Really need some help [Merged]

pearl123

I think CAB is your best bet. I also think they have a walk in service, but you have to wait over an hour sometimes to be seen. At least with the CAB it a free service. Also seeing Shelter is a good idea, which you are going to do.

Also try the search facility on martin lewis to see what has been said about marriage break-ups and mortgages. The same search might be good under google. At least then you'll get an idea of what possible before your appointments.

heledw

Just looked at attachment, not sure I understood all, but can take copy with me to shelter on Wednesday

PurpleJellyFish

Hi heledw,

I've just noticed this thread and couldn't read and run.

The advice you've been given so far is fantastic but I just thought I'd add a few points.

Make sure you're in receipt of all benefits you're entitled to (google turn2us and the links should point you towards a calculator). Don't forget that you may now be entitled to the single person discount for council tax.

Legal Aid can be granted in cases of domestic violence, even when you earn over the threshold. Please look up some family solicitors in your area and see if they will apply for the exemption for you and which areas they will be able to help you with. If you contact Women's Aid then they may be able to point you in the direction of a solicitor who actually sits on their committee so will be very understanding of all the issues involved.

Finally, just to reiterate other posters, stay strong. You have made a massive step in going through with the prosecution and, although it won't be easy, you are making positive steps to regaining your life. Take care and remember that there's always someone on the forums or who you can PM if you need to chat.

PJF xx

BitterAndTwisted

Blimey, you appear to be making enormous progress. You sound like you're really taking control. This is a very, very good thing. Both on a practical level and for your confidence.

When yo have a moment you could consider having a stroll over to the Debt-Free Wannabe part of the forum. Post up your SOA, a template should be available on the front page. Do the SOA and start a new thread about your current situation. You should gt lots of experienced people on there to advise where and how you can either cut costs or get better deals on what you must spend.

I would advise you in the strongest terms possible to not consider renting your house out and living elsewhere. It can be a risky strategy and I really would not recommend it for you right now

heledw

"Blimey, you appear to be making enormous progress. You sound like you're really taking control. This is a very, very good thing. Both on a practical level and for your confidence."

I am really trying hard, I'm tearful all the time, the major thing I have had to do is ignore him, cos his remarks, emails etc were cutting in deep, reinforcing that I must have done something to make him cheat on me....

"Post up your SOA, a template should be available on the front page." What is an SOA??


"I would advise you in the strongest terms possible to not consider renting your house out and living elsewhere."

Cant rent as he would not agree, just hope Shelter can offer some really good advice, have contacted CAB and awaiting callback, what should I be doing now, have requested copy of mortgage agreement as he has other one.
ringing womens aid today for advice/support in what I can do next!!

This may seem selfish to ask, but when does it stop hurting, every day I think of him, what he has done to me, or the good times, or why he bought a house with me three months ago as he must have been cheating then, was thinking last night and I think there may have been signs, but perhaps I was too blinkered with love/ our first home to see them for what they were...

If they allow me to pay interest only, how long will this be allowed for, cos there are lots of houses up for sale by me and this was empty for months prior to being sold...

Just want out of house now, I'm just devastated that buying the house was a dream come true for me, but its turned out to be a millstone and it really is horrible returning here every day as only been in house nearly 3 months and it now holds so many bad memories

Hump

Moving to an interest only product probably won't save you much because at this stage of your mortgage almost all your payment will be interest with only a teeny weeny bit of capital. Frankly I'd consider not paying until you've sorted out your finances through a money advice session arranged by Shelter/ CAB (I appreciate this probably goes against everything you believe in and other posters may have a thing or two to say). A month or three of non-payment probably won't trigger too much concern from the lender - apart from one or two letters and a possible phone call or five (better that than rushing into something that puts you under more pressure later when you have to go back and revise the figures/offers).

I'd put money on the advice you get (from Shelter) being to sell, and if necessary asking your lender to consider a 'short sale' or some form of 'assisted voluntary sale' - assuming the lender gets 'most' (but hopefully all) their money back you have a chance of walking away debt free - it won't replace the deposit you put down, but in a flat market it would stop you racking up £000's in arrears and charges and might help you get your life back on track quicker.

BitterAndTwisted

heledw wrote: »

I am really trying hard, I'm tearful all the time, the major thing I have had to do is ignore him, cos his remarks, emails etc were cutting in deep, reinforcing that I must have done something to make him cheat on me....

This is precisely what you should be doing in my opinion. Top marks!

What is an SOA??

It's short for a Statement of Affairs where you list every single expense, outgoing and liability against your income. You may not necessarily need to do anything other than recognise what the complete pictures is. It also acts a prompt to include things that you may have overlooked so it makes everything more accurate and inderstandable.



Cant rent as he would not agree, just hope Shelter can offer some really good advice, have contacted CAB and awaiting callback, what should I be doing now, have requested copy of mortgage agreement as he has other one.
ringing womens aid today for advice/support in what I can do next!!

It seems that you might be doing everything humanly possible at the moment. Covering all possible bases. And it keeps you out of trouble. Either spending money or fretting about things you can't change right now.

This may seem selfish to ask, but when does it stop hurting, every day I think of him, what he has done to me, or the good times, or why he bought a house with me three months ago as he must have been cheating then, was thinking last night and I think there may have been signs, but perhaps I was too blinkered with love/ our first home to see them for what they were...

NO! Please try to not have such terribly negative thoughts. Easier said than done, I know. Believe me, there is absolutely nothing positive to be gained by attempting to understand why someone who would behave in the way your husband has. I cannot think of anything wrong with being in love and trusting someone. That someone has betrayed you but that is not necessarily your fault!

Believe me: what you are going through now is the natural part of the grieving process. Grieving for the loss of a loved one is a similar feeling and process as grieving for the loss of the love you once thought you had and could rely on and grief for the loss of the life you once had. Shock. Disbelief. Anger. Resignation. Acceptance, . It often goes like that, but not always in that order or one at a time. You could find yourself yoyoing back and forth. It's all a very natural process so please do not be frightened by this or the strength of your feelings.

Every day that goes past is another day that you could be closer to accepting what has happened and starting your recovery. I know this is true. One day you will wake up in the morning and realise that he and your situation is not the first thing you were thinking of. And then you will know that the healing has begun.

If they allow me to pay interest only, how long will this be allowed for, cos there are lots of houses up for sale by me and this was empty for months prior to being sold...

Ask them Ask them. Ask them. It's the uncertainty and the imponderables which mean we don't know in which direction we need to go.

Just want out of house now, I'm just devastated that buying the house was a dream come true for me, but its turned out to be a millstone and it really is horrible returning here every day as only been in house nearly 3 months and it now holds so many bad memories

I appreciate just how bloody awful it must be to open the door on your little house every day but this may not be true in three or six month's time. Everything could feel very different by then.

Yorkie1

Hopefully Women's Aid were able to help; B&T has done a fab post there and we all are willing you to keep strong. It may take a long time but one day you will come to believe that you were not in any way to blame for what has happened.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually you'll look up and look back, and see how far you've come.

heledw

I cannot thank you all enough...
Today not been a good day, thinking loads unable to distract myself, im just so lonely, need to make friends, but don't know where to start...

I sat looking at my home today and realised that this was my dream and that I will be sad to see it go, but it has too, has whenever I look at the banister I picture cutting him down, it has too many memories and not good ones
So I hope that I can sell house and not ruin my credit rating and hopefully by something on my own, even a flat

I worked so hard for the deposit, plus I then did double shifts for 4 months to furnish it and do it out

BitterAndTwisted

Have you been in contact with your mortgage-lender yet to speak to them about going interest-only and check about early redemption charges if you choose to sell?

This is the dark before the dawn.










I'll say it again in case you don't remember it from when I said it the first time: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ANY LIFE-CHANGING DECISIONS WHEN YOU"RE STILL IN A STATE! YOU COULD BE MAKING BAD ONE THAT YOU CAN"T RECOVER OR TURN BACK FROM


What about doing a few more double-shifts to make up the mortgage-payments and to keep your mind off things?