Tax credits, child maintenance question..

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

why should they phone you at all then? perhaps they are sending you a letter in the post as other children do.

Because as far as they know i am their father. I treat them like mine, and so do my parents. (Even though we have split) would it be responsibile of me to say to them, "oh btw i'm not your father" now i am not with their mum anymore?. No it wouldn't, i took the responsibility on when i got with her and it's one i won't sherk now we have split.

I think you have a weird way of bringing up your kids if it dosen't bother you that they don't say thanks for presents received.

Believe me when i say that her not getting them to call to say thanks was done deliberatly just to (how to say) annoy us. You don't know the mentality of the girl. I do which is why i am now looking to take a more formal route.

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

mine write letters, because it's more personal. if an adult is that needy they need gratification on that day of receipt, imo that's their problem, not the childs.

Who said it was the childs problem?. Are you the full ticket..?

Vejovis

Orville wrote: »

Because as far as they know i am their father. I treat them like mine, and so do my parents. (Even though we have split) would it be responsibile of me to say to them, "oh btw i'm not your father" now i am not with their mum anymore?. No it wouldn't, i took the responsibility on when i got with her and it's one i won't sherk now we have split.

I think you have a weird way of bringing up your kids if it dosen't bother you that they don't say thanks for presents received.

Believe me when i say that her not getting them to call to say thanks was done deliberatly just to (how to say) annoy us. You don't know the mentality of the girl. I do which is why i am now looking to take a more formal route.

my children always say thank you. but the adults in their lives dont expect it to be immediate. they know that post takes time. if you expect them to phone no matter what then it is you with the problem not your ex. it seems like you're looking for an excuse to go to the csa, why no have to guts just to do it, instead of blaming the children for not phoning.

Vejovis

Orville wrote: »

Who said it was the childs problem?. Are you the full ticket..?

you did by saying they should have phoned, why should they when there are a million and one reasons why they didnt.

Vejovis

Orville wrote: »

Because as far as they know i am their father. I treat them like mine, and so do my parents. (Even though we have split) would it be responsibile of me to say to them, "oh btw i'm not your father" now i am not with their mum anymore?. No it wouldn't, i took the responsibility on when i got with her and it's one i won't sherk now we have split.

I think you have a weird way of bringing up your kids if it dosen't bother you that they don't say thanks for presents received.

Believe me when i say that her not getting them to call to say thanks was done deliberatly just to (how to say) annoy us. You don't know the mentality of the girl. I do which is why i am now looking to take a more formal route.

oh and if they really felt like they were yours they would be asking why they weren't with you. the fact they aren't tells them subconsciously that the child who is with you is different. so in their minds it's either because xxxx is more special or daddy doesnt love them as much. far kinder to tell them the truth.

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

my children always say thank you. but the adults in their lives dont expect it to be immediate. they know that post takes time. if you expect them to phone no matter what then it is you with the problem not your ex. it seems like you're looking for an excuse to go to the csa, why no have to guts just to do it, instead of blaming the children for not phoning.

Sorry we must think differently, not gonna argue as you don't know her (I do).

Looking for an excuse no, had enough yes. Looking to do her more favours no, why should i?. I mean she virtually begged me not to go the csa route which i gave in and didn't. I now wonder why she was so against it?. Maybe she is earning alot more then she let on and was looking to keep them out of it so i didn't get what i should?.

Today was just the last straw and i have now decided to do what i felt i should have done from the start.

Orville

Vejovis wrote: »

oh and if they really felt like they were yours they would be asking why they weren't with you. the fact they aren't tells them subconsciously that the child who is with you is different. so in their minds it's either because xxxx is more special or daddy doesnt love them as much. far kinder to tell them the truth.

I wanted to tell them the truth from the start (they were six months and 2 years when i met her). Her mum agreed but she was dead against it. What could i do?.

The youngest was with me because she worked full time when we split and i didn't. The other two were of an age where they could do most stuff on their own, goto school etc where the youngest couldn't. She then met another bloke a few months later and basically didn't want the responsibility of looking after the youngest so he came to me.

jojo_2012_2

Nothing stopping you putting in a CSA claim it's your right as a parent with care. From what I hear they do take tax credits into account when working out CSA payments.

To be honest with you plenty of people receive money through pay pal, hardcore eBayers for example. People don't necessarily let HMRC know every single £ you get from an eBay sale, nor does paypal, you won't get very far that way unfortunately as far as I know. Wouldn't be surprised if she declared the bare minimum.

FBaby

So really, they are as if they were yours, you've brought them up as your children, but because they are not biologically yours, it is now ok to justify not contributing towards them financially at all, and yet you want to get more from their mum for your biological child? Presumably, she doesn't get any maintenance from the two children's biological father?

How old are the children? Yes, giving you a call to say thank you would have been nice. Getting into a huff and a puff because they didn't and wanting to punish the mum for it is in my opinion over the top. In your situation, I would have called them myself and got cross with them if they had not thank me then.

clearingout

Fbaby is spot on - you are angry because your ex didn't follow what you consider to be appropriate etiquette and now are threatening her with the CSA. The self employed are very, very difficult to get money out of through the CSA so good luck with that - I am 3 years and counting....