Son's father sent to prison,what do I tell him?

fluffnutter

Tell him the truth. This is too big a secret for people around him to necessarily keep and far better he hears it from his mum who can answer his questions and reassure him than others who are just gossiping.

toshkininny

Personally I would say that he is working away for a while, as previously person said 5 yrs is too young to know the truth - tell him when he is older, understands it a bit better, and will handle the information a little easier - it is handy to have this story to tell him when he starts driving!!

Also, can the courts, police, somebody point you to somebody like a counsellor on how to approach the subject with your child?

Amanda65

There's a book on thsi site aimed at young children, as well as practical advice on how to speak to children about a parent in prison

http://www.prisonersfamilies.org.uk/uploadedFiles/2010_Publications_And_Resources/APFPublicationsList25Aug2011.pdf

scheming_gypsy

So many people advising that they should tell the truth yet Christmas was only two weeks ago.....

but seriously... with it only being a short sentence, lying won't do any harm. If it was 10 years for armed robbery it's a different story but 4 months for drink driving; out in 2 or possibly have it overturned to a suspended on appeal. Could be a lot of explaining for very little reason, and there's also the dad to think about. Parenting is a two way issue and as the kid is close to his dad, then the dad should at least have a say in what he thinks is the best way to deal with it.

notakid

Sometimes the truth just hurts.

A 5 year old will not fully understand even if you tell them it was a minor crime they could just think My Daddy is a bad man. Then by default am I bad too? Will the police come for me?

Logic is not not great at this age and 5 is too young to fully understand the ins and out and then fear will take over, goodness knows what conclusions his brain will jump too.

The punishment is for the father not the child. Protect your son. He can know later.

Mojisola

If his Dad lives anywhere around you then it's almost certain that the parents of your son's friends will know about the prison sentence. Do you really want your child to be told in school "My Mum says your Dad has been sent to prison" when he thinks Daddy is "working away"?

notakid

We are talking about 5 year olds here. I doubt that would happen.

Also I know of a child in my sons class whose father was sent to prison for a similar thing, no one breathed a word/didn't know.

They are separated, not married. Not everyone knows each others business.

Any

Normally I wouls agree with the truth, but the child is only 5!!! He will tell everyone and anyone, not realising full impact anyway (going by my nieces big mouth at that age).
My friend had father in prison when she was little - her mum said he is working abroad.

shellsuit

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

Just tell him he's working away and will be back in a couple of months - as long as he behaves he'll be out in about 6 - 8 weeks.

This.

What 5 year old would understand properly about drinking, driving, our justice system and prison?

He can be told when he is older and will understand.

System

No tell him the bald truth. There's nothing like setting the child up with a psychosis at an early age and it's something he will be able to fall bak on in later life