Tax credits, child maintenance question..

Orville

FBaby wrote: »

Another thing I don't understand, why didn't you celebrate Christmas at yours on another day? This way they could have 'two' christmases, you could have seen them open the presents you got them, and they could thank you face to face live?

They live 250 miles away on the isle of wight. I work in a store which is open over the christmas period and have only had christmas day off. To go 250 miles to drop one off then go back a day or two later pick them all up, come back here and then take them back again a few days later is just too much wouldn't you agree..? That would be something like 1000 miles in a week. Not to mention the ferry trips.

Working in the store means i can't have time off in December as i am sure you are aware is the busiest period of the year which is why i saved hard for us all to go to disney in Jan. It is also one of the kids birthdays too when we are there which is one of the reasons i am doing it, as their mum won't let him have a party. I have booked him a birthday cake etc in cafe mickey which will hopefully make his day..!:D

FBaby

But you are not taking on the role of dad if you are not contributing towards their every day costs. It's not a question of point of view. You expect, rightly, for your wife to contribute towards the son you are raising, not for her to only buy him presents, pay for them to go on holidays, so why is it any different if you still consider yourself as the dad of the two oldest?

You're right, i don't understand.

Orville

FBaby wrote: »

But you are not taking on the role of dad if you are not contributing towards their every day costs. It's not a question of point of view. You expect, rightly, for your wife to contribute towards the son you are raising, not for her to only buy him presents, pay for them to go on holidays, so why is it any different if you still consider yourself as the dad of the two oldest?

You're right, i don't understand.

I don't expect her to pay for holidays for our child, i pay for them out of my own pocket. As i said i am taking them all to disney. Let me tell you that last year my ex took the other two kids on holiday and left the one living with me at home. We never knew about it until he tried to call the home number to speak to her and never got an answer for 4 days. I called her mobile which i could tell was being used outside of the country (the ringtone is different and she sounded distant), this is when she admitted she was actually abroad..!! I said to her why didn't you say i would have paid his part of the cost. Can you imagine how he felt when he found out?.

What does that tell you?.

I do contribute to their everyday costs, as i said if one rings me up and asks for something i get it for them. As i keep saying they are not mine so i don't see why i should subsidise their mum by giving her money directly which i know won't get spent on them. But she does have a child with me and has a legal responsibility to support him. She'd be more then happy if she didn't have to pay a penny and i can tell you she wouldn't offer to either.

Vejovis

Orville wrote: »

I don't expect her to pay for holidays for our child, i pay for them out of my own pocket. As i said i am taking them all to disney. Let me tell you that last year my ex took the other two kids on holiday and left the one living with me at home. We never knew about it until he tried to call the home number to speak to her and never got an answer for 4 days. I called her mobile which i could tell was being used outside of the country (the ringtone is different and she sounded distant), this is when she admitted she was actually abroad..!! I said to her why didn't you say i would have paid his part of the cost. Can you imagine how he felt when he found out?.

What does that tell you?.

I do contribute to their everyday costs, as i said if one rings me up and asks for something i get it for them. As i keep saying they are not mine so i don't see why i should subsidise their mum by giving her money directly which i know won't get spent on them. But she does have a child with me and has a legal responsibility to support him. She'd be more then happy if she didn't have to pay a penny and i can tell you she wouldn't offer to either.

if one happens to ring you and you help them out is OT contributing to everyday costs, if it was everyday costs you'd pay on a weekly basis for the children you 'treat as your own'.

back to the phone call, so your ex said she'd ask them to call back, has it ever occurred that by the time they got in she might have forgotten, or that they might have been busy doing something else. rather than sitting next to the phone mithering to yourself, why didn't you just pick up the phone again a few hours later. maybe they understand more about the financial/emotional situation than you realise and think that they'll ring when they're good and ready, after all you're not their father as you keep saying, so they might not see you as a priority.

oh and as for the holiday, how did your child know? not many kids would understand the difference between rings, and if you heardd them, presumably you were the one with your ear to the receiver, the only way he would have found out is if you threw you toys out of the pram as you did yesterday over the phone call, and started moaning about her being abroad while you child was in earshot. he had no reason to be upset by it, because he need never have known

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

if one happens to ring you and you help them out is OT contributing to everyday costs, if it was everyday costs you'd pay on a weekly basis for the children you 'treat as your own'.

back to the phone call, so your ex said she'd ask them to call back, has it ever occurred that by the time they got in she might have forgotten, or that they might have been busy doing something else. rather than sitting next to the phone mithering to yourself, why didn't you just pick up the phone again a few hours later. maybe they understand more about the financial/emotional situation than you realise and think that they'll ring when they're good and ready, after all you're not their father as you keep saying, so they might not see you as a priority.

oh and as for the holiday, how did your child know? not many kids would understand the difference between rings, and if you heardd them, presumably you were the one with your ear to the receiver, the only way he would have found out is if you threw you toys out of the pram as you did yesterday over the phone call, and started moaning about her being abroad while you child was in earshot. he had no reason to be upset by it, because he need never have known

I am not going to answer evey part of your post because obviously you are not paying attention. All i will say is where do you get the idea they know i am not their father from when all along i have said they think i am and also when i found out she had gone on holiday without him was i supposed to lie to him when he was stood next to me and heard it?.

Vejovis

Orville wrote: »

I am not going to answer evey part of your post because obviously you are not paying attention. All i will say is where do you get the idea they know i am not their father from when all along i have said they think i am and also when i found out she had gone on holiday without him was i supposed to lie to him when he was stood next to me and heard it?.

did you bother reading my post? i never said they knew i said they might have, children aren't stupid, they'll have spoken to friends at school who'll know that when children are separated it's because they have different parents.

yes you should have lied to save his feelings, what good did it do his to be told the truth? the only person to benefit from telling him would have been you to release your pent up rage, you seem to get angry about a lot of things, perhaps you need to look at your own behaviour before criticising anyone elses.

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

did you bother reading my post? i never said they knew i said they might have, children aren't stupid, they'll have spoken to friends at school who'll know that when children are separated it's because they have different parents.

yes you should have lied to save his feelings, what good did it do his to be told the truth? the only person to benefit from telling him would have been you to release your pent up rage, you seem to get angry about a lot of things, perhaps you need to look at your own behaviour before criticising anyone elses.

Yes i did read your post. You said they won't see me as a priority as i have kept saying i am not their father?. How does that work out then?. I could not have lied to him as her heard the conversation, i asked her where she was as he couldn't get ahold of her to which she replied we've gone on holiday. I was expecting her to maybe say they had problems with the phone etc or she was at relatives or something.

As for pent up rage, thanks for the giggle that made me laugh.

The child came to me not because they have different parents but because she met another bloke and kept going away and leaving them with her mum to look after. I wasn't having that so dhe said for me to have him, which i did. He was also too young to be left home alone when they were both at work, thr older two wern't. I am sure i also posted that earlier too?.

Vejovis

Orville wrote: »

Yes i did read your post. You said they won't see me as a priority as i have kept saying i am not their father?. How does that work out then?. I could not have lied to him as her heard the conversation, i asked her where she was as he couldn't get ahold of her to which she replied we've gone on holiday. I was expecting her to maybe say they had problems with the phone etc or she was at relatives or something.

As for pent up rage, thanks for the giggle that made me laugh.

you've mentioned god knows how many times that youre not their father, the proof is there for anyone to see, even if you try to delete your post to deny it, there are quotes there to be seen.

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

you've mentioned god knows how many times that youre not their father, the proof is there for anyone to see, even if you try to delete your post to deny it, there are quotes there to be seen.

Yes and i have never said anything different, but you implied the children know i am NOT their father which they don't..!!

skibadee

How old are the PWC's other 2 children?.....Maybe its time she told them the truth....I know someone who's daughter spent yrs thinking her step-dad was her real dad...mum decided to tell her the truth quite a few years ago.....life was not too sweet for a while....but the daughter soon discovered why her biological father had never been in her life....and has moved on with her life and has retained a good relationship with her mum and step-dad too.
Parents should be honest with their children (thats just my opinion )....so many lies/secrets cause problems and bitterness.

OP only you can decide where to go from here.....you can listen to/read others opinions/advice but its your life (and yr child/childrens) so only you can make the decision.