Really need some help [Merged]

StumpyPumpy

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I'm sorry. As soon as you mentioned knocking back a bottle of JD and then going driving, then driving back to court and home again whilst still under the influence, I just stopped caring anymore.

catch_me_if_you_can wrote: »

Sadly, me too.

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I never started caring.

We all do things that are inadvisable when under huge amounts of stress as heledw most obviously is. I'm sure no one condones her driving but you should try and look at the bigger picture.
I don't stop caring about someone because of one stress induced mistake. If you do, then that is your choice but in these circumstances I think the best thing for you to have done would have been not to post in the first place, your posts are hurtful and unnecessary.

SP

DVardysShadow

StumpyPumpy wrote: »

We all do things that are inadvisable when under huge amounts of stress as heledw most obviously is. I'm sure no one condones her driving but you should try and look at the bigger picture.
I don't stop caring about someone because of one stress induced mistake. If you do, then that is your choice but in these circumstances I think the best thing for you to have done would have been not to post in the first place, your posts are hurtful and unnecessary.

SP

It is as a result of looking at the bigger picture that I posted as I did.

As I said, there is a lot of bad karma in the relationship. There are also actions which it is hard to condone. In the long run, I don't believe it is actually in the OP's best interests to have 2 threads of unmitigated sympathy which ignore her behaviour and contribution to the situation.

In particular if the posting of the facebook pictures occurred before the assault, you have to take into account that for her [ex?] partner this is at least a mitigating factor [albeit probably not a defence], which could turn a conviction to a conditional or absolute discharge. But the very nature of the act makes it very difficult for the partner to raise this as part of a defence in a court reported in the local press.

I may have missed something, but the assault seems to have involved pouring a bottle of wine over OP's head. OP is not beyond criticism here and it does her no favours to pretend otherwise.

pearl123

It's quite simple Heledw do you want a man who abused you and slept with two women behind your back? Judging by his behaviour - I suspect you partner just loves himself. If he has slept with two women who's to say there was not more. Well done by the way in posting pics of hims on his facebook page.
Heledw - The quicker you move on emotionaly the better. We all do feel vunerable and alone at times. That's when we should pick ourself up and self preservation should kick in. Don't make yourself ill by dwelling on stuff. It achieves nothing. See the doctor please if you not coping tomorrow.
Big hugs --- it will get better. And do considering using some of the links people have put up.

poppy10_2

DVardysShadow wrote: »

In particular if the posting of the facebook pictures occurred before the assault, you have to take into account that for her [ex?] partner this is at least a mitigating factor [albeit probably not a defence], which could turn a conviction to a conditional or absolute discharge.

Oh for goodness sake DVS, I've never seen such nonsense written by you. Since when does posting an embarassing photo become mitigation for domestic violence?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

StumpyPumpy wrote: »

We all do things that are inadvisable when under huge amounts of stress as heledw most obviously is. I'm sure no one condones her driving but you should try and look at the bigger picture.
I don't stop caring about someone because of one stress induced mistake. If you do, then that is your choice but in these circumstances I think the best thing for you to have done would have been not to post in the first place, your posts are hurtful and unnecessary.

SP

So if she posts next time to say how awful her life is and please help because she drove over three 5 year olds on a zebra crossing because she was so !!!!!! from drinking and driving 3 times, you'll be saying 'Aww, diddums, it's not your fault, you was upset, poor baby'?


If I knew her registration number, I'd be reporting her right now and stuff whether she gets upset about it. Nobody's past makes such behaviour acceptable or understandable.

BitterAndTwisted

Listen, she's already admitted to having contemplated suicide and you're obsessing and arguing amongst yourselves about someone who you think has been in the car after having a drink? If you read her post carefully, she doesn't even admit she drove the car after drinking. What is the matter with you people? I think the yanks call it sh!tting in the swimming-pool. I dunno but it most certainly is !!!!!!

DVardysShadow

poppy10 wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake DVS, I've never seen such nonsense written by you. Since when does posting an embarassing photo become mitigation for domestic violence?

As much as I can see, it amounts to pouring some wine over her. But put the 'Domestic Violence' label on anything and some people become blind to the rest of the situation. As it is, provocation is mitigation [not defence] for assault and rightly so. I'm not giving any opinion about the degree to which it would be mitigation in this case, beyond saying that for me it goes a long way against the pouring of wine.

I find the idea that posting the photo could not be considered a provocation a nonsense in itself.

OP needs putting straight on a few things, not a load of uncritical support. I will be honest, I don't warm to her one little bit, so I am struggling formulate a response which provides a counterbalance to the uncritical sympathy without going over the top. This woman really could do with some of you who do warm to her challenging some of the inappropriate aspects of her own part in all of this.

[Deleted User]

There's not a lot I can say that hasn't already been said better by others on this forum. U are not alone.., you can probably tell that others on this forum (including myself) have experienced similiar things. Please please contact Women's Aid and get some support. You don't have to go through this on your own. You can be helped to decide what you want to have happen. Please try.

DVardysShadow

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If you read her post carefully, she doesn't even admit she drove the car after drinking.

B&T, I think you are being uncritical here. This is what I read

heledw wrote: »

Hoping I hit my lowest point yesterday as I couldnt handle talking , so I got in my car and tried to block out the hurt with a bottle of JD and drove to a cliff top near me

Now to me, a serious attempt to block out the hurt involves opening the top of the bottle, letting some of the contents flow out of the bottle, into the mouth and down the throat. Being broadminded, I am open to other suggestions as to how you might use a bottle of JD to block out the hurt, but frankly, I would say that the plain sense of the description is the main sense.

There is so much that is dysfunctional about this situation, that if OP is not challenged about her dysfunctionality, people will actually reinforce it by default. Now, this is the 2nd evening of this. I left it alone on the housing forum feeling that I had nothing to add to the situation. And I still feel that I have nothing to say directly to OP. But there is an invisible elephant in the room, because no one is challenging the dysfunctionality.

And FWIW, I'm considering whether the OP is a WUM. But I am OK with taking this forward as a serious thread.

MissMitch

Seriously, someone in an obviously desparate state asks for help, can't you just ignore the thread if you have no sympathy with op rather than chastise her because she hasn't behaved in a way YOU approve of?