Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

Gillyx

Pretty much as others have said, at 9 I wouldn't worry too much but it is something to keep an eye on, especially if as you say she is stealing sweets from the kitchen.

I do think its commendable that you are hoping to do something about it though and not just sticking your head in the sand, which is what I see a lot of parents of overweight children doing.

When I was younger, my mum had a "treat box" where she kept sweets, crisps etc, but I always knew I had to ask first before taking anything from it, but fruit, yoghurts etc were always free reign and I could eat them whenever I felt hungry.

If you are on SW you will be cooking healthy dinners for the whole family so I'd continue down that route while providing healthy snacks which can be eaten at any time if she feels hungry. You could also try and introduce the thought of maybe dance class or gymnastics and ask her if it's something she'd like to do?

I do understand you don't want to push too hard though, as girls can quite quickly develop issues with weight/food and that's the last thing you want.

I would also ask her why she felt the need to steal the sweets from the kitchen, that way you may get a deeper understanding of why she is doing it.

WhiteHorse

The key question is why this is happening.

Nicki

Oh dear! I had a thread like this at the end of the summer, and I got completely flamed for it!

BUT, sticking my head over the parapet, I had almost exactly the same situation. My DS was 11 and on the 85th centile. We had been told by the school nurse he was overweight, so he wasnt within normal ranges contrary to what someone has posted further up He wasn't eating unhealthily really just too much. I have a DD with severe autism and a baby, so family based exercise was not really feasible.

What I did, in the face of massive criticism here, was to buy a tailored program for children called Slimkids. It comprises a book written for children about healthy eating and portion control and exercise. We all read it and followed its principles. My DS and I worked out every week his entire menu for the week, incorporating all the principles we had learned. When he went back to school, he knew enough to chose the healthiest option from the school dinner menu. I was surprised at how quickly the problem resolved itself, within 6 weeks he was back to a normal weight for his height (a combination of losing some weight and growing a bit). He chose to incorporate some extra exercise into his life by cycling more and joining some sports clubs at school. We had about 2 weeks of moaning about missing out on treats like ice creams on hot days or sweets, which was when I posted my thread, but after that he adapted, and these things are now seen by him as treats not regular entitlements.

Based on my experience, I would therefore be inclined to involve her completely. At 9 she will know she is bigger than her classmates and is likely to be unhappy with her body image, so I wouldn't worry too much about giving her a complex. Portion control, choice about what she is eating, and some treats built in along the way, were the things that worked for us though.

I am very very glad I addressed this for my DS before it became a massive problem, and before he started getting bullied at school. It has done wonders for his health, his self esteem and he has developed a keen interest in sport which wasn't really there before, so IMO all good. Though I still remember some of the things which were posted about me "depriving a growing boy" with a cold chill.

poet123

Nicki wrote: »

Oh dear! I had a thread like this at the end of the summer, and I got completely flamed for it!

BUT, sticking my head over the parapet, I had almost exactly the same situation. My DS was 11 and on the 85th centile. We had been told by the school nurse he was overweight, so he wasnt within normal ranges contrary to what someone has posted further up He wasn't eating unhealthily really just too much. I have a DD with severe autism and a baby, so family based exercise was not really feasible.

What I did, in the face of massive criticism here, was to buy a tailored program for children called Slimkids. It comprises a book written for children about healthy eating and portion control and exercise. We all read it and followed its principles. My DS and I worked out every week his entire menu for the week, incorporating all the principles we had learned. When he went back to school, he knew enough to chose the healthiest option from the school dinner menu. I was surprised at how quickly the problem resolved itself, within 6 weeks he was back to a normal weight for his height (a combination of losing some weight and growing a bit). He chose to incorporate some extra exercise into his life by cycling more and joining some sports clubs at school. We had about 2 weeks of moaning about missing out on treats like ice creams on hot days or sweets, which was when I posted my thread, but after that he adapted, and these things are now seen by him as treats not regular entitlements.

Based on my experience, I would therefore be inclined to involve her completely. At 9 she will know she is bigger than her classmates and is likely to be unhappy with her body image, so I wouldn't worry too much about giving her a complex. Portion control, choice about what she is eating, and some treats built in along the way, were the things that worked for us though.

I am very very glad I addressed this for my DS before it became a massive problem, and before he started getting bullied at school. It has done wonders for his health, his self esteem and he has developed a keen interest in sport which wasn't really there before, so IMO all good. Though I still remember some of the things which were posted about me "depriving a growing boy" with a cold chill.

What a sad indictment of society today. No child should have a poor body image at such a young age, and no parent should encourage or accept that as the norm.

puddy

Nicki wrote: »

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Based on my experience, I would therefore be inclined to involve her completely. At 9 she will know she is bigger than her classmates and is likely to be unhappy with her body image, so I wouldn't worry too much about giving her a complex.

it never fails to amaze me as to how easily we make assumptions about what children feel without even bothering to check. in both the OP and in your circumstances, the sheer effect of giving the child attention may have been enough to reign in emotional reasons for eating. why are we so keen to ignore the effects of family dynamics on why children misuse (if they are) food? ask the child for goodness sake

pinkclouds

My suggestion would be to ensure everything you eat is "cooked from scratch" as she's less likely to crave raw meat and veg. Absolutely no convenience foods, including boxed cereal. It's quite difficult to gorge yourself on dry porridge oats and celery, etc. It'll be a big pain, I'm sure, especially if it's hard to get out of the house (I'm thinking shopping trips here) but you can get groceries delivered from all the big supermarkets, veg boxes from various suppliers and some limited foodstuffs from the milkman. As she'll probably still want to help herself to *something*, perhaps you could leave water bottles and low cal fruit out? Stuff that you can't gain much weight from even if you chug it in huge quantities.

Sounds like you've a tough row to hoe. Hope things change for both of you soon.

JulieGeorgiana

When I was 9 my mum found out that I was at the high end of the weight scale... and she put me on a diet! once she singled me out from my siblings I felt picked on and resorted to anything to get food! I hates eating salads while they are pizza!!!!

because of that I went from puppy fat to real fat to a BMI of 46!!!!

The advice on here is mainly to just monitor her snacking (don;t eliminate it) and make sure you all eat healthy balance meals... but don;t make her diet is EXACTLY the right thing to do. Because that's what I encouraged my mum to do when my sister (who is much younger) started getting chubby! And she turned out to be a wonderful healthy sized adult.

You have to not let it be an issue.

PS. There is always a reason a child eats too much, and it's normally an emotional issue.

Also, if she is eating warm at lunch AND at dinnertime... that is too much! My DS9 get's one or the other, you don;t need two warm meals a day.

Mimi09

It sounds like your daughter would benefit from Young Carers, have you looked into it in your area? They run a weekly / monthly group for children who help care for siblings or parents. They do great activities, trips and give the children a chance to talk.

Does you son have a disability social worker? It sounds like you have a good case for direct payments. I get 4 hours a week to hire someone to come out to the park, swimming, etc with me, my toddler and daughter who is in a wheelchair as it's nigh on impossible by myself.

You can self refer for an assessment - they take the needs of each person in the family into account.

angelil

Your daughter sounds like how I was at that age: exercise-phobic (!) with sedentary hobbies, loves sweets and biscuits...

A few suggestions: you may have considered them already but if not then they may help.
Can she not change to packed lunches? That way you can control what she has. I would say even then put in a little treat (like a fun size pack of Maltesers for instance) as if she never has any she will just get nervy.
Equally, can she not do any indoor hobbies that are more active? I never enjoyed sports as a child but always liked swimming - and other things like drama or Brownies would also get her running around more.

Hope this helps a bit

meritaten

hun, Please, There are NO foods your DD CANNOT eat - you just need to be sensible and let her eat them in moderation! just exercise portion control and allow her to fill up and feel satisfied after a meal in a HEALTHY WAY! otherwise you DO run the risk of her becoming obsessed with diet/food.
It also concerns me that you say she has been 'stealing' food! why do you use this term? she is a member of the family isnt she? you said you thought it was your OH and didnt dream of even asking him about it. so why is it that if DD takes food - its termed 'stealing'?