Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

Nicki

I thought a slimming world dinner was just a meal in accordance with the Sw guidelines. Which as I understand it is home prepared, meat and vegetables, or pasta/rice and vegetarian with a certain number of permitted "treats" per week. Exactly in line with normal healthy eating guidelines in fact. Children don't need additional salt in their diets, which is why school dinners are all salt free, nor do they need sugar. They do need a higher amount of fat than an adult, but a low fat yogurt or dessert won't do them any harm and doesn't need a doctors permission so long as the overall fat content of the day's meals is sufficient.

meritaten

Nicki wrote: »

I thought a slimming world dinner was just a meal in accordance with the Sw guidelines. Which as I understand it is home prepared, meat and vegetables, or pasta/rice and vegetarian with a certain number of permitted "treats" per week. Exactly in line with normal healthy eating guidelines in fact. Children don't need additional salt in their diets, which is why school dinners are all salt free, nor do they need sugar. They do need a higher amount of fat than an adult, but a low fat yogurt or dessert won't do them any harm and doesn't need a doctors permission so long as the overall fat content of the day's meals is sufficient.

Nicki your understanding of a childs requirements is underwhelming. a Slimming World dinner is aimed at an obese adult who needs to lose weight - not a child who is growing!
the only sensible thing you have said is that a child needs a higher fat requirement!
they also need more calcium (cheese would be good but the OP says this is 'bad')
and low fat yoghurt etc - is NOT what I recommend for kids. they also do need a certain amount of salt - every person does - and I dont think that school dinners are salt free. or that its desirable that they are salt free!
an adult diet which is low fat, low salt, low everything is NOT good for kids!

balletshoes

blue_monkey wrote: »

Wow, lots of replies, thanks. I'll answer a few quick things.


Regardless if anyone thinks otherwise, if I cannot get clothes, for her age, to fit her waist, then there is an issue. The next few sizes up are too big in the leg, therefore she comes out of the shop upset. She cannot get dresses with zip on, so she has has no pretty party dresses - again, she comes out of the shop upset.

you've had lots of great advice already on this thread - i can only add that even an average size girl at age 9 or 10 will have trouble getting clothes to fit in shops. shops seem to be following the adult trend at the moment ie different fits in different garments, never mind in different shops.

my DD is average build, a dancer, and average height too. She is 10, and for at least 3 years I've bought her the next size or 2 up in tops and jackets in most shops, as her age size is usually just too tight (especially Tesco - I have no idea what body shape they model their girls coats on!). my DD has just said recently she'd like to try jeans again, after about 4 years of not wearing any. I think, like your DD, she'll be trying jeans on in various shops and coming out upset, because if they fit around the waist, they'll be too tight or too long etc etc etc.

balletshoes

Ravenlady wrote: »

I may get flamed for saying this but my DD looks like a bloke in drag in a dress, dresses in the high street are just not cut to suit her frame. They're all too short and fitted these days.

What shops are you trying?

you're lucky your DDs will even look at party dresses - mine was about 6 the last time she'd wear one! oh, tell a lie, last year we were invited to a big family do, she chose a dress (an expensive one, from Debenhams). I nearly fell in a heap! It was next size up though, and fitted well (it doesn't fit anymore, she's growing too fast).

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Meritaten, whilst I love the vast majority of your posts, I have to disagree with you to some extent.

To the extent that this OP's child could give the clothes that won't go over her stomach properly to my nearly 13 year old and they would swamp her. And my nearly 13 year old could wear the T-shirts the OP's daughter would ordinarily be expected to wear at the age of 9.

My DD isn't underweight anymore, she hasn't been since she was about 5 or 6. She is slap bang on the 50th centile for height, slightly below it for weight. She has blood tests for a suspected medical condition unrelated to diet. Everything is 'perfect'. She is at the normal stages in terms of puberty, everything is completely unremarkable, other than the medical condition.

There is no way a 9 year old should have so much fat on their body that their clothes are too big for a perfectly average teenager. Especially one that wears a proper bra, size 8 adult jeans and can pinch my size 7 trainers.

There is salt in bread, in baked beans, in fish, in pasta, in cereals, in pretty much everything in the shops. Western people - including children - get plenty of sodium in their diet.


Low fat convenience foods tend to be sky high in terms of sugar and salt instead, so I wouldn't want to encourage them, personally - but it still remains that the child has had too much junk (and like many adults, is pretty much addicted to the buzz of refined carbs and the taste of high salt) over a long period of time if she has become borderline fat. And unfortunately, to be that large, I suspect she is very much on the way to being the fat kid in the class, which no amount of 'but you're beautiful as you are' or 'it's just puppy fat, it'll disappear by magic' will ever save her from being permanently identified as such.


Children cannot be trusted to make adult decisions regarding food and health. They're children. My eldest stuffed on Christmas chocolate until she was sick twice when she was 4. She never stuffed her face with chocolate again. Other children - this is not the first one I have heard of - puke up everywhere and then whine they're hungry.


I formed the opinion that 9 - 10 year old girls are generally horrible. Tantrums and paddies are par for the course, as they revert to toddler behaviour, especially as it worked for them earlier. Plus the larger ones are further along the puberty spectrum due to the extra fat, so there are hormones flying around.



I think the OP is very brave to talk about it here.


Conversely, I don't understand this ASD stuff being blamed for it. Only by experience - my brother, who would never have dreamed of taking something for himself if he had been told no. If that's the rules, he would stick to them.

Nicki

meritaten wrote: »

Nicki your understanding of a childs requirements is underwhelming. a Slimming World dinner is aimed at an obese adult who needs to lose weight - not a child who is growing!
the only sensible thing you have said is that a child needs a higher fat requirement!
they also need more calcium (cheese would be good but the OP says this is 'bad')
and low fat yoghurt etc - is NOT what I recommend for kids. they also do need a certain amount of salt - every person does - and I dont think that school dinners are salt free. or that its desirable that they are salt free!
an adult diet which is low fat, low salt, low everything is NOT good for kids!

I based what I said on my understanding of what slimming world food is all about. I haven't done the plan myself, but if you look at this link it gives an idea of what foods would be eaten on an average day

http://bonniebaby.21.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=97206&sid=92c870c41b15b0e6bb8ee4759b7569d9#97206

You will see that it included plenty of protein, calcium and a reasonable amount of fat.

Typical breakfast was an egg on whole meal toast with some fruit. Lunch was meat or fish with some veg and a portion controlled carbs, dinner similar, with yogurt, cheese and milk all included.

School meals in my area definitely do not have added salt, and no salt is on the table, because as jojo points out kids get enough salt to meet their needs elsewhere. Even "healthy" foods such as unsweetened breakfast cereals have salt added, and the body really doesn't need a lot, especially as a child, to function. I have been told this by the Head of School Meals in our local authority herself so have no reason to doubt that it's true!

one_hot_minute

I could have written this myself. My two are so different, one's a grazer, lean and borders on underweight, the other is a sturdy little thing who would eat and eat til he burst if I let him. It's responsible parenting to try to establish healthy eating habits at this age - for both. That's all the OP is trying to do, not ration or single her daughter out.

meritaten wrote: »

It also concerns me that you say she has been 'stealing' food! why do you use this term? she is a member of the family isnt she? you said you thought it was your OH and didnt dream of even asking him about it. so why is it that if DD takes food - its termed 'stealing'?

Replace stealing with bingeing. BM is simply being a responsible parent by trying to establish why her daughter's bingeing, take precautions to stop it happening and educating her on healthy eating patterns.

meritaten wrote: »

yes - I agree blue-monkey taking sweets that belonged to the 'school' was stealing. but tbh - you didnt make that plain in your post did you?
all I get from your posts is diet diet diet - YOU want to diet because YOU are at the top end of the BMI - never mind that this is considered healthy.
your son is on a diet
you want to put DD on a diet
the only one exempt from a diet from what I have read is your OH!
Please dont take this the wrong way - but, I think that you are the one with issues with food.
you consider cheese to be 'bad' - when in fact it should be an essential part of your childs intake.
You seem to think that an adult 'diet' is healthy for yourself and the kids -it isnt hun - Kids NEED FATS AND CALCIUM AND CARBOHYDRATES in THIER diet! a childs needs is much different to an adults - and an adult wieghtwatchers diet could quickly put a child at risk of malnutrition.
it seems to me that everyone in your family has to be 'on a diet' except OH of course - who apparently can stuff himself with chocolate, biscuits and crisps and nothing is said.
I really dont mean to offend - I just hope that you will go back and re-read what you have posted. because I dont think you understand that a childs needs for fats etc is totally different to an adults.

Wow, that's patronising!

Actually Slimming World is simply a lifelong eating plan geared around fresh cooking, lean meats, carbs, veg,essential fats and calcium. It's suitable for children 12 plus and accepted as a way that all the family can eat, with extra cheese, yoghurts, treats for kids. If I made a SW meal for us all, I'd mash their potatoes or add cheese toppings to their spag bol, make them a pudding at the weekend etc.

The one thing I did want to question was the comment that two hot meals a day was too much. I disagree, particularly in the winter. I give my kids cold packed lunch but I try to give them a warm brekkie in the winter, porridge or toast. BM are you only giving her a sandwich at night if she has school lunch? I don't think that's enough chick. My 9 year old is the one who would eat and eat if I let him. If he was hungry he'd never ask for dinner but would ask for sweets. Perhaps this has something to do with it? Long shot but just a thought. If you can maybe add some homemade soup or something to the sandwich. How is she with other bread products, wraps / bagels etc? These are more filling and have a lower GI to keep her going for longer.

Also like someone else said, I allow them free reign with yoghurts, fruit etc.

It's keeping the grandparents in check that's my main problem. And boooooy,it's a massive problem.:rotfl:

scottishchick27

I have the same issue as you OP concerning my DD's weight, it is on the high side even though she is very active. We are all ( me, OH and DD) going to be healthy eating from now on. She won't be told we are on a diet but that we are eating more healthily, this seems to be promoted at school going by the leaflets she comes home with. Despite what Meritaten has said I see no problem with making SW meals for her, I use WW recipes for our main meals and while they are low in fat and calories they are also full of veg, either with carbohydrates or protein. My OH and DD love it when I'm on a diet as the recipes are so yummy (even though they occasionally put grated cheese on top of theirs). Her lunch is normally homemade soup or sandwich with yoghurt and she loves fruit. Sometimes it's school dinners. My biggest obstacle is going to be her grandparents who give her snacks after school, I need to think of something she can eat after school to keep her going till suppertime that's not a biscuit or a dairylea dunker.

I'd forgotten about centiles till this thread but have checked and her weight is on 90th centile but her height is on the 97th centile, still trying to get my head around it all though.

Good luck to you OP xx

Fellpony_2

I used to be the overweight DD who "stole" food, not just binge eating but pure stealing, the family were short of money, I was miserable, all my friends were slim and got "everything". I didn't care what it was, it could be bread, cooking chocolate, at one point it was toothpaste! My dad used to single me out, (mum was over weight, dad was slim) and at every meal time made the food on my plate a huge issue, especially if we had guests over for a meal. It has taken a very long time for me to have a decent relationship with food, up until last year I would still sneak food (from my own kitchen I hasten to add!) if I thought I was missing out.

I think the OP is very sensible to look in to why her DD is taking food, it has taken me til the age of 34 (last year) to seperate emotional anxiety and feeling miserable from the need to eat.

Oh and I seem to remember when I joined Slimming World that their newest regime was designed for obese kids (12+ if I remember rightly) and they found it so successful that they rolled it out to adults as it wasn't a diet as such more of a balance of the right proportions of food to each other. So the whole family eating the right proportions of food groups has got to be a good thing especially in not singling out DD.

dirtysexymonkey

dont make a big deal out of food for her. dont buy the crap and ensure that she gets a lot of exercise. it sounds like the attention is lavished on your son and your daughter doesnt get a fair amount. there may well be reasons for that but shes nine and shes desperately unhappy.

its time you and her went for a bike ride, a horse ride, spent an hour on the wii dancing game being silly. you have to lead by example. when she starts losing weight and being healthier then its time to slowly reintroduce snacks. but not shop bought crap. home baked stuff, which she can be involved in making. then she can have one. the rest should be distributed in the family and any excess given to neighbours/friends etc.

make it all positive. give her plenty of fresh fruit to eat. a smoothie freshly made (by her!) will give her more real pleasure (and nutrition) than secretly stealing a penguin bar.

all main meals should be eaten together at the table. the only snacks that should be allowed (for all of you) should be fruit and vegetables.

if your oh puts his sweet tooth above his daughters well being and happiness in relation to food, then he needs a stern talking to. if he wants a bar of chocolate then he buys it out of the house, eats it out of the house and never brings it home and never lets his daughter find out about it.

when shes got a more balanced view of food then you can introduce shop bought chocolates but not before.