Really need some help [Merged]

BitterAndTwisted

The grief and hurt is perfectly justified. The gratitude not so much. Yet. Not until things really are sorted. Just get as busy as you feel you can cope with right now. One thing at a time.

pinknfluffy

Please, please as someone has suggested contact Women's Aid......they are fabulous, without them I would be dead, they will attend appointments with you and hold your hand for as long as it takes to get back on your feet again.

DVardysShadow

heledw wrote: »

... Rightly or wrongly I hacked his face book account and put a picture of him wearing my red underwear on his wall and also told each of the women, that he was sleeping with me and with them, but admit I did this whilst angry

I never started caring.

Admittedly. the place of the above in the sequence of events is not clear. If it was before the assault, I am not surprised by the turn of events [although I suppose I should condemn the assault in the usual way]. If it happened after, well who knows what is going on.

But deeper than this, I can only believe that there is some seriously bad bad karma in the relationship form before all this stuff

Hovel_lady

heledw wrote: »

Just about to look up Shelter and Citizens Advice, will try to do that next, struggling for a minute as can't believe that people care, tears of I dont know what...
grief, gratitude, hurt perhaps a mixture of all

People really do care. Do listen and let them help you. There is a huge amount of knowledge on here so anything you need to know just ask. Someone will know the answer.

I have had invaluable support from people on here when I was really struggling and I wouldn't have got through it without them.
A lot of your story is similar to mine so I have some small idea of how hard it is for you right now.
You may not believe it (I never did when people told me) but you will get through this. You are strong enough to.
Just take one step at a time.

Here if I can help - PM me if you want to.

You probably have found these by now but if not:

http://www.shelter.org.uk/

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Thinking of you very much at this time x

Padstow

Holidays are great, but the law students are at a loose end. They have to take something back with them. Hey posters, bet you're glad you are here and not with them eh!

pearl123

heledw wrote: »

Pearl, I dont actually drink, my mum was an alcoholic and I have chosen not to drink, I have an occasional glass of champagne for Christmas and birthdays.
The reason for the JD on the last two occasions was that hopefully it would numb the pain and any second thoughts I may have had....

Really pleased to hear that you don't over do it with booze. I use to overdo it. It never did me any favours! It just added to my woes at the time.

Heledw... you will get threw this. Remember to look after yourself. Try and do the things you enjoy - put a favourite film, a favourite tv serious, music - anything that will lift you up a bit. Even if you don't feel like it - it is better than dwelling on things.
Well done for today once again. :T

Padstow

When do the Uni studying law go back then? I am so tired of them picking our brains. Not only here, but on other forums too.

heledw

Im so alone......
perhaps I should walk away from here and go to a refuge as I think being on my own is not helping
im struggling to type now as his call has just opened the floodgates, he hates me, will ruin me and just wants money and he will walk away and leave me alone
I just feel so vulnerable right now
im going off for, Im not going anywhere, just going to try and distract thoughts

sonastin

Haven't got much more to add than the advice you've already been given but just wanted to add my voice to the support - you really can get through this.

Another way to look at this is that you aren't harming him by pressing charges, you're helping him. After all, he clearly doesn't know right from wrong and you're taking steps to try and make him learn. The next woman he does this too might just have a murderous big brother ready to really ruin his life. He should really be counting his lucky stars that the worst you can give him is a humiliating photo on facebook (:T on that one BTW) and a criminal record. If he is too stupid to learn his lesson from this, it doesn't make you wrong for trying.

The other thing you need to bear in mind is that you won't lose your house over night. Talk to the mortgage lender as quickly as you can - they will work with you to find a way to get round this because they don't want to repossess your house any more than you want them to. But you can also think about stopping the direct debit if it really is a choice between mortgage payment and food - you can pay as much towards your mortgage as you can afford once you've got a crust of bread in your stomach but you can't eat your bricks and mortar. Keep the arrears down as low as possible but make sure you're not starving.

BitterAndTwisted

Why are you accepting calls from the a-hole? The a-hole who assaulted you? The a-hole who has been physically abusing you and is now mentally abusing you?

Of course he wants money: he's been doing the Wonga loans tango. He's financially f***ed! Don't let him terrorise you and most certainly don't let him take you down the debt-route with him.

You're better than that and you're stronger than you know. Contact Womens Aid if you think that's a solution.