Issue with Brother

Abbafan1972

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I've missed something.

Have you tried phoning him to have a chat? You say that he never speaks to your parents unless they phone him. I think the problem runs a lot deeper than just a few cards. Me personally, I would get annoyed if I only heard from a relative to find out where little Johnny's birthday card is!

I don't have any experience with Nieces/Nephews, as I'm an only child, so don't have any. Hubby has one Niece and Nephew courtesy of his awful brother, but we haven't been in contact with them for years, I couldn't even tell you how old they were!

Me, I'm not really bothered about cards. I am 40 in 4 weeks time and the amount of cards I will get I could count on one hand. It doesn't bother me. I used to exchange birthday cards with aunts and uncles etc, but that fizzled out years ago! I no longer get a card from my Nan as she is 90 and probably wouldn't even know who I was any more.

Try contacting him, either by phone or letter. If you don't get any joy out of him. Just leave him to get on with it. Life's too short to give a sod about family members who quite obviously don't give a sod about you!

[Deleted User]

my brothers haven`t sent cards for years, so I stopped making one way traffic. They didn`t even bother telling me that they had become grandparents, so I shrug it off and blame facebook. Thank goodness that our son (40) sends lovely cards to his sisters and to us, they aren`t all alike

Teenie_D

My brothers are the same (and in fact my hubby - if i didn't remember about birthdays nobody would get anything!) I think it's just generally a bloke thing and you are getting a bit hung up on it tbh.

Don't know why you just didn't stop sending cards when it was apparent they weren't going to be returned, I used to send cards to OH's siblings but after the second year of receiving nothing, they never got again. Same thing with Christmas pressies, we gave his brothers kids presents, never received anything for DD so that was it, no pressies the year after. My wee bro is the same, never sends a card to ANYONE not even mum and dad, I stopped sending him a couple of years ago, it's no big deal and we are still close.

My brothers are really bad for keeping in touch with the family but it doesn't mean they don't care about us, they just don't think or have other priorities. My Mum did used to get a bit hurt about this but she has just accepted that that is they way they are and is a lot more chilled out about it now, she knows that if she needs them they'll be there and that's all that matters really.

lady1964

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I've missed something.

Have you tried phoning him to have a chat? You say that he never speaks to your parents unless they phone him. I think the problem runs a lot deeper than just a few cards. Me personally, I would get annoyed if I only heard from a relative to find out where little Johnny's birthday card is!

I don't have any experience with Nieces/Nephews, as I'm an only child, so don't have any. Hubby has one Niece and Nephew courtesy of his awful brother, but we haven't been in contact with them for years, I couldn't even tell you how old they were!

Me, I'm not really bothered about cards. I am 40 in 4 weeks time and the amount of cards I will get I could count on one hand. It doesn't bother me. I used to exchange birthday cards with aunts and uncles etc, but that fizzled out years ago! I no longer get a card from my Nan as she is 90 and probably wouldn't even know who I was any more.

Try contacting him, either by phone or letter. If you don't get any joy out of him. Just leave him to get on with it. Life's too short to give a sod about family members who quite obviously don't give a sod about you!

I did explain in a post further back that he hasn't given me his up to date phone number, so until I get it, I can't chat to him.
I didn't think I'd made it sound like I only phoned him when a card didn't arrive, that wasn't the case. We used to chat now & then if I phoned him (he or his ex rarely called us) and we had regular email contact when he was working. The phone calls about non arrival of cards were because I was concerned that they might have gone 'missing' in transit and he used to put cash in them and I worried he'd think my dd's were ungrateful for not sending a thank you and that he'd sent money that never arrived. He actually appreciated that & began sending cheques instead. That now doesn't happen and I have absolutely no problem with that.

I'll get his number from our mum & call him before I move in a weeks' time and go from there.

red_devil

Teenie_D wrote: »

My brothers are the same (and in fact my hubby - if i didn't remember about birthdays nobody would get anything!) I think it's just generally a bloke thing and you are getting a bit hung up on it tbh.

Don't know why you just didn't stop sending cards when it was apparent they weren't going to be returned, I used to send cards to OH's siblings but after the second year of receiving nothing, they never got again. Same thing with Christmas pressies, we gave his brothers kids presents, never received anything for DD so that was it, no pressies the year after. My wee bro is the same, never sends a card to ANYONE not even mum and dad, I stopped sending him a couple of years ago, it's no big deal and we are still close.

My brothers are really bad for keeping in touch with the family but it doesn't mean they don't care about us, they just don't think or have other priorities. My Mum did used to get a bit hurt about this but she has just accepted that that is they way they are and is a lot more chilled out about it now, she knows that if she needs them they'll be there and that's all that matters really.

thats a terrible stereotype its a bloke thing.

Teenie_D

red_devil wrote: »

thats a terrible stereotype its a bloke thing.

Well in my experience it is....it was meant tongue in cheek, should have put a after it!!

Abbafan1972

red_devil wrote: »

thats a terrible stereotype its a bloke thing.

It's true though.

I have always been responsible for sending hubby's relatives Xmas cards. Although for the past 2 years I haven't bothered, as most of them I wouldn't even waste a stamp on. To be honest he doesn't actually care if I send them a card or not.

red_devil

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

It's true though.

I have always been responsible for sending hubby's relatives Xmas cards. Although for the past 2 years I haven't bothered, as most of them I wouldn't even waste a stamp on. To be honest he doesn't actually care if I send them a card or not.

its not true my oh always sends his sister a birthday card. Never forgets. How can you when you have lived with that person all your life growing up.

red_devil

My brothers are really bad for keeping in touch with the family but it doesn't mean they don't care about us, they just don't think or have other priorities.

Do you know how awful that sounds they have other priorities! The family wont always be there see them and value them while you can.

aliasojo

I don't get all this 'tit for tat' business I'm afraid.

I thought sending cards was meant as a recognition of an event and as a method to convey your best wishes to someone.

Since when did it mean 'I willl send you a card to recognise the occasion and send you best wishes....only if you send one to me'.

OP, think about the actual people involved. Do you like them enough to send a card? If so, do it. If not, don't.

If it annoys you that much that your brother doesn't send you/yours one in return, then don't send him/his anymore, but don't keep badgering him about it all. That's just wrong imo.