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mountainofdebt

OP

My mum's two youngest grandchildren are twins and they couldn't be more different if you tried.

The little girl is a dream to look after whilst her brother is a competely different story - he is more of a handful to look after and I know that my mother is more wary of looking after him than her for this very reason.

That doesn't mean for one minute that my mother doesn't love him any less than her - she just finds him more draining - nor would she ever refuse to look after him.

DVardysShadow

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

that's why I take colouring book / felt tips / stickers with me to those type of occasions.....

What do your kids do while you are colouring?

alwaysbrassic

DVardysShadow wrote: »

What do your kids do while you are colouring?

If you are anything like me you end up spending your time drawing various houses, trees, aeroplanes etc!

I appreciate that kids can be tiring, but at the end of the day they are kids. I don't force her to have them, and I don't put on her. The whole favouritism thing obviously does bother me, I'm human. I just find it difficult to be told my children are monkeys and being compared to other children. We are all individuals. We shouldn't compare. If she has a problem, I would rather it be discussed than dropping hints.
Thank you for all your advice, know there isn't much I can do, just ranting! I can't change my children's personalities as much as I can't change their eye colour.

Oldernotwiser

jackyann wrote: »

And some people have no idea of how normal children behave! .

And some people consider that the most appalling behaviour is "normal"!

Oldernotwiser

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

If you are anything like me you end up spending your time drawing various houses, trees, aeroplanes etc!

I appreciate that kids can be tiring, but at the end of the day they are kids. I don't force her to have them, and I don't put on her. The whole favouritism thing obviously does bother me, I'm human. I just find it difficult to be told my children are monkeys and being compared to other children. We are all individuals. We shouldn't compare. If she has a problem, I would rather it be discussed than dropping hints.
Thank you for all your advice, know there isn't much I can do, just ranting! I can't change my children's personalities as much as I can't change their eye colour.

But you can modify their behaviour.

CH27

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

If you are anything like me you end up spending your time drawing various houses, trees, aeroplanes etc!

I appreciate that kids can be tiring, but at the end of the day they are kids. I don't force her to have them, and I don't put on her. The whole favouritism thing obviously does bother me, I'm human. I just find it difficult to be told my children are monkeys and being compared to other children. We are all individuals. We shouldn't compare. If she has a problem, I would rather it be discussed than dropping hints.
Thank you for all your advice, know there isn't much I can do, just ranting! I can't change my children's personalities as much as I can't change their eye colour.

But you can change their behaviour.

eta Oldernotwiser already said it:D

victory

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

I can't change my children's personalities as much as I can't change their eye colour.

You can change their behaviour and they way they are perceived to behave around your mums house or anywhere else:D

onlyroz

jackyann wrote: »

And some people have no idea of how normal children behave!

Like my dad. My kids are reasonably well behaved, but my dad just can't cope with them. He's got incredibly sensitive hearing and jumps at the slightest sound from either of them - and once, memorably, told my daughter off for laughing :mad: (and I think my mum must have had words with him about this because he hasn't done it since). When we go round to their house he either spends the time hiding in his room, or glowering at the kids from his chair.

My sister-in-law is pregnant at the moment, and has apparently had a word with my mum, because she is concerned about the way my dad talks to my kids, and wants some assurances that he won't treat her baby in that way.

FBaby

I have to say though that I myself do find it hard to be around kids full of beans, probably because I am used to mine who are very rarely hyper (and when they are, they are quickly sent to their bedroom to calm down!). I tend not to see some friends too often because I find their kids totally exhausting. I do find it unacceptable that a parent can't have two hours of peace to talk to a friend with kids who are over the age of 5/6. One of my friends can't spend 5 minutes without having to shout to her kids not to do something, or to do something, or because they will interupt to ask for something or demand something... I find it very frustrating.

I do accept that my kids are probably out of the norm, that most kids are much more energetic and demanding of attention and that it doesn't make them less lovable, but there are a number of kids I certainly wouldn't want to look after because they are just more than what I can cope with not being used to it, the main issue for me being excessive noise.

alwaysbrassic

victory wrote: »

You can change their behaviour and they way they are perceived to behave around your mums house or anywhere else:D

Other than tying them to a chair and taping their mouths shut, which I'm sure isn't legal, how can you teach them how to behave?
I certainly don't want to raise children who are scared to speak, how will they gain confidence. Same for the energy, is it more advisable to sit them in front of the tv all day watching them get unfit, purely because I want an hour to myself?
I had children with the view that they would change my life, not that they would quietly fit into my life.
My issue is the approach my mum has taken. If she finds them hard, let's discuss it and work with it, not compare them and slate them.
I started this thread feeling quite sad that my children are quite tiring, I've reached the point now that I am proud of the job I'm doing. My children may be difficult but they are polite and respectful, they never smack or be rude. They are, well, children.