Really need some help [Merged]

heledw

'If you drank that alcohol whilst in a motor vehicle, you were drunk in charge of a vehicle. IF you drank 'only' about 1/3 of a bottle in charge of your vehicle, you consumed 5 units of alcohol whilst in charge of a vehicle and too tired to be driving in the first place."
if you would like to know I never hurt anyone, never would, seen enough done- I can assure you, I was not over the limit, would not have driven if I was - yes Im hurting, yes I hit rock bottom, but I didn't take tablets and really didn't like the taste, hence blacked out through lack of sleep/exhaustion- live with an alcoholic its not nice, I came on here for advice, not to be attacked
I rang shelter today and hope i'm beginning to move forward, but i know its a long hard slog, but when people slur your name or insult you, I can assure you its sends you reeling back

"In the cold light of day, I am seeing a fairly common housing issue resulting from a split [OK with the Domestic Abuse angle], receiving slightly too much sympathy. And a day later it is a full blown suicide crisis. OP, you are manipulating us. Same as you are manipulating the women who slept with your husband by putting the photos up. Is this a developing pattern in your life? It is time to stop turning things into a road accident to see who will stop by. You are taking things to places where everything is less and less predictable and more and more outside of your control."
It may be common to you, but 3 months ago I purchased my 1st home with a person I deeply loved, not knowing then that he was sleeping with one woman, I found out Xmas Eve that he was in fact sleeping with two- I never expected sympathy, I hoped for advice on what I do next, as I knew I could not afford mortgage on my own, plus was raw from split and knowing he had disclosed my abuse to them as that should have been private, I wanted help in which direction to turn as my thoughts were all over the place, yes I hit self destruct but to stop the pain I was feeling as i was alone and feeling so vulnerable....
Manipulation, you have to think about that, i posted a photo of my husband wearing underwear on facebook as I wanted him to hurt like i was, photos of girl and him were sent to me not anyone else, I can assure you that was too painful to post as I did not want people to laugh at me....do I regret it yes, but at the time, I didnt care.....apparently people liked his red underwear
All i want is some sort of life, as I said I wrapped my whole world around my husband and now am alone, I hope to join a group to make friends, but right now Im raw, and hurting and seeking direction in what i should do--- Im not going to say that I look forward to waking up, I dont, but I know I will and have realised that I will hurt for a while longer, but that being on here with people who have no idea of what your going through calling you manipulative and a drunk driver are so wrong-
Reason I bought JD, cos many years ago a cousin of mine took his own life of a cliff near porthcawl and he was a JD drinker and I was very close to them and on the night in question I had been looking at their picture and just thought this is my way out, so even though I dont drink that was my only focus-
Some people may slate me for this, but at the time and those of you that have hit rock bottom, will realise where I am coming from

But for those who can offer support, I have contacted Shelter and have an appointment, but Im not quite sure where I can go for advice to see if entitled to some help with legal costs, tried CAB, but closed till Friday

dirtysexymonkey

if you drank what you claimed then you were over the limit. fact. so you were either drink driving or lying.

suki1001

heledw wrote: »

I phoned Shelter today and have an appointment for Wednesday 11th at 12pm.

Good

heledw wrote: »

Believe it or not, my writings may have been gibberish on that first night as I had not slept for days, I still don't sleep properly, but today I hope to try to start to take control back.

You will do.

heledw wrote: »

i seen my husband whilst out at supermarket today and he made sure I overheard him saying to a "friend" --"her and I are over", "I hate her as she gave me a criminal record" and "I wanted to spend Xmas with her, I even bought her a bottle of champagne", but she had me arrested for nothing", he even gave the person I was with the Christmas card he had bought unwritten thou, not sure why,

What a cheapskate! You are worth far more than a bottle of champagne! Lets translate that situation into what it really was:

He doesn't like what you've done, you've very rightly taken some control of a situation and he's clearly not used to that, so in order to gain control he's done the only thing he can think of and he's thrown a strop interestingly in a supermarket! Literally behaving like a three year old. Can you see the comparison here? The only difference is a three year old would say "I hate you, you won't let me have any Haribos".

I can guarantee you will be laughing about this when you're feeling like your life is on track.

heledw wrote: »

But I think being told I hate you to your face indirectly makes you think, that perhaps its time you either continue being a victim or you put a face on and be strong on the outside to show you don't care, but inside you hurt etc

You're right to choose not being a victim, however, I would say learning (it does take time) not to be a victim is about looking at other people's behaviour for what it is and understanding when their reaction to a situation isn't normal or indeed acceptable. He might be cross with you for whatever reason (and that seriously is his problem), but that does not mean he has the right to belittle you or make you feel small or bully you. Learning about not being a victim is not about putting a mask to hide your feelings. It's about empowering yourself and building up your self esteeme.

heledw wrote: »

So an old lady that lives by me, seen me crying and asked was I ok, and I crumbled, but she has spent 4 hours with me and for once in the past nearly 2 weeks, I actually feel not too bad

I'm glad this has helped, but you have been through quite an ordeal. Some of these organisations that have been suggested will really help, while it is good to talk especially to a stranger sometimes, you need people who understand the dynamics of what has gone on. I think you may be very surprised as to how they can help.

heledw wrote: »

Im not saying I wont cry anymore, but at the moment, I need to ensure OH does not financially ruin me, so advice needed please
Can anyone make him pay his share of mortgage, aware going to rent private place soon so will say unable to afford....
If he agrees to sell house , but in the meantime whilst waiting for it to sell I struggle financially, what can I do?? without seriously damaging my credit history???
Can he sign house over to me, so that he can walk away from his responsibilities???

You're perfectly entited to cry. Sorry I can't help you on the house side.

BitterAndTwisted

"Can anyone make him pay his share of mortgage, aware going to rent private place soon so will say unable to afford...."

No, I'm afraid that no-ine vcan make him live up to his responsibilities un this way. Sucks, doesn't it?

"If he agrees to sell house , but in the meantime whilst waiting for it to sell I struggle financially, what can I do?? without seriously damaging my credit history???"

Not a great deal. have you spoken to your mortgage-lender yet about perhaps going interest-only temporarily?

"Can he sign house over to me, so that he can walk away from his responsibilities???"

Yes, he can but only with your agreement, naturally. A lot also depends on ho much equity you have in the property and whether you could support the mortgage-payment on your salary alone.

You're sounding a lot more chipper today, girl. That's really good to see. Have a bloody good cry if you want to, it's good for you.

heledw

I dont want the house, I want to sell it and even if I have to private rent or beg the council for help, staying not an option I earn £18,000 a year we paid £114,000 for it, they wont remortgage in my name alone, so hopefully it will sell for roughly what we paid for it, hopefully slightly more, so that I can get a bond and rent together.
If I went interest only, roughly what would the payments be as at preset they are £600 per month and I bring home £1100 per month
so basically he can ruin me financially and there is little I can do about it

heledw

Ok think what you will, but I hit rock bottom and I know what occurred, i hoped for advice, but was not thinking straight....
yes perhaps I was wrong going in my car, perhaps i shouldnt have had a slug from a bottle and if you read the post i drank about a third of a small bottle, it cost £10.00, and i was in my car for over 8 hours most of it sleeping....
i know i was ok to drive, or perhaps your right I wasn't but if I wasn't it was because I was tearful or emotional and maybe not concentrating, not because someone thinks Im a drunk
That hurts more than your other comments as Im hurting cos I found out the man I loved on Xmas Eve was sleeping with two women and then his behaviour escalated and yes I took it really badly as I LOVE HIM
I did not expect to get ostracized on here....
Part of me thinks the forum kicks you whilst you are down, but its the minority as I have had some really helpful and supportive advice especially from a few people that have PM me.... those I thank as you have no idea how much you have helped me....

WhiteHorse

Take control. Get a sharp, aggressive lawyer and trash your ex. He's no good and never will be, so half measures will simply ensure more trouble in the future.

davenport151

To Heledw - I agree with Whitehorse.
Its so easy for us to judge you on the issue of the drinking/driving. But do any of us really know what we would do in that situation. Men can be such ***** and not appreciate what they have. Get some help ,try to rebuild your life - for YOU. Good luck with your future.

MandM90

heledw wrote: »

I dont want the house, I want to sell it and even if I have to private rent or beg the council for help, staying not an option I earn £18,000 a year we paid £114,000 for it, they wont remortgage in my name alone, so hopefully it will sell for roughly what we paid for it, hopefully slightly more, so that I can get a bond and rent together.
If I went interest only, roughly what would the payments be as at preset they are £600 per month and I bring home £1100 per month
so basically he can ruin me financially and there is little I can do about it

Ring your mortgage company and ask, see a solicitor and ring some of the charities listed above. There is so much help out there and there is a better life waiting for you but it won't fall into your lap...you need to take control of the situation and grab it with both hands!

If you can find a lodger I'm sure you could make interest only payments.

robpw2

Padstow wrote: »

When do the Uni studying law go back then? I am so tired of them picking our brains. Not only here, but on other forums too.

whats wrong with law students?