Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

adouglasmhor

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

To the extent that this OP's child could give the clothes that won't go over her stomach properly to my nearly 13 year old and they would swamp her. And my nearly 13 year old could wear the T-shirts the OP's daughter would ordinarily be expected to wear at the age of 9.

My GF tried on a coat in a dressing up exhibit in a museum that was meant for a 13 year old boy for a laugh, it fitted perfectly. And before anyone phones RSPCC or the police, she is 45.

adouglasmhor

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

yup. put a 9 year old with emerging food issues onto a diet which labels chocolate, sweets, desserts and 'other junk' as syns.

it doest matter if you change a letter. that is a stupid thing to impose on such a child. any child frankly.

My thought when I saw that list was.

Surely
You're
Not
Serious

stargazer59

spaghetti_monster wrote: »

I guess this could be a healthy attitude to have, but it's not really how our society works. Food is so much more than just a fuel in many many ways and it's maybe better to teach children how to handle that.

We are not more evolved than when we were living in caves, hunting/gathering etc and food was scarce. We are therefore still programmed to wolf down sugar and fat.
In our society we now have an abundance of sugary/fatty foods, and plenty of time and money in which to sit around eating them, we are less active etc. Hence the massive increase in obesity, heart disease, diabetes etc

hi, yes you may be right, however i feel that calling foods treats is making them something to crave for, do not get me wrong i love food and eat both healthy foods and things that people would call bad.

My point is that if you lock food away, call it a treat, ban bad foods you tend to create an urge for them.

Society seems to have changed the way it looks at food, there is a thread on DT about people walking round shops and eating food before you pay for it. seriously why can people not manage to do some shopping without eating as they walk around? I believe it is because people do not allow themselves to become hungry anymore, they seem to think it is a terrible thing! it is not , it is normal.

When i was young( in the dark ages!) we would never have walked around with a pasty or sandwich in our hand in town.Children would not sit in a pushchair with a sausage roll in their hand to keep them quiet. There were no warnings about this food is bad or whatever.We ate all sorts of foods, then went out and played, cycled, ran around and burnt it off until we were hungry again for our dinner.

I think we should stop treating food as the enemy and get ourselves and our kids more active.

blue_monkey_2

Morning everyone, just taking a break from cleaning the house now the kids have gone back to school.

The last few pages have been really, really helpful so thank you everyone. The food triangle is a great idea and I am going to have a google of this tonight.

To clarify some things though - it is hard to put everything onto the one post and some people do not read the replies.

My husband does not scoff in front of the kids - I am a SAHM, if he is eating, I am usually there to see it, so no, she does not see him eating and then wondering why she cannot. I thought he was taking the food to work and I never asked him, I just assumed. I was wrong and should have questioned it earlier - how many of you would tell your husband to stop nicking the biscuits though?

Cheese is not banned, however, it is limited for her, for my son it is not.

Yogurts, yes, someone got the jist. If the fridge is open at all times I cannot have full fat yogurts in there because I;d be replacing foods of higher calories than the ones I am telling her she cannot eat. I have now bought low fat yogurts - this was my question, I assume it is OK for kids to eat them. I used to buy fromage frais but she would have about 6 a day - I have swapped these for low fat yogurts.

She has a strop about everything, not just food.

Maysie, your thread made me laugh - ours is tropical fish...... I am sure you can imagine. We have 2 fish tanks now and he just sits staring into them which I think it is calming for them. However, he just spends his days reading everything about fish, tropical fish, marine fish, shrimps, anything and everything - life is all about fish these days. He goes up the fish shop and lectures people on the fish they should be having and what size tank. He is 8. But on another note, that is a fantastic idea about the MP, he has been referred for lots of services and we do not hear a thing - they are 'overstretched' apparently - but I am going to see if he has an open surgery and see if I can get things moving as the wait is just ridiculous quite frankly. I do not think he needs to see anyone at CAMHS, my daughter probably though, and I have spoken to the school and they have a family worker that can come in and speak to her to see if she has any issues - I am going to get them to speak to her about why she does not respect the boundaries that we put in place. There are some other people who are going to speak to her and see if she has any issues too, I've also found a young carers group in the area for her age and am waiting for them to call me back.

She does not take and eat any other food in secrey - it is just the biscuits, cakes and sweets. When these we removed (the month before Xmas after I found her doing it) she did not ask for them anymore - they were just not there - no-one missed them and she did not take anything else to compensate - so she is just taking the things she could not have as she was not respecting the boundaries and rules I had put in place around those things.

Yes, we have a wii and have all the dance games as well as a wii fit and family trainer and family trainer extreme. My kids have their own playroom and the wii is on a lot of the time (it broke over Xmas and I went and bought a new one the next day). We play plenty of these games together and she could do more with me but when I ask her to walk the dog with me she always says no or she'll come begrudgingly.

I have spoken to a friend this morning - the school nurse picked up on her daughters weight and she had to go to the doctors each week and be weighed - so if I do not do this, they will. You do not get told the nurse is coming, it just happens so I want to be on the ball with this before the school make an issue of it inadvertently.

I am also going to involve her in all the cooking from now on, even though she does not eat a main meal. It cannot hurt to have her see what goes into the food I am dishing up.

And SW 'diet' (I'll use that word even though someone says I am obsessed, this word, to me, means the kind of foods that you are eating, my son has a high fat diet, my friends son is on a dairy free diet, it is just a word that people take too literally) consists of how much of something is good for you and how much is bad for you.

Yes there are bad foods, I have tried to find it but cannot, in the kids workbooks they had a plate and had to pick out the good foods and the bad foods so they foods are labelled good and bad early on in schools. Bad foods have a limit on how many can be eaten, goods foods can be eaten as much as they want. Biscuits and chocolate are not an essential part of a child's intake so we do not need to have them in the house. Cheese is but cannot be eaten by the packet so there is a limit on how much cheese she can have.

I think some of you are reading way too much into what I have written, even putting words into my mouth such as only letting her eat salad, singling her out at meals times and the like and this is not, and certainly has not, been the case, ever. Nor will it be. There are plenty of healthy family meals we can all eat. Bolognese is good - lasagne not so because of the cheese and white sauce - there is no nutritional loss by having bolognese and not lasagne other than cutting out the cheese and white sauce. It is all very well stopping a child from eating it but I think they need to be educated as to why they should not eat too much of those foods.

spaghetti_monster

Hi Stargazer, I do agree with you mainly. I know that for myself I always feel better when I'm busy and active and don't eat between meals.

I guess one of the main questions on this subject is how to teach children moderation. You said that you still have chocs over from Christmas - are they not what you'd call a treat? And from what you say I'm guessing that your son would not be likely to open a big box and eat it all for breakfast? So he knows that they're not everyday food and to be eaten in moderation?

blue_monkey_2

stargazer59 wrote: »

I think we should stop treating food as the enemy and get ourselves and our kids more active.

The problem then arises when you have a child with a disability and you cannot get out more which is our problem. Unless I have a friend with me just going for a walk or a trip to the park is not something you can do and that others really take for granted. Until I find someone to have him so I can go out for a walk or take her somewhere (because we cannot take him with us as he needs 1:1) then we cannot do these things together unless my husband is not working.

Offers of help seem to be in short supply though.

And the walk to school is all of 300 yards so cannot even have a long walk to school each day.

When we can get out, we do, but without having someone to give my son 1:1 then we cannot. That is the card that life has dealt us, so we have to deal with it.

I have no issue with her being unfit at all, she can run, cycle, trampoline and run around on the soft play for 2 hours without a break - if she could not do any of these then I would have more cause for concern - but she is certainly not unfit, however, there is a boundary and I need to ensure that she does not get too far overweight so that she cannot do these things. As a parent this is what I need to do.

blue_monkey_2

I do not think not having them in the house makes you crave it. If it is not there then there is no need to ask for it.

Sweets and chocolate tastes nice.

This is about not respecting the boundaries I have put in place.

Another example, I have - in the past - removed all make up from my DD that she gets as presents as she plasters it all over her bedroom and toys. This Xmas someone gave her some loose powder eye shadow and someone else lipgloss, I explained to her that it was for occasional wearing in her face and she has been putting some on (and we have been having to adjust the coco the clown look delicately'ooh, it's a bit smudged, let me wipe that bit off', LOL). This morning I have gone into her bedroom and all of her new toys are covered in eyeshadow, lipgloss over the furniture and walls. It is everywhere. I have told her to clean it off, and she has, and now the make up has been removed from her again but her new toys are ruined. She draws on walls and furniture.

For, whatever reason, she cannot follow what should be simple instructions despite being very intelligent otherwise. Is it normal for a 9 year old to be drawing on walls and furniture despite being told not to and having been punished for it on many occasions. I've even tried throwing away the damaged drawn on toys (baby anabelle had the Isle of Man drawn on her head and her my little pony toys were drawn on as well!!) but that made no difference either. She has no respect for the boundaries that are put in place - either that or she does not understand them.

My son does not get more attention than her, he gets less as while he needs supervising he is happy to play in his own little world on his own. She however, is a bit like this, if she was drawing in I was to sit down and ask if I could join in then that would be met with hysterics and I am certainly not allowed to touch anything she does or has made or is making. it has to be hers and hers only - as my friend found out when helping her colour in a mushroom one day and she was met by the picture being screwed up and thrown for being ruined and her going off and crying for half an hour.

And when both your children are like this and you are a SAHM, it is a hard place to be. Attention has nothing to do with this at all - they can have all they like, but neither are that interested in it. Even making cakes will end up with her going off after the first ingrediant is in the bowl. I give them the attention when they need it, but they do not seem to be like many other children. With playing games they have to be visibily winning otherwise the board is kicked into the air and there are tears and tantrums. Playing with both of them at the same time is pretty much a no-no as they both have to be winning and there are some battles I just choose to pick - having a fight and tantrum for half an hour over a board game, is not one of them.

Margaret52129

Sorry I've not read the whole thread so cannot comment on any replies, but I think you are doing the right thing blue monkey.

My elder daughter was chubby as a child from around 8-9 years old and knew it, especially as her sister was small for her size, but she was never picked on nor singled out in any way. They ate the same, did the same exercises (ballet/gym etc) but for some reason or other she remained chubby. We never banned any foods, but didn't have too many sweet things in the house as a general rule anyway and if I baked then the buns/cakes etc were there for puddings, not snacks).

When she went to uni, she put on a little bit more (freedom to drink whatever seemed to be the reason!) but as soon as she started working (aged 22) she lost all her 'puppy fat', and it has remained lost. She is in control of what she eats and through choice does a lot more exercising than she ever did. She looks back on photos and can laugh about it, but she never says 'why didn't you do anything about it?' It was just the way she was.

I know it's a long way off, but if you eat healthily, keep sweets/cakes/crisps to a minimum, then I'm sure she will be ok in the future.

Good luck to you and your family. You seem to be a caring mum - and not going OTT in dealing with it.

By the way SW don't call it a diet, but a healthy eating plan - because that is what it is.

Gillyx

I don't understand why the OP is being flamed. School nurses keep such an eye on things like this now (my OH's mum is a school nurse) and how would you feel if you had the nurse phoning you up telling you your child had to go to the doctors to be weighed weekly etc? Surely that would upset the child more?

Prevention is better than cure, in almost all circumstances.

As above SW is marketed as a healthy eating plan, my mum lost 5 stone with slimming world and now she's at her ideal weight she's maintained for many years now.

Buttonmoons

Did you say OP that she just gets a sandwich & yoghurt if she's had a hot meal at School? Maybe those days she IS hungry? School meals are not much, I've seen how much the kids get and a 11month old baby scoffs more at breakfast.

I know for my daughter a sandwich & yoghurt would fill her up, probably with a tangerine or something also. She is also (last time I checked as it annoys me) about 80 something on the NHS bmi thing, but she wears the right size of clothes (5-6) although we are going into the 6's now, as she seems to have stretched and her tops now ride up and expose her middriff. But still 5-6 for trousers.
To me, my daughter is normal sized, just because the BMI thing says she's on the higher end of the scale for weight, it doesn't mean she is overweight, it doesn't take into account things like body structure and whatnot.

Obviously your daughter is a bit overweight if her tummy sticks out and you are having trouble zipping things up, but I've noticed a lot of kids seem to pack it up a bit over Winter as they aren't as active (with weather and whatnot) when the nicer weather comes, will she not go outside on a scooter/bicycle etc?

The Wii is good (I don't know if you have one) but we got one at Xmas, and my one is always on it playing just dance, although we call her a pocket rocket anyways as she never stands when she can run on the spot - how she is on the higher end of the scale is beyond me, must of inherited my stocky legs

Height also plays a huge factor too, if she is above average on height, then she will be for weight too (presumably) Can't be a good situation to be in though, as I know myself, if my daughter started looking tubby around the middle (and not her cheeks on her face as she's always had chubby squeezy cheeks) or a double chin came about, then I'd probably be throwing every single piece of junk out the house and not taking her food shopping with me (although, it's me who throws the crap in the trolley not her!)

Difficult, but its easy to lecture when not in the situation yourself, I see some really fat kids at my daughters school and they get teased rotten, doesn't help their parents pick them up with and greet them with a can of coca cola and haribos mind!