Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

Padstow

blue_monkey wrote: »

I've just weighed my 9 yo DD and (ideally) she needs to lose 18lb. She was always on the 50th centile of her red book - now she is on the 91st.

Everyone just said that it was 'puppy fat' and not to worry about it so I have just left it - however, late last year I found
from the cupboard after the sweets I bought in the house for the PTA, were stolen and I found all the wrappers hidden down the side of a unit in her bedroom. It was then that I removed all sweets, biscuits and cakes from the house so she could not do it anymore.

I'll be honest, I thought it was my husband taking the biscuits and sweets to work and never said anything to him (like I was going to tell him off for eating it!!). It must have been DD.

We all have to get onto a healthy eating regime now Xmas is past. I go to SW but everyone else eats normally otherwise - I am at the top end of the healthy BMI range but I want to be the lower end rather than the higher end and am aiming to lose a stone (after I put some back on over Xmas). So, incorporating SW 'free' meals into our household meals is not a problem - however, she does have school dinners and then I cannot see what she is eating.

My DD is not a super active child which is where some of the problem arises, she has always been more into crafting/writing/reading. We do have a big garden but they are not interested in being out there when it is cold and wet. We are not like other families and able to get out and do things because my DS has disabilities and I cannot go out unless I have someone to give him 1:1 - and with hubby at work it is just me and the kids. I do not have people who help out with DS, nor can he go to clubs as no-one will have him, so getting out to be active is an issue for us. Even a trip to the park is nigh on impossible so this is another issue I contend with.

Wondered if anyone else had been in this situation at all please and can help me move forward. I do not want to start having her obsessed with body image, just get her back into the normal range - but how do I do this without her knowing that there are things she can no longer eat. When she is at school I am not in control at all of what she eats. Do I need to be blunt with her? I have tried the subtle way of not asking her to eat so much but she still just keeps on going into the fridge and taking it.

Any help would be most appreciated.

My son needs fat in his diet as he is very underweight, I and think my daughter may have a touch of ASD (my son has Autism) but has the opposite problem with food. If I try and stop her eating she has massive meltdowns. There is no way I am going to get help for this aspect - certainly not in the forseeable future - so I need to deal with this now while we are all changing our diets.

Just wondering how I approach this with her and speak to her about it without making such a big issue out of it. While she is very intelligent she seems very immature in her attitude towards her diet and I need to do it in a way she understands and softly, softly is not working. They do healthy eating at school, she knows what foods are good and what are bad but that does not stop her eating the bad in secret. Obviously I am going to stop buying it but I also need her to lose a few lb - even if her weight stays the same so as she grows, her weight evens out, I need to do something before it becomes an even bigger issue than it is now.

Anyone out there that can help me with suggestions and advice, please.

"I'll be honest, I thought it was my husband taking the biscuits and sweets to work and never said anything to him (like I was going to tell him off for eating it!!). It must have been DD."
"she had been stealing foods"

So OK for H to "steal" but not DD. No wonder she has eating issues.

blue_monkey_2

Padstow wrote: »

"I'll be honest, I thought it was my husband taking the biscuits and sweets to work and never said anything to him (like I was going to tell him off for eating it!!). It must have been DD."
"she had been stealing foods"

So OK for H to "steal" but not DD. No wonder she has eating issues.

If my husband wants to get fat on crap then so be it - I am not his parent. I use the word 'stealing' for him - maybe I should change that to 'raiding' as he leaves early for work.

And while I am the parent, I will parent. If this means I have to lock everything away she cannot eat then so be it.

If I let her go on eating the way she is she will be 9 stone by the time she is 10 - hardly healthy is it? Then what are you all going to be saying about me, that I should not have let her eat all that stuff.

By taking the food and hiding it, she knew it was wrong to take it.

It matters not, there will be no more chances as there will not be any to take.

Oh and when we had the lady from the the Sure Start and OH come and see me for my son, it was recommended that we put the food away and put locks on the cupboard where HE could not get it if he was taking it. Apparently this is common behaviour for children with ASD.

meritaten

blue_monkey wrote: »

I've thrown them away.

All of my friends have their treats hidden and up high otherwise the kids will just eat them.

I just do not buy them anymore. If I did and I left them out, she would take them and eat them.

I could put a whole range of things here that she takes that are not hers. I have had to hide loads of my things because she takes them, uses them and breaks them, she has no respect for anyone having something of their own that is special either. Anything special she has just gets ruined or lost.

So yes, if I have something I do not want her to touch I lock it away.

However, while CAMHS might well be interested in her, I cannot even get them to see my son who has been referred about 10 times in the last 5 years and they will not see him. And as my daughter is a little angel at school, I am not getting anywhere fast there - no-one believed what she was like at home until the lady next door started there as a teaching assistant and now everyone seems to know about her daily tantrums.

IF it is ASD related then, like my son, she might need more visual aids. He has to have social stories to help him learn what to and what not to do. Maybe my daughter is the same. As we have a lot of history of women on the maternal side of the family having ASD, maybe this is not something to be disregarded either and maybe she needs more visual prompts on what is good and what is bad.

I think I have just answered my own question there.

maybe hun - but it may be more to do with you than her!

and you DO seem to be rather fixated on good and bad foods - when in fact NO FOOD IS BAD! just foods which need to eaten in moderation.

Ravenlady_2

blue_monkey wrote: »

That is helpful to know Raven, thank you. Because this is the issue I am having. I steered her away from dresses for the last party and bought a top and leggings, however, the top was an age 13 (looked like a short dress on her) as it clung to her belly and rode up otherwise.

I cannot get any party dresses, with zips in the back, to fit her at all. I've had some elasticated ones but they are few and far between.

I may get flamed for saying this but my DD looks like a bloke in drag in a dress, dresses in the high street are just not cut to suit her frame. They're all too short and fitted these days.

What shops are you trying?

meritaten

blue_monkey wrote: »

If my husband wants to get fat on crap then so be it - I am not his parent. I use the word 'stealing' for him - maybe I should change that to 'raiding' as he leaves early for work.

And while I am the parent, I will parent. If this means I have to lock everything away she cannot eat then so be it.

If I let her go on eating the way she is she will be 9 stone by the time she is 10 - hardly healthy is it? Then what are you all going to be saying about me, that I should not have let her eat all that stuff.

By taking the food and hiding it, she knew it was wrong to take it.

It matters not, there will be no more chances as there will not be any to take.

Oh and when we had the lady from the the Sure Start and OH come and see me for my son, it was recommended that we put the food away and put locks on the cupboard where HE could not get it if he was taking it. Apparently this is common behaviour for children with ASD.

oh sweety - dont you SEE what you are doing????????????? are you blind?
dad is allowed to stuff himself on crap - you lock the kids treats away!!!!!!!!!
you bang on about wieght and diet and fixate on BMI and Percentiles. you obsess about wieght! yes hun - its YOUR obsession!

oh - and the lady from Sure Start - was she a qualified nutritionist and child psychologist? even so - locking food away is to my mind a sure way of getting kids obsessed about food!
If there is a food which you dont want the kids to have - then you dont buy it and everyone goes without! you dont buy it then lock it away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that gives that food an allure - which makes it even more attractive to the kids! and its bluddy cruel to buy treats then tell the kids they cant have them!!!!!!!!!!!! and lock them away! but dad can have them!
make the kids feel loved and valued? I dont think so!

Nicki

meritaten wrote: »

maybe hun - but it may be more to do with you than her!

and you DO seem to be rather fixated on good and bad foods - when in fact NO FOOD IS BAD! just foods which need to eaten in moderation.

Candy floss? Consists only of sugar and artificial colours. Or Coca Cola? Just two examples. Neither offer anything of any nutritional benefit and can have nasty side effects. Not to say they are poisonous or anything of the sort, but the kind of thing surely best kept as a very occasional treat for a child of normal weight?

By the way, we buy and consume wine and other alcoholic drinks reasonably regularly, but don't allow our kids access to these. Is that unfair, and making them feel unloved and not valued? OP had the treats in her house because she was storing them for the PTA. My non Asd child would have understood in a heartbeat that this meant they were not for family consumption and would have left them be. And if my OH had helped himself to them, my kids would have known that he would replace them too.

puddy

blue_monkey wrote: »

I have asked her especially as she will take them even on sweet day. She just shrugs her shoulders and says 'don't know'.

Short of getting therapy (which I cannot even get for my son despite being referred numerous times over the last 5 years), what am I supposed to do if she does not know herself?

However, I am guessing it is just because she likes sweets and wants to eat them and I do not let her have as many as she wants. I do not know any of my friends that have a free reign on the kids having treats as they would not eat anything else but those.

but she's 9 years old, of course shes not going to be able to necessarily to verbalise her exact feelings and emotions. but talking to her about how she feels about various things, school, family, herself may get her to say something which makes you realise whats going on for her. she is definitely associating emotional satisfaction from particular foods if she is having a strop for not getting a biscuit, or is it just because you said no? does she get into a strop normally if you say no to other things like bedtimes or gifts, books etc??

it does sound a bit lonely for her to be honest, she cant have that many friends home because of their routines or her brother

Lunar_Eclipse

blue_monkey wrote: »

I am not sure if I am honest, if I give her a meal she will ask for more, and more and more and she will continue to eat until she is physically sick.

At first I thought you were over reacting, because without saying what percentile height she is on, she could well be in perfect balance for all we know (95th centile for both = 'perfect'.)

However, weight aside, the behaviour described above is not what I would consider normal or healthy. It sounds like an eating/medical disorder of some kind, so before doing anything, I would go and discuss it with my GP, alone.

puddy

i had thought prada wili when i read the OP but i would have thought that at 9 years old, this would have been diagnosed much earlier on if she has this but this is why its important to find out as much as you can about her feelings of what she does and why she does it (does she show any remorse after these tantrums, does she hurt other people or herself when having a strop, kick or damage things?)

also, children shouldnt have fat/salt/sugar free meals unless specifically prescribed by the gp or other health professional so check whether this is suitable for her before continuing to give her slimming world dinners

Flora_Poste

My DD is a bit on the cuddly side too. It's only come on in the last couple of years (she's 9) and we struggle with the clothes too at the moment. I'm really careful what we choose to try on in shops because it's really sad if nothing fits.

Again I wouldn't make a big deal of it with her. I understand about the stealing but I think you need different strategies than hiding and forbidding food. It just makes it more of a game that they need to win.

We just don't buy biscuits and cakes much anymore. Nobody really needs them. At the moment there's a packet of chocolate chip cookies and some unopened Christmas stuff that will begoing to Grandmas soon. If we want cakes we make them and wolf them down the same day. Otherwise it's meat, veg, etc and it doesn't become interesting until its cooked. I have reduced DD portion size but give her a smaller plate so you don't notice. Then once it's gone it's gone. No point having a strop. If you are still hungry then help yourself out of the fruit bowl or see if there's any yoghurts left. Otherwise go and do something usefull to keep yourself occupied. Its not making a big issue out of it that will cause problems later.