Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

peachyprice

one_hot_minute wrote: »

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Actually Slimming World is simply a lifelong eating plan geared around fresh cooking, lean meats, carbs, veg,essential fats and calcium. It's suitable for children 12 plus and accepted as a way that all the family can eat, with extra cheese, yoghurts, treats for kids. If I made a SW meal for us all, I'd mash their potatoes or add cheese toppings to their spag bol, make them a pudding at the weekend etc.

And that's a good approach to healthy eating BUT OP has said that she's banned cheese because it's bad, she's only going to buy low fat yogs and the child is on a virtually fat free/sugar free diet, which isn't so good for a 9yo child.

Perhaps she's stealing the 'bad' food because her growing body is craving the things she's being denied? However at 9yo she can't differentiate between good fats/sugars and bad fats/sugars.

GlasweJen

Cheese isn't banned on slimming world, it's a healthy extra which means it should be eaten in measured amounts. Free foods are meat, veg, rice, pasta, fruit and eggs. Healthy extras are bread, Alpen bars (and others), milk, cheese, olive oil and things like that. Syns are chocolate, sweets, desserts and other junk.

dirtysexymonkey

GlasweJen wrote: »

Cheese isn't banned on slimming world, it's a healthy extra which means it should be eaten in measured amounts. Free foods are meat, veg, rice, pasta, fruit and eggs. Healthy extras are bread, Alpen bars (and others), milk, cheese, olive oil and things like that. Syns are chocolate, sweets, desserts and other junk.

yup. put a 9 year old with emerging food issues onto a diet which labels chocolate, sweets, desserts and 'other junk' as syns.

it doest matter if you change a letter. that is a stupid thing to impose on such a child. any child frankly.

Nicki

peachyprice wrote: »

And that's a good approach to healthy eating BUT OP has said that she's banned cheese because it's bad, she's only going to buy low fat yogs and the child is on a virtually fat free/sugar free diet, which isn't so good for a 9yo child.

Perhaps she's stealing the 'bad' food because her growing body is craving the things she's being denied? However at 9yo she can't differentiate between good fats/sugars and bad fats/sugars.

Hmmmm. I think you are taking what OP said out of context and twisting things to make her sound bad.

She said she wasn't offering cheese as a snack because her child gorged on it, and could eat the whole block in one sitting. Cheese is a healthy food, in the correct portion sizes, which is about a matchbox size piece per sitting. Eating a pound of cheese in one go is not good for anyone, child or not. So if the child is obsessed by cheese, maybe better that she gets her protein and calcium from another source which she can control better surely? I assume you are not saying that a diet cannot be healthy unless it contains cheese, as many many people don't like it? Besides which OP has said she cooks with cheese so her child is still getting some.

The low fat yogurts was OP's idea to compensate for the fact that she was going to offer her child unlimited access to them as a snack. If a child is only having one yogurt in a day, then I agree full fat is probably best, but not 3 or 4 full fat yogurts in one day if you want to address an out of control weight issue.

spaghetti_monster

Have to say I agree with those who mention the OH's behaviour. It's not the same as say alcohol (as one post mentioned)- this is one of many things totally off-limits for children that they have to learn are only for adults.
Crisps/chocs/etc are not off-limits - you have to learn that they are treats.

I was thinking about this as my OH works at home a lot of the time and has a habit of grazing on crisps, chocolate and liquorice the whole day long (washed down with about 20 cups of coffee!). We've been having a few "discussions" about this as we have a 10 month old and I don't want him to learn that this is normal behaviour.

I think the OP said that her OH can do what he likes in this regard, and that she's the one doing the parenting (?), but maybe the daughter has seen the OH too (parenting by example?)

stargazer59

I will probably get flamed for this but as an older mum and grandparent i am getting really worried about children nowadays.I have 3 adult children and 2 grandchildren plus a teenager.

I have a 13 year old son and he can eat whatever is in the house, no food is bad or banned. He doesnt stuff himself until he is sick, in fact i have just counted and we have 5 boxes of chocolates left from Christmas and they are just sat on the table.He also does not have to ask for it, if it is there he can have it, when it is gone it is gone.

I really object to people calling food treats, food is fuel for our bodies, once you start calling it treats it becomes something else.We eat pretty healthily but have a takeaway or whatever occasionally, we do not call it a treat but a chance to not have to cook, because i do not make food an issue he is fit, healthy and does not binge.

If anyone adult or child binges i think the logical thing would be to look at why they are doing it, before taking any drastic action. just before Christmas my son began eating much more and it turns out it was a growth spurt as he is suddenly taller than me!

I guess i am just saying a healthy attitude to food and not having banned foods or calling food treats has worked for my family, also spending time doing fun things and exercise (even just a walk) is better than calling some foods bad and banning them.

Before i come across as lecturing or smug i would like to point out that my eldest son who is in his 20s now, had and still does have issues with food, he is an emotional eater and used to overeat because he was unhappy with who he was, he has now begun to address this and has realised that he never actually got the feeling of being hungry , now he has learnt that what he thought was hunger was actually unhappiness or boredom.

Welshwoofs

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

yup. put a 9 year old with emerging food issues onto a diet which labels chocolate, sweets, desserts and 'other junk' as syns.

it doest matter if you change a letter. that is a stupid thing to impose on such a child. any child frankly.

100% agree.

In my opinion and in my experience of being put on a diet at that age, the first diet completely changes one's relationship with food forever. It's not the 'first and last diet' it's the 'first of many diets' as the child is taught to constantly obssess about what they put in their mouths.

IMO a far, FAR healthier way to proceed is to up the activity level and gently get to the bottom of the secret eating. Ask her if she's doing it because she wants those things and thinks she'll be denied them, or if eating them in secret makes her feel better somehow.

Maysie

I remember when they did about healthy eating at school at 6 or 7 my daughter went off cheese totally. She loved cheese on toast before that. Kids cannot discriminate information like an adult. Everything is black and white. You have to be so careful what you say and how you say it as they take in the information and come out with really weird ideas sometimes.

OP write to your MP begging for help to get to see camh's. A half decent mp will ask them in writing why they are not helping you. I was lucky and the school pushed for me funnily enough they lost the first application! Has the schools sen teacher written a statement or letter to go with application? http://www.writetothem.com/
Have you checked Camh's website ? Few links on there that might help. http://www.camh.org.uk/

My son is adhd he drives me nutty sometimes. He wont' stop talking about trains currently if i hear any more about is it electric,steam or diesel and what they have at didcot and other stations round oxfordshire and the country and what county things are in i will go insane. I am sure he is a touch asd with his obsessions with things. We tried a reward for not talking about trains,platforms and stations he lasted 40minutes. He is 8. He integrates enough they don't want to look at asd though. He never has friends round or i invite and he never gets an invite back.
He is so stubborn i have to bribe him or trick him into doing things. He can be aggressive when i say no.We did a reward chart for having a bath and going to bed on time that worked quite well as the reward was not to far away. We agreed the reward in advance so i knew he would focus on the prize!

Another fan of wii fit my kids both love Just Dance we have all 3 games! Do you have a wii ? Good for you too if your are aiming to get fitter.

Definitely see your doctor in private i am sure they would see you without her. They will tell you if they think there is a problem. A letter from doctors would also support your camhs application i would think.
Does your son have a social worker? They are quite good if you get a decent one at pushing things forward. My sisters was useless and didn't have a scooby do on what happens at 16 with Autistic teenagers. She never kept in touch applied badly not putting in his statements and he could not get into a properly supported college. His secondary school had to keep him and extra year (unheard of they were brilliant). My sister never heard of respite till her son was a teenager it is available they just hate paying for it. Google respite (can be a few hours to overnight) your area and autism see if you can find anything mentioned so you know what to ask about.

Try not to stress about your daughter's weight kids really pick up on stress. Hopefully she is gearing up for another growth spurt which will sort a lot of this out. I am slightly dubious of taking all treats away. From one extreme to another might be to much of a shock and cause more harm than good. Have a good chat about what's right and wrong and how upset it made you feel that she took and took and never asked explain how shocking that was. Ask her how she would feel if you took/borrowed something of hers without asking. Really push the empathy route. Mine struggles unless i put it how would you feel if x did that to you. He still does not get it half the time but I keep trying.

Good luck.

_Kate__2

I have only skimmed the thread so apologies if this has already been suggested.

I am a childminder and did a 'Food' related theme for December, I care for children from 13 mths to 9 yo and by far the best thing to explain healthy eating principle was the food triangle.

Don't know if these are considered quite old fashioned now? but all the kids (from about 3 upwards) could interpret the visual triangle easily.

We went on to 'healthy food plates' where we used a paper plate to divide into sections for the various food groups and then drew our favourite meal.

We also looked at exercise, the effect on our bodies and went down a slight biology route with that.

Fwiw I do think you are doing the right thing, you as a parent have picked up on an aspect of your child's life that is affecting them negatively. Would the school nurse or health visitor be able to help or offer any assistance?

spaghetti_monster

stargazer59 wrote: »

I really object to people calling food treats, food is fuel for our bodies, once you start calling it treats it becomes something else.

I guess this could be a healthy attitude to have, but it's not really how our society works. Food is so much more than just a fuel in many many ways and it's maybe better to teach children how to handle that.

We are not more evolved than when we were living in caves, hunting/gathering etc and food was scarce. We are therefore still programmed to wolf down sugar and fat.
In our society we now have an abundance of sugary/fatty foods, and plenty of time and money in which to sit around eating them, we are less active etc. Hence the massive increase in obesity, heart disease, diabetes etc