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picnmix

Don't let it upset you, anyone would prefer to look after children that are pleasant to deal with and find those with "strong personalities" harder work. This does not mean she loves them any less.

If you are describing you own children as "challenging" then to anyone who isn't their parents this is magnified. As they are yours and you will always find them "awe inspiring" but that does not mean that others will if they do play them up.

Enjoy your children and don't worry about comments made, your mum does love your children and I am sure would not be able to "pick" one set of grandchildren over another. They are just different.

How are your children picking up on it, does your mum say it to them, or are you discussing it within their earshot?

elantan

it makes me so glad i only have one child ... my hubby is an only child also which helps with the grand parents situation ... i have 7 brothers and 3 sisters , i have heard from my brothers that my parents do have favourite children/grand children and i know it hurts them ..., thankfully i take nothing to do with my parents so dont have this worry

my sympathies with anyone having similar issues to the ops ( the op as well ofcourse)

Oldernotwiser

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

My children have never been big eaters, and my mum seems to take this as an insult, whereas she stands there really happy watching my nieces eat.

Well, that speaks volumes as well.

Emmarillo

I agree with what everyone else has said. I also wonder what your mum says to your sister about your children. You never know, maybe they are 'so much fun and so lively', leaving your sister thinking that she means hers are a bit dull.

neverdespairgirl

onlyroz wrote: »

E.g. you observe the behaviour of young children at a family wedding. All the kids are going to get bored, but some of them will be tearing round the room and crawling under the tables after an hour, whereas others will be sitting in their seats, fidgeting and complaining a bit, but basically behaving themselves.

that's why I take colouring book / felt tips / stickers with me to those type of occasions.....

neverdespairgirl

picnmix wrote: »

If you are describing you own children as "challenging" then to anyone who isn't their parents this is magnified. As they are yours and you will always find them "awe inspiring" but that does not mean that others will if they do play them up.

You saying they are "challenging" does imply that they are a right handful.

Nothing wrong with that, but you do need to be aware that it's easier to deal with looking after children (not your own ones) who are quieter, not fussy about their grub, and not constantly playing up.

I remember my uncle commenting on a piece in his local paper a few years ago where a 14 year old killed in a joyriding crash was described by his mother as a "loveable rogue". If that was what his mother said, at his funeral, he must have been a right little sod.

Oldernotwiser

A love the word "challenging"; it must be the most over used euphemism these days!

victory

[QUOTE=alwaysbrassic;49257707I__same_time_we_need_to_be_on_guard_all_the_time_as_they_test_boundaries._It_seems_to_be_this_that_my_mum_dislikes.[/QUOTE]


Maybe that is it ,unfairly or fairly your child has to be watched, have lots of time dedicated to the stay over, watching them all the time, worrying it is very anxious state to be in, taking care of another person's child is a huge responsibility without having to be on high alert, maybe your mum sees the others as a calmer, easier, less stressful way of being with her grandkids and enjoys the tranquility but cannot cope with the other?

picnmix

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

that's why I take colouring book / felt tips / stickers with me to those type of occasions.....

This made me giggle, my DH thinks I'm a loon when we go to an "occasion" as I pack my bag full of things "to keep them occupied". BBQ's, weddings, funerals etc. Other parents who don't think like me call me Mary Poppins!

FBaby

You and your parents and sister clearly have different expectations of how children should behave. That's fair enough, and as much as a parent, you have a right to raise your kids as you see fit, your parents have a right to feel closer to better behaved children (didn't say love them more, it's different).

I'm on the other side of the coin. My kids have always been well behaved, whereas my sister's boy is what I consider a brat, a lovely one, very sweet, but his attitude is to my standard absolutely appauling. I know my parents prefer when my kids are there because it is much less stressful for them. They also struggle with the fact that they know they can't do anything because they respect my sister enough not to over rule her. It's not easy.

I do agree though that your kids will pick up on your parents' feelings and that won't help your kids' behaviour. Maybe if you are open to hear what advice your mum might have in terms of discipline, maybe you could tell her that you've picked that she behaves differently with your boys and you are concerned that this in turn makes their behaviour worse?