Really need some help [Merged]

Lotus-eater

heledw wrote: »

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I really never asked to be destroyed on here- but it proves once again, that my husband was right- Im not a good person

Well there's no need to be melodramatic.

heledw wrote: »

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I have never had self esteem and confidence and after reading peoples comments on here about me, its that much lower again

Sorry that some people talked about you in the way that you did, without knowing all the facts and knowing you were at such a low point.
That's what you get on open forums.
Take it a day at a time and ring the Samaritans if you need to, that's what they are there for.

Treed

I hope things get better for you in the future.

pearl123

I
Heledw.... you come accross overall as an inteligent woman, but the way you have expressed yourself at times has leed many of us to believe you were plastered on one occassion. Your did say in a previous post that you drove with JD and you must have 'passed out'. By using the words 'passed out' it did appear that it was booze that knocked you out! You say you don't drink, yet your messages have do have a few references to booze. And to be honest no mattter how upset/distraught one is - one does not end up writting complete gibberist, unless under the influence of something, which you did at the end of one message! Is is really any wonder why a 'few people' might have lost some patience, especially where booze could possibly be concerned. Surely you can see why?

At the end of the day people can only respond to what you say!
Heledw... you are an mature woman in you 40's. And you should know by now that things in life do have a knack of working out in the end. At the end of the day you need to help YOURSELF - by picking YOURSELF up - and moving on from this bad experience. The quicker you do this - the quicker everything will return to normality. If you want to cope with the financial aspects of the split the the sooner you get your head together the better. Heledw.. it is in your interest to pull yourself together!
You have had alot of support on here and many people will continue to support you. Heledw.. you now need to pick yourself up, as we can't do it for you!

geminilady

Hi,I have been reading your thread,please do not let the people on the forum get to you,they do not dislike you they do not know you,to them you are just a poster on a forum not a real person.I can feel your pain,been there and know what finding out your partner has cheated does to you,you are not in your right mind it sort of sends you mad.I can empathise with you posting the pictures on face book you just needed him to feel some of the pain you are feeling.I threw all his clothes in the canal,never regretted it.Anyway what you need to do is talk it all out of your system.Have you a friend or relative you can stay with?if not i know people have mentioned the samaritans and they will listen.Plese do not do anything to yourself the pain you are feeling WILL pass

suki1001

ok, I've read this thread and been keeping up with the goings on. I really feel for you Heledw.

However, I'm going to offer you a few pearls of wisdom. I'm a true believer that the bad times make us the person who we are, they are the real life learners - I definately think they can make you a better, stronger person.

This man has a huge problem, it's not your problem (not for much longer anyway), it's his. Imagine going through life, hurting people, never feeling comfortable in a relationship, taking your aggression out on other people, making them feel small, hurting other people in life because they just can't learn to be happy with life. He has a huge problem and I really, sincerely pity people like this.

Rubbish as you feel now, this man has done you a huge, huge favour. Now, men (and some women) like this don't ever intend on doing you a favour, they never work out they need help, so instead they might sleep around, they might get really critical or aggressive towards you, make out everything's your fault, that sort of thing, or even as yours did, make threats of suicide and even to sort of attempt to carry them out. So, it inevitably comes to a breaking point and this is obviously where you're at.

This is the point where you learn to change your view of yourself. This is where you no longer learn to stay a victim. This is where you learn other people's problems aren't your fault. That when somebody does something to you, whether it was when you were young or more recently, that was their problem not yours, they just projected it onto you, they didn't actually have any right to do that and how dare they. Although these things that you've experienced are terribly hurtful, when you realise they're not caused by you, you were just there, then you may learn to see that you are worth a whole lot more than you're giving yourself credit for.

So here's the good bit:


You will come out of this (with the right help) feeling like a better person.

You will have a lot more self worth than you've ever had.

You will change your life around and maybe do things you never thought possible.

Best of all, you're not past it (you definately shouldn't think you are), you're only young and you have the chance to start again and enjoy life. It will take a while, but you can take steps to change it into the positive. This is a chance to take control of your life.

You can find happiness again (yes you do deserve it), I promise you although things a really raw, there is light at the end of the tunnel it will get better.

Think of this as the process to feeling happier about yourself, sometimes we have to go through our lowest points for our lives to be happier.

Sorry (everyone) for the long post.

Good luck Heledw.

[Deleted User]

Wonderful post Suki.., and very very true.

Rahven

deannatrois wrote: »

Wonderful post Suki.., and very very true.

This

Heledw, get on the phone to Shelter and Women's Aid, you can do this :T
Best of luck

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

heledw wrote: »

Hoping I hit my lowest point yesterday as I couldnt handle talking , so I got in my car and tried to block out the hurt with a bottle of JD and drove to a cliff top near me
I must have passed out as I came too shivering this morning about 4am in my car.Went to court,

If you drank that alcohol whilst in a motor vehicle, you were drunk in charge of a vehicle. IF you drank 'only' about 1/3 of a bottle in charge of your vehicle, you consumed 5 units of alcohol whilst in charge of a vehicle and too tired to be driving in the first place.

That would have still been in your system when you drove back.

You drank and then drove. Whatever way you might like to rewrite since being pulled up on it, first you said you had the drink then drove, now you are claiming you drove then drank (and then drove again), you broke the law.

When bad things have happened to me and I have reacted badly, I have done things such as get drunk, stagger home ON FOOT and wake up in the hallway with broken ribs where I tripped over the dog, phoned up an ex and had instantly regrettable sex with them, or sent text messages where I tell someone exactly what I think of them - I NEVER thought 'oh well, let's go for a drive and drink bourbon and then expect everyone to understand the turmoil I'm in when I tell them all about it and then get all why is everybody picking on ickle meeeeeeeeeeee if they tell me I've done something very, very wrong'.

Do you really think that if you kill somebody's children on the way to school because you're driving under the influence of alcohol, or that you hadn't slept in days and fell asleep at the wheel (people have been jailed for precisely that), you're going to be able to say 'I was abused and my ex said I was crap in bed' and they'll say 'oh, poor you, well that makes it OK then, never mind the children or their mother'? Really?


Listen to yourself. Does anything you say remind you a little bit of your mother's voice? If it does, that's because you are making the same sort of lame excuses alcoholics do. Oh, he made he drink, I'm a bad person, it's all at Rock Bottom, etc.


The ex is an arze. OK. You got your own back. Whatever. The law is an a$s. He's getting prosecuted for the criminal offence he was reported of committing. More than most do. More than you are.



Get on with the practical and quit it with the endangering innocent lives and expecting sympathy for it. The practical is seeing your GP for your depression/post traumatic stress/issues from the past and seeing the CAB/Shelter for your housing issues.

DVardysShadow

In the cold light of day, I am seeing a fairly common housing issue resulting from a split [OK with the Domestic Abuse angle], receiving slightly too much sympathy. And a day later it is a full blown suicide crisis. OP, you are manipulating us. Same as you are manipulating the women who slept with your husband by putting the photos up. Is this a developing pattern in your life? It is time to stop turning things into a road accident to see who will stop by. You are taking things to places where everything is less and less predictable and more and more outside of your control.

heledw

I phoned Shelter today and have an appointment for Wednesday 11th at 12pm.
Believe it or not, my writings may have been gibberish on that first night as I had not slept for days, I still don't sleep properly, but today I hope to try to start to take control back
i seen my husband whilst out at supermarket today and he made sure I overheard him saying to a "friend" --"her and I are over", "I hate her as she gave me a criminal record" and "I wanted to spend Xmas with her, I even bought her a bottle of champagne", but she had me arrested for nothing", he even gave the person I was with the Christmas card he had bought unwritten thou, not sure why, probably to hurt me more as it did, I left crying again
But I think being told I hate you to your face indirectly makes you think, that perhaps its time you either continue being a victim or you put a face on and be strong on the outside to show you don't care, but inside you hurt etc
So an old lady that lives by me, seen me crying and asked was I ok, and I crumbled, but she has spent 4 hours with me and for once in the past nearly 2 weeks, I actually feel not too bad
Im not saying I wont cry anymore, but at the moment, I need to ensure OH does not financially ruin me, so advice needed please
Can anyone make him pay his share of mortgage, aware going to rent private place soon so will say unable to afford....
If he agrees to sell house , but in the meantime whilst waiting for it to sell I struggle financially, what can I do?? without seriously damaging my credit history???
Can he sign house over to me, so that he can walk away from his responsibilities???