Really need some help [Merged]

heledw · 2 January 2012 at 4:07PM

I found out on Christmas Eve that my husband was sleeping with two women, one he works with and one he met on facebook.
He assaulted me and is in court tomorrow, but I really need advice re mortgage and where I stand....
We bought our first house jointly in October this year, why he did I will never know, but I may be able to afford the mortgage payments, but I doubt whether they will remortgage me solely when fixed rate ends in 2 years.
Because I am taking him to court, he has stated that he will not pay his share of mortgage and hasnt paid this months, which comes out tomorrow from my account.I don't know whether he will allow me to put house on market....or what I can do....
Rightly or wrongly I hacked his face book account and put a picture of him wearing my red underwear on his wall and also told each of the women, that he was sleeping with me and with them, but admit I did this whilst angry

I just really need some advice as to what steps i take next, Im 46 I dont earn a fantastic wage and feel so alone, I attempted to take an overdose, so basically have hit rock bottom, but hope now to find the courage to try to prove Im not the worthless person he kept teling me I was
Please please help

go_cat · 2 January 2012 at 4:19PM

Sorry for what you are going through but you were right to prosecute - he is jointly liable for the mortgage and any losses / negative equity presuming its a joint mortgage

If you are feeling sucidal try ringing the Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/

You may find you need to sell the house and buy a smaller one your wages will allow enough mortgage

heledw · 2 January 2012 at 4:20PM

Really need some help
I found out on Christmas Eve that my husband was sleeping with two women, one he works with and one he met on facebook.
He assaulted me and is in court tomorrow, but I really need advice re mortgage and where I stand....
We bought our first house jointly in October this year, why he did I will never know, but I may be able to afford the mortgage payments, but I doubt whether they will remortgage me solely when fixed rate ends in 2 years.
Because I am taking him to court, he has stated that he will not pay his share of mortgage and hasnt paid this months, which comes out tomorrow from my account.I don't know whether he will allow me to put house on market....or what I can do....
Rightly or wrongly I hacked his face book account and put a picture of him wearing my red underwear on his wall and also told each of the women, that he was sleeping with me and with them, but admit I did this whilst angry

I just really need some advice as to what steps i take next, Im 46 I dont earn a fantastic wage and feel so alone, I attempted to take an overdose, so basically have hit rock bottom, but hope now to find the courage to try to prove Im not the worthless person he kept teling me I was
Please please help

Thrugelmir · 2 January 2012 at 4:31PM

Sell the property as soon as possible. As its the only way that you'll break your association with him.

When emotions take over we all do things we normally wouldn't. Dust yourself down and look forward not backwards.

kingstreet · 2 January 2012 at 4:34PM

I'm not so sure the mortgage forum of an internet moneysaving site is the first place for help, but I'll do my best...

You can approach your mortgage lender with the aim of taking on the mortgage in your sole name. They will vet you to ensure you have the income and affordability to do this and you'll have to pay an admin fee and the legal costs for what's known as a transfer of equity. These will total around £600 in most cases.

Your former partner will have to agree to the transfer and sign the documentation to acknowledge this. Only then is he removed from legal responsibility for the mortgage and non-payment hitting his credit profile like a missile...

If you cannot afford to take on the mortgage alone, you will have to take legal action to force your former partner to agree to a sale of the property if he will not agree to some kind of settlement.

Did you make any kind of agreement when you bought the property to deal with an issue like a split-up?

lincroft1710 · 2 January 2012 at 4:44PM

Has he moved out of the home either temporarily or permanently?

Not knowing your financial position and what exactly you want to do, it is difficult to advise. You will ultimately need the services of a solicitor so it may be a good idea to consult one sooner rather than later.

Yorkie1 · 2 January 2012 at 4:45PM

I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Go cat is right, your OH is as liable for the mortgage as you are and it will not be in either of your interests for there to be arrears.

However, the most important thing immediately is your health. Tomorrow and the rest of the court case are likely to feel a really big hurdle but there are supports there for you - the police domestic violence unit generally, witness support at court, the samaritans, your doctor. Please use as many of these as you need to, whenever you need to. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not of weakness. I can understand if it all feels helpless and hopeless at present, but with time you will get more detached from this and feel able to handle what it is you need to do.

I am not certain but I believe you may be eligible for legal aid in obtaining advice in going forward, once you feel able to handle such discussions.

If it gets to the point where you really are struggling to pay the mortgage, I suggest you let the lender know rather than try to hide it. If they know, they have the chance to make allowances whereas if you don't tell them then they can't.

Good luck in the coming days and weeks.

kingstreet · 2 January 2012 at 4:48PM

Crossed on M&E board.

As fewer posts on there, please continue here!

G_M · 2 January 2012 at 4:48PM

On the property issue:
* you are each jointly responsible for the mortgage payments. Any default will affect both your credit records
* you may be able to switch (temporarily) to an interest only mortgage, which would be cheaper. It is better to discuss options with the mortgage lender before you default, rather than hide from the issue and then have them chase you.
* you will only be able to sell if you both agree, OR if you obtain a court order
* any divorce agreement will include the property, so if you can afford the mortgage in the meantime it may be best to wait till you get your divorce sorted

kingstreet · 2 January 2012 at 4:49PM

Use thread on HBR&S;-

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3705073

kingstreet · 2 January 2012 at 4:51PM

My post from M&E thread;-

I'm not so sure the mortgage forum of an internet moneysaving site is the first place for help, but I'll do my best...

You can approach your mortgage lender with the aim of taking on the mortgage in your sole name. They will vet you to ensure you have the income and affordability to do this and you'll have to pay an admin fee and the legal costs for what's known as a transfer of equity. These will total around £600 in most cases.

Your former partner will have to agree to the transfer and sign the documentation to acknowledge this. Only then is he removed from legal responsibility for the mortgage and non-payment hitting his credit profile like a missile...

If you cannot afford to take on the mortgage alone, you will have to take legal action to force your former partner to agree to a sale of the property if he will not agree to some kind of settlement.

Did you make any kind of agreement when you bought the property to deal with an issue like a split-up?

Really need some help [Merged]

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