to go away for a little while..... it's just not the full truth.

The OP has established that their son is unlikely to hear it from anyone else @ this stage. I think telling the child the straight up truth (rather than a white lie) is going to upsetting and confusing. OK, there might be a sligth chance he may find out from someone else, but it's a chance I would be willing to take.

If the boy was older, then it might be more sensible to go down the alternative route, but he is only 5!

Blackpool_Saver

Away working, then when he is old enough to understand Dad can explain and it will deter the child from making the same mistake

fluffnutter

19lottie82 wrote: »

It's not lying though if you tell the kid that Dad has had to go away for a little while..... it's just not the full truth.

The OP has established that their son is unlikely to hear it from anyone else @ this stage. I think telling the child the straight up truth (rather than a white lie) is going to upsetting and confusing. OK, there might be a sligth chance he may find out from someone else, but it's a chance I would be willing to take.

If the boy was older, then it might be more sensible to go down the alternative route, but he is only 5!

I agree. There's nothing wrong with 'Daddy's got to go away'. Provided the child doesn't ask any more questions, leave it there! Just gets a bit awkward when they start asking 'why?'...

Gordon_Hose

The child is 5, there will be questions coming out of his ears... usually beginning with "Why?"

Kids aren't stupid.

notakid

Gordon_Hose wrote: »

The child is 5, there will be questions coming out of his ears... usually beginning with "Why?"

Kids aren't stupid.

Depends on the child, I could have got away with it with my son.

He still hasn't forgiven my daughter for telling him Santa didn't exist, she is 4 years younger. He was 11.

shellsuit

toocleverbyhalf wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies.
School isn't a problem as he goes to a school outside of the area where we live & no one knows his dad. I certainly won't tell any of the parents. I'm going to have to tell him the truth because I think it'll be discussed within the family & it will be difficult to stop him hearing anything. I'll have to break it to him gently so here goes ......

So if he tells his friends at school that Daddy is in prison, then kids go home and ask their parents what prison is, then they go back into school and tell your lad what a bad person his Dad is.....that is OK?

Kids don't forget and parents might tell their own to stay away from your son. Things can be said by other kids and their parents, overheard and repeated, which could upset your son.

There is a HUGE can of worms to be opened up here.

Your son and your choice, but it's not something I'd do.

Telling him Daddy has gone away working for a while is not lying. Daddy has gone away and will be working at paying the price for his stupidity.

Your son can be told the truth in proper terms when he is a older and can fully understand.

notakid

Totally agree with Shell re the consequences.

I really could understand if it was for a longer sentence, but for the time it isn't worth worrying for son.

Do you get on with your ex?
I'm sure you are the much better parent but does your son have to have his nose rubbed in the fact?

scheming_gypsy

shellsuit wrote: »

Your son can be told the truth in proper terms when he is a older and can fully understand.

if at all... 4 months for drink driving isn't a long sentence so it's not something that needs to be mentioned

Acc72

notakid wrote: »

Do you get on with your ex?

Could this be the real issue ?

notakid

This thread has reminded me of something.

Years ago, we used to all out on my husbands work do's and I got quite close to some of the other wives.

We were chatting as you do, about our parents when one of the other women whispered to me that her father had been to prison. She had he had been a kind and responsible father but before he became a family man he had been locked up. You could tell it bothered her, that the man she loved had obviously been a different person. It would have been better than she didn't know. It was of no benefit, nor was her father the same man.

A similar thing happened to Patsy Kensit I recall, she was researching her father and came across paperwork which said he was a bad dangerous man. That wasn't her experience of him. Its not nice for a child grown up or not to hear negative things about a loved one. They can't change anything.