Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

Welshwoofs

Like Julie further up the thread, when I was 8-9 I was put on a diet.

In my case I wasn't very happy at that age - my parents were divorced and going through horrible custody battles with my Father trying emotional blackmail on me every time I saw him. I used to get upset and steal food that I'd eat in my room on the quiet. I also got found out and the upshot was that I was put on a diet - once a week I got picked up from school by a dietician and taken off to be weighed. It was humiliating...and from never having had a mention of weight from other schoolkids, I went to being bullied horribly for having to go to a 'fat club'

The other issue is that it was counter-productive because then the act of being publically shamed and bullied as a consequence meant I got even more unhappy and ate more...I even took to stealing sweets from shops when my Mother removed them all from the house.

Because of that start I've always been an emotional eater (and drinker!) and have battled weight all my life as a result (I'm now 42). Now, in order to maintain weight, I eat a low-carb diet. I simply cannot eat 'normally' because if I get anxious or upset I find it too easy to go overboard.

So my advice is not to make a big deal out of it - instead of restricting her food left, right and centre I'd get her involved in more activities.

blue_monkey_2

Ravenlady wrote: »

I cant find naff all jeans and trousers in the shops to fit my DD either who is also 9, they all seem to be tailored towards skinny minnies.
My DD is not fat at all, she is kind of thick waisted and has some padding on her thighs and bum but not fat.

Going by clothes sizes is giving a very wrong signal about how young girls should look and weight.

That is helpful to know Raven, thank you. Because this is the issue I am having. I steered her away from dresses for the last party and bought a top and leggings, however, the top was an age 13 (looked like a short dress on her) as it clung to her belly and rode up otherwise.

I cannot get any party dresses, with zips in the back, to fit her at all. I've had some elasticated ones but they are few and far between.

claire16c

blue_monkey wrote: »

I have to disagree I am afraid. My friends DD was, if anything, slightly underweight and started coming home from school saying she was fat and stopped eating lots of things. Turned out another girl at school was picking on her for being 'fat' but the girls mother was actually anorexic and hardly ate a thing, turned out the daughter thought this normal too and taunted the girls who were fatter than her. Which was most of them. She was 5 as well.

It is what their peers pick up as well, and unfortunately, you cannot stop them talking to everyone at school and this is where a lot of the comments come from.

Exactly.

Its no different to kids calling the skinny ones anorexic.

Or even calling each other names because of hair colour, glasses etc. kids will always find something to pick on each other.

To say a child would only know about being 'fat' from adults or tv is ridiculous!

poet123

blue_monkey wrote: »

I have to disagree I am afraid. My friends DD was, if anything, slightly underweight and started coming home from school saying she was fat and stopped eating lots of things. Turned out another girl at school was picking on her for being 'fat' but the girls mother was actually anorexic and hardly ate a thing, turned out the daughter thought this normal too and taunted the girls who were fatter than her. Which was most of them. She was 5 as well.

It is what their peers pick up as well, and unfortunately, you cannot stop them talking to everyone at school and this is where a lot of the comments come from.

It is coming from adults though, and when the comments are made and relayed home it should be explained why some children make such comments, not reinforced by reducing their food intake.

Healthy eating at school should never put that sort of message across, if that is what they are getting from it it is being taught incorrectly.

blue_monkey_2

Ravenlady wrote: »

18lbs is a hell of a lot of weight for a 9 year old, are you aiming to get her back to the 50th centile?

What is her height centile?

Slimming world is great for an adult but maybe you are taking this healthy eating too far, please dont diet your daughter just yet!
She needs to grow without food restrictions and she will be starting to go through puberty soon and will naturally store up fat ready for a growth spurt and change her body shape from a girls to a young womans.

Dieting now is a very bad thing.

She is around 40th centile for height, I did this at the same time.

I think SW makes you think about what you are eating and makes you realise that a food is bad for you - cheese for example, she would eat until the cows come home, but it's not the healthiest thing for you. So I need a way to explain to her why it is not the healthiest.

I do not want to put her on a 'diet', I want her to eat healthy and the fridge is already full of yogurt, fruit and salad vegetables - however, she would rather have a biscuit and has a strop if she cannot have a biscuit.

I want her to realise that the foods that she is eating can be bad for her - I think that is an education tbh. It is healthy eating, something they get told every day at school - yet she does not seem to be taking it in at school. I need another way of showing her how much is fine to eat, and how much is too much.

poet123

claire16c wrote: »

Exactly.

Its no different to kids calling the skinny ones anorexic.

Or even calling each other names because of hair colour, glasses etc. kids will always find something to pick on each other.

To say a child would only know about being 'fat' from adults or tv is ridiculous!

So, if is hair colour which is being commented on at 5 do you dye their hair? or explain that others can be unkind, but that they are incorrect. How you as a parent or carer react to it determines how affected they are by it.

blue_monkey_2

We do have some sweets in our house, they are all hidden. Both kids are only allowed sweets on a Saturday.

As with the other poster, she has a pudding every day at school that is usually some sort of sweet cake - so that is a treat as far as I am concerned, she does not need more. My son takes a cake in his lunchbox so he does not need a cake in the evening.

claire16c

poet123 wrote: »

It is coming from adults though, and when the comments are made and relayed home it should be explained why some children make such comments, not reinforced by reducing their food intake.

Healthy eating at school should never put that sort of message across, if that is what they are getting from it it is being taught incorrectly.

You dont need to reduce your childs food intake - unless they are eating too much food in the first place!

blue_monkey wrote: »

She is around 40th centile for height, I did this at the same time.

I think SW makes you think about what you are eating and makes you realise that a food is bad for you - cheese for example, she would eat until the cows come home, but it's not the healthiest thing for you. So I need a way to explain to her why it is not the healthiest.

I do not want to put her on a 'diet', I want her to eat healthy and the fridge is already full of yogurt, fruit and salad vegetables - however, she would rather have a biscuit and has a strop if she cannot have a biscuit.

I want her to realise that the foods that she is eating can be bad for her - I think that is an education tbh. It is healthy eating, something they get told every day at school - yet she does not seem to be taking it in at school. I need another way of showing her how much is fine to eat, and how much is too much.

If she has a strop, let her have one.

Theres nothing wrong with letting her have a biscuit though - just not 10 of them in one go!

claire16c

poet123 wrote: »

So, if is hair colour which is being commented on at 5 do you dye their hair? or explain that others can be unkind, but that they are incorrect. How you as a parent or carer react to it determines how affected they are by it.

Of course you explain. Ive told her some children are not always nice to others and she should ignore them. Ive heard her mum telling her quite a few times how beautiful she is when shes said something similar to her. The point is that comments like that dont come from tv shows or adults, its playground talk that has been going on for as long as I can remember.

Making sure she has a healthy diet has nothing to do with other kids comments. Her brother is not overweight at all, and he is also not allowed to gorge on chocolate/biscuits etc.

And yes children are also taught by teachers about healthy foods. Im 28 and I was taught in the 80s about it!

There is a massive child obesity problem in this country and children do notice what other kids look like (whether its their weight or something else about them)!

blue_monkey_2

poet123 wrote: »

It is coming from adults though, and when the comments are made and relayed home it should be explained why some children make such comments, not reinforced by reducing their food intake.

Healthy eating at school should never put that sort of message across, if that is what they are getting from it it is being taught incorrectly.

Yes, but the kids aren't stupid. They know they are being taught to eat healthy so they do not get fat and then they ridicule the kids who are bigger than them.

My daughter says all the time that she is fat but that is never something we have said - nor incinuated. I've not even told her what our intentions are. We just say she is built different to other people that do lots of sports and that people have different body shapes.

We talk about healthy eating, not losing weight or being skinny, just that we have to eat the right foods and that there will be no bad ones in the house.

I am not the monster I am coming across as, however, I am concerned her weight is going to rise. I want to ensure she is getting the right foods to help her maintain the weight she is at and not put more on. That does not make me a bad mother. However, if she eats fromage frais day in, day out, that is not going to happen because they are bad for you.