Child stealing food, now needs to lose weight - anyone else been in this situation?

dirtysexymonkey

adouglasmhor wrote: »

That cooks down to about a cupfull.

a bloody heavy cup with all the water it takes on! i dont even think popeye could manage a kilo!

Lois_Lane

poet123 wrote: »

What a sad indictment of society today. No child should have a poor body image at such a young age, and no parent should encourage or accept that as the norm.

This isn't a recent problem - I was an overweight child in the 60's and had to endure a lot of abuse from other children at school. Nowadays it would be recognised as bullying but then I was just told to ignore them. However, I became extremely self conscious and shy as a result and had no self esteem. In my mind I was enormous, and I really needed someone to help me realize that wasn't the case and that I could do something about it. Instead, when I was at senior school I alternated between binge eating and starving myself - neither of which worked, of course.

LL

Snuggles

blue_monkey wrote: »

Buttons, now she will have a cereal bar after school and then some fruit. She then has a sandwich, crisps (if she has been active, gym, or PE for example) and as many yogurts/fruit as she likes. She will sometimes have rice pudding or a baby bell. If we have pasta she will have that and not a sandwich.

BM, a few people have picked up on this but I don't think you have responded - why don't you give her a proper evening meal instead of cereal bars, sandwiches and crisps? A decent meal with protein, vegetables etc, would be be far more filling and nutritious.

poet123

To be honest I think that given the further info you have posted I would be less concerned about her weight than her behavoural issues. I agree with you that the things you describe are not how she should be behaving. I don't agree that letting her deface toys and other items is acceptable, and I think you are right to want to try to change such behaviour and find the root cause.

Through no fault of yours it may be that she feels she has to behave that way to get attention, and attention is attention be it via good or bad means. I think you are right seek help.

Although I suspect in the end it will be down to you to sort it out as intervention is notoriously sporadic and hard to access. If you can get her to tell you why she behaves this way you can start to think of how you can make changes. It will not be an easy road but you sound as if you have got the point where you are equal to the task. Although, again I do think the food issue might be the one you are focusing on because you feel more equipped to deal with that through your own weight issues. No criticism intended but I really don't think that should be the main focus. Good luck.

blue_monkey_2

Snuggles wrote: »

BM, a few people have picked up on this but I don't think you have responded - why don't you give her a proper evening meal instead of cereal bars, sandwiches and crisps? A decent meal with protein, vegetables etc, would be be far more filling and nutritious.

It has, someone asked why she only has that in the evening, it is because she has an full dinner at school and she does not want a full evening meal. Tonight she has had tuna pasta. She does not have a sandwich every single day, but she wants a sandwich she does not want another hot meal _ I batch cook so it;s not an issue but she does not want it. I've also tried to get her off school dinners and her eat with us but she wants them. And if I did she would be having a sandwich there anyway so would still be on one sandwich a day.

And when I said cereal bar, they are usually oat, honey and raisin bars. They do not have the ones with frosties, rice crispies etc... in. They are sereal bars too but everyone is assuming I feel the kids cereal based ones. We have in the cupboard weetabix, porridge oats (not ready brek), weetabix minis, shreddies and shredded wheat. There are also cheerioes but she does not eat those. Even when we go to the states I take Weetabix and shreddies with us as they like those and you cannot get decent cereal there.

It's annoying that straightaway there is always the assumption that I am and have been feeding her the wrong things - but this issue has come around solely because she went through the biscuit/sweet eating episode. Honestly, we have done fine for the last 9 years but for a few months I took my eye off the ball.

Also we do not have sugar free things such as jellies and juices as my son cannot have them, we have the sugar versions - but everything in moderation is fine and she has these as well (not very often mind, they would rather have yogurts). We do not have 'pop' either. I know what is in the foods because we have to be careful what we give my son so I read labels.

blue_monkey_2

Poet, not sure if you read but the school is referring us to a family worker and she will see us in the next few weeks, I am going to have a list as she will be able to get us help into the services she needs. I went to speak to the school head today and asked if they had someone who could mentor her, so she had someone to speak to if she could not speak to me or needed to let off steam, but they have suggested this lady who will speak to all of us and if we need the extra help, get it for us. I am also going to speak to her about direct payments someone else mentioned as she is apparently, in contact with SS too.

Just before Xmas I went for coffee morning at the school and was talking to her teacher and she said something, she realised she should not have, and it was clear that my neighbour had been telling them about my DD screaming and crying tantrums. She stopped mid-conversation as she realised that she had dropped this woman in it and she had been talking about us but it had already been said - and since then people are realising there might be an issue. I have been telling the same teachers for yeas and no-one has been interested because she is an absolute perfect angel at school. Thank god for gossiping neighbours then!!

scottishchick27

peachyprice wrote: »

Buy why does this annoy you so much?

The walls, yes I can understand, furniture in her bedroom, although annoying, it's in her bedroom, my DD has a desk that she scribbled on in permament marker, she wishes she hadn't but has to live with that, it's her desk that is ruined.

As for the toys, they're her toys, why does it annoy you that she puts her make-up on them or draws on them? Surely she can do what she wants to them? Do you not think perhaps by taking away her things because she's done what she wanted to them you are buliding up unnecessary resentment towards you?

Wow, I so disagree with all of this. If my daughter ruined her furniture and her toys then she would be punished and I would remove them. They may be her things but I worked to pay for them and if she didn't respect that fact then they would be removed. Thankfully I've only had a couple of incidents with her writing her name on a windowsill with a compass and painting lipstick on my new wallpaper but she has learned not to do that again. The OPs daughter hasn't learnt her lesson and deserved to have them removed.

mumps

claire16c wrote: »

and of course was picking the chocolate bars over anything else - as a child would.

My children wouldn't have automatically chosen chocolate, but then I never told them chocolate was a treat. After school I might say you have x to spend, sweet shop or greengrocers? Nine times out of ten they would choose the greengrocers and have a small bag of grapes or cherries each, shame now cherries seem to be so expensive but this was a few years ago. If they chose chocolate that was fine, no big deal.

mumps

blue_monkey I can't remember if you said how old your son was but with reference to some help with him. I used to help run a Beavers/cubs group. Over the years we had several boys with ASD and ADHD, if you approach Scouts you might find there is a local, or fairly local group, that would take him. I know it made a big difference to mothers and siblings of the boys we had and most of the boys did really well. We always looked at it as being a good learning experience for the other boys too, things like supporting them in groups and buddying up so lots of positives and lots and lots of hard work. I hope it might help you and your daughter, I am sure you would both love some one to one mom and daughter time (I know how much I enjoyed it with my DD.)

dirtysexymonkey

blue_monkey wrote: »

It has, someone asked why she only has that in the evening, it is because she has an full dinner at school and she does not want a full evening meal. Tonight she has had tuna pasta. She does not have a sandwich every single day, but she wants a sandwich she does not want another hot meal _ I batch cook so it;s not an issue but she does not want it. I've also tried to get her off school dinners and her eat with us but she wants them. And if I did she would be having a sandwich there anyway so would still be on one sandwich a day.

And when I said cereal bar, they are usually oat, honey and raisin bars. They do not have the ones with frosties, rice crispies etc... in. They are sereal bars too but everyone is assuming I feel the kids cereal based ones. We have in the cupboard weetabix, porridge oats (not ready brek), weetabix minis, shreddies and shredded wheat. There are also cheerioes but she does not eat those. Even when we go to the states I take Weetabix and shreddies with us as they like those and you cannot get decent cereal there.

It's annoying that straightaway there is always the assumption that I am and have been feeding her the wrong things - but this issue has come around solely because she went through the biscuit/sweet eating episode. Honestly, we have done fine for the last 9 years but for a few months I took my eye off the ball.

Also we do not have sugar free things such as jellies and juices as my son cannot have them, we have the sugar versions - but everything in moderation is fine and she has these as well (not very often mind, they would rather have yogurts). We do not have 'pop' either. I know what is in the foods because we have to be careful what we give my son so I read labels.

can i get you to read some of your comments again. in particular the comments about your son.

it seems to me as if your son gets an awful lot of attention and understanding and your daughter has to really fight to just be considered. its almost as if you take the easiest way out with her, but with your son youll do anything.

if you think thats not at least part of her problem then i dont think there is anyone in the land who could help you.