MSE Newborn to 1 year Baby Club 1

Gillyx

Aw hun that's just mothers instinct kicking in. My mum proudly tells me she used to put me in my pram, put the pram in the living room and go to sleep of an evening, and leave me to it as in her words "there was nothing wrong with me" I think in the 60/70/80's it was the normal way to parent and HV's would tell people to put there prams at the bottom of the garden and let the baby scream it out.

You will find your stride and it happens so quickly, one day you just wake up and everything seems easier. Until then, go with your instincts, do what you want to do. They're little for such a short time, grab the cuddles and snuggles with both hands. Pretty soon they'l be batting you away (or poking you in the eye in my case :eek: ) to go and explore and play with there toys.

You are not doing anything wrong by comforting and nursing him, it's basic human nature.

We are all here for a rant or if you're unsure of anything xxx

Bamama

*hugs Gilly* I swear I will contribute with helpful or happy posts in the future. I'm honestly not as miserable as I must be sounding!

Gillyx

I understand completely. I will 100% be honest with you here, when I brought A home from the hospital I seriously thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. I was miserable. He cried all the time, didn't sleep unless he was being held, which in turn meant the holder couldn't sleep, he wouldn't breast feed, he wouldn't take milk from a bottle, he'd take 1oz and scream for 2 hours, then take an oz. I couldn't even understand how I was going to survive, I spent so many hours crying, I remember one time covering my ears with the pillow while my OH held this screaming little alien, as I just felt I couldn't take much more.

People kept telling me that it would pass and it was a phase and it would get better but it made me so angry when they said that, as they weren't living it, they weren't frantically gripping onto there last bit of sanity.

Now I find myself saying it now, but it does pass and it does get better.

Now if you need to wee/poop/get a drink do it, put him down and do it, do not deprive yourself of basic needs, yes he will cry for a few minutes but do what you need to do. He will still be there when you get back, and the world won't end, but the screaming will make you feel like it is You will go back, pick him up and he'l calm down quite quickly.

But believe me when I say it will get easier, I'm considering number 2, I think it just sort of erases itself from your memory!

MissKeith

How do you know if your baby has reflux? Oscar is a month old now and he's either screaming or feeding. He comfort feeds constantly and he won't let you put him down, he'll arch his back and squirm around and he just looks so uncomfortable all the time. I thought it was wind at first but today I noticed that aftrr a feed I hear something gurgle up from his stomach, he swallows and then starts to cry.

My partner works long hours so he doesn't take him during the night but then the baby barely sleeps during the day so I'm so exhausted. I just don't knoe what to do! Should I let him eat as much as he wants evem though he's thrown uo twice today? Please help.

moneypenny21

Miss Keith I can't offer much help but didn't want to read and run.can you get any respite In the day from ur family or friends even just for a day for a few hours to sleep? You sound like you aw doing a grand job it's bloody hard never mind with no sleep. Big hugs hope someone can help soon xxx

DayDreamBeliever_2

Who would have thought a 5 week old could miss her daddy quite so much? Sleep just hasn't happened since my oh has been away because lil lady just won't settle and I'm tired

She has had two 2 hour sleeps since 7am yesterday (on top of no sleep longer then 20 mins all day monday!) and only then when she was laying on her dads tshirts - anyone have any advice or do we just need to tough it out until she gets used to him not being here? He's not back till the 29th!

martafdz

Misskeith, I spoke to my GP about reflux because at first I thought my LO had it. He said that if she had reflux she would be throwing up in most or all her feeds arching her back a lot and screaming. She didn't throw up that often but did the other two. At the end, in our case it was very bad wind what brought the milk up and using teats number 2 (we were told to use them to make her put on weight). We switched to teats number one again, we improved the winding and she stopped throwing up. After that the problem changed though, lol. Soon she was.demanding more food on a growth spurt and.she was having stomach pains / wind changed again to number two when she wad three weeks +, as now she can control it better, no throwing up at all.. Your LO might need extra winding or winding every few minutes during the feed. If it is just twice a day, maybe it's the same as for ours but in doubt I guess you.could call.the midwife team or book an appointment with GP if you feel your LO might need Gaviscon for babies or something like that.

Bamama, I was told not to let the baby cry it out at this age, as they don't cry for attention, but because they usually cry for a specific need (feed, nappy, tiredness...) and the routines are implemented later on. Why does your OH want you to use bottle? I mean, you will be chained to the chair as much as now.or more if you plan to use breastmilk anyway, because you'll have to express when Dewi have a bottle to keep your supply with his demand. The pump is not as efficient as your baby so it might take longer to get the amount you need.for a bottle. I would understand it if your OH wanted to do shifts with you or you had to return to work very.soon but even in that situation you'd still need to express around his feeds or make up for them. What does he think that would change if you use the bottle? Also since you would be using breastmilk anyway, he would ask for a feed as much as now. Even with formula you are not guaranteed a good schedule, I feed her like 10 times a dayminimum, most sleep she gets atm is 3h and a half during the freaking morning, not during the night lol. So far tonight, she's had a feed at 11, 1:30, 2:30, 4:45. Forget about what family says, every baby is different and times have also changed, so has changed the official advice, the techniques, bottles, formula etc. As I told my DH the other day, not because our mums have had kids are now experts, nor are midwives the best skilled mothers in the world because they are used to work with babies all day, they certainly will have valuable advice but it's your baby, so as long as you do not put your lo at risk or harm him, you decide what's best. I'm a bit tired already of some family advice. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have advice and I'll try anything, but it's the attitude behind, as if they had been there, tested it, and got the only one solution for your problem. It might have worked with their kids but it does not mean it would work with yours, or that you even want to try that. But you are made to feel as if you are a bad mother if you do not try what they say, or if you do and it still doesn't work, you must be doing it wrong. Bamama, you cannot spoil a newborn, imo and according to all the books I have at home. I think the first 8 weeks are directed by what your lo wants, there will be time for setting up rules. Has your oh read the birth to one book? Maybe he should do that and see for himself what the advice is with regard to bottles, breastfeeding, crying etc. I'm very lucky that my DH is a hands on daddy, he's doing as much as me and all he's been telling me to do is napping, having showers or eating something whilst he looks after her. But he's also been reading books, researching online and checking forums looking for tips on how to sort her wind or belly issues, he's having a month off work between holidays and paternity leave and he's been doing every aspect of baby care, he even taught me how to do the bicycle winding after watching a video online!!. We have not registered her yet, but we have an appointment to go next Monday. Maybe you could try to ask him to read you from the book about x and z (whatever you think). I got thhe baby week by week book today and DH read to me the sections for week 3 and 4 whilst I fed her.

Sammie, I hope you and your family are ok and the funeral went ok too.

martafdz

DayDreamBeliever, I didn't know they could get attached to someone so young! Do you put the t shirt on the cot / moses?

Oh,.by the way, so far, slightly improvement here with regard to wind. The first main thing that made a difference was not shaking the formula, but using a spoon to stir it. The formula had no bubbles and it wasn't foamy this way, so she ate without crying most of the time. Second thing that made a difference are the Dr Brown's bottles, omg they are good! They have this "straw system " that gets the air out of the teat, brilliant. I heard pleasure noises whilst eating for the first time in the last couple of weeks!! She is getting less wind, so she eats much better, there is less crying and it seems I'll be buying more of those bottles. We had loads of the avent ones, but the difference for us is massive. The starter kit with 3 bottles and 7 teats is on offer on Amazon at £16. Infacol is helping too, but it took a few days to work. The only issue left at the moment is.the trumping! Not an issue if it weren't because it seems.painful and she strains a lot to pass the wind, plus it wakes her up! Anyway, 48h ago she was unsettled or crying for most of the evening and a few hours in the morning, in the last 24h she cried a few times here and there due to wind but also settled with winding and heat on belly (hand, usually) and she's been a different baby. For first time in days we could watch tv in bed... and without subtitles!!! Lol. Her screaming never.allowed us to watch a.film or th series in one go, plus we always needed subtitles to figure out the dialogue. Honestly, if you are having problems with wind and are on formula, try stirring the milk instead of shaking it. Dr Brown 's bottles actually have to be prepared that way, but we started doing that with the avent ones before we received the other ones, and it was an improvement. she still cries grunts and have wind, but I think we are now in normal / average level of crying and discomfort. It's been just under 24h since the changes, but it has been such a relief and a break that I'm already swearing by them!!

katiechoc_2

Bamama hope you had chance to speak to your OH about the bottle feeding issue? We went through a similar phase, albeit when G was a little bit older (5-6 weeks), and it just came down to him feeling useless when I was up half the night feeding on top of struggling with PND. Not helped by everyone and his son telling him that formula fed babies sleep through, which I think most ff mums on here will tell you is a myth!

My little monster has woken up full of beans this morning, the novelty of being able to get about by himself hasn't worn off, he's just going from one side of the living room to the other giggling like a loon

Turtle I have that book too, not read it though but will give it a go if you think its been helpful. I'd like to get him off the night feeds but I'm worried he is actually hungry at least once a night as his eating is still hit and miss with the blw. Does Reuben eat much in the way of solids now?

Gillyx

MissKeith wrote: »

How do you know if your baby has reflux? Oscar is a month old now and he's either screaming or feeding. He comfort feeds constantly and he won't let you put him down, he'll arch his back and squirm around and he just looks so uncomfortable all the time. I thought it was wind at first but today I noticed that aftrr a feed I hear something gurgle up from his stomach, he swallows and then starts to cry.

My partner works long hours so he doesn't take him during the night but then the baby barely sleeps during the day so I'm so exhausted. I just don't knoe what to do! Should I let him eat as much as he wants evem though he's thrown uo twice today? Please help.

Hi Hun, reflux is hard to diagnose or so it seems for a lot of GP's. What you are describing sounds like classic reflux symptoms to me. Now just because he isn't being sick all the time does not, and I repeat not mean he doesn't have reflux, the amount of times that line was spouted at me I could be rich if I was given a fiver

What I would do is keep a diary, when he feeds for how long, how long he's unsettled for, what he's doing when hes unsettled.

Take this to the GP, don't be afraid of telling them how you are feeling, it can be very overwhelming.

It sounds like silent reflux, which is when the oesphogeous (totally not spelt that right) hasn't closed over properly (it will do in time) and every time he feeds acid will be coming back up, but rather than coming out it travels back down the way and burns coming up and down. He will then comfort feed more to sooth the burning, but then it's a vicious circle. Which usually means they gain brilliantly as there always eating, so doctors tend to think there's nothing wrong!

Gaviscon in breast fed babies really isn't the best treatment as itl be difficult to get into them, but it's probably what they'l recommend to start with. If it doesn't work and you don't see an improvement, go back and keep going back. I had to hound them, I was in the surgery most days, probably looking like a crazy lady, as i hadn't slept for days or showered more than likely

It may seem like a long shot but dairy can tend to make reflux worse, so if there is any way of cutting it out of your own diet it may help.

Massive hugs Hun, it's really not easy xxx