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alwaysbrassic

Anyone any advice?
Just been on the phone to my mum, who has yet again informed me how good my sisters little girls have been for her today, how well they have eaten, how well behaved they have been etc etc.
As opposed to my big and girl who she constantly drops hints are hard work.
My 2 little ones do have very strong personalities (they are 4 and 2), and even myself and my husband find them challenging but at the same time so amusing and unique and awe inspiring.
I just rely get the distinct impression ( having been told my nieces are a joy to have) that if she like pick, it would be them hands down. It's really upsetting me as its ongoing. My children are picking up on it and that makes them behave worse for my mum!

alwaysbrassic

Sorry that should say boy!! Predictive text!!

GlasweJen

Ignore it, unless your kids are badly behaved brats of course. Sometimes mothers do the strangest things.

JodyBPM

I think this depends. If your mother is favouring your nieces for no real reason, then clearly you should ignore it, and not let it get to you.

However, if your mother is favouring your "well behaved" nieces over your children with "strong personalities" for a reason, then maybe you should listen to her gentle hint. No doubt she loves them all equally, but its frankly far more pleasant to be around nicely behaved children than "difficult" ones.

No parent wants to think that their child is anything other than perfect, but perhaps your mum is trying to tell you, gently, to rein in those "strong personalites". Might be in everyone's best interest.

cheepskate_2

[QUOTE=alwaysbrassic;492538
My 2 little ones do have very strong personalities (they are 4 and 2), and even myself and my husband find them challenging but at the same time so amusing and unique and awe inspiring.
![/QUOTE]


ONLY A MOTHER CAN SUGER COAT HER CHILDS BEHAVIOUR.

You and your husband find their behaviour challenging which really means ........ they dont do as they are told.

Come back when your child is 7 or 8 and by then you wont find this challenging behaviour endeering anymore.

emsywoo123

My mother prefers one of my children to the other..............that is awkward, and very sad. DS is too young to realise at the mo, I don't know what I'll do when he does :-/

Spendless

Yes, been there done that also with my parents with my sisters kids (twins) versus my eldest who was also a 'strong personality' and just a year older. I could no more change my son's strong personality, which is part of him than I could make him left handed instead of right.

What I did is, I made sure I mentioned my son's strengths/positives regularly when I saw my parents (mine was older than yours when I started this) eg I would talk about him doing well in a particular subject at school, him going on an overnight trip with cubs and so on. Eventually they turned round they way they viewed him and are now very proud of their clever and independant grandchild. It did take me a couple of years though, don't expect overnight success.

jackyann

Coming up to a challenging time for families!
Take note of posters and observe your kids over the holidays. What about other family members & friends - do you know how they see your children?
What you have written could be: naturally quiet, anxious-to-please girls who like to do nice indoor pastimes v. outdoor, rumbustious on-the-go kids who drain grandma's energy.
OR: ordinary kids v. kids with no proper sense of boundaries & whose bad behaviour is excused by their parents.
Ensure that your "strong personalities" have clear boundaries and know what to expect when they exceed them, then follow spendless' advice.

onlyroz

jackyann wrote: »

Coming up to a challenging time for families!
Take note of posters and observe your kids over the holidays. What about other family members & friends - do you know how they see your children?
What you have written could be: naturally quiet, anxious-to-please girls who like to do nice indoor pastimes v. outdoor, rumbustious on-the-go kids who drain grandma's energy.
OR: ordinary kids v. kids with no proper sense of boundaries & whose bad behaviour is excused by their parents.
Ensure that your "strong personalities" have clear boundaries and know what to expect when they exceed them, then follow spendless' advice.

Exactly. There is a fine line between "rumbustious on-the-go" and "out of control", and as a mother viewing your children through rose-tinted spectacles, you might not be able to tell the difference.

E.g. you observe the behaviour of young children at a family wedding. All the kids are going to get bored, but some of them will be tearing round the room and crawling under the tables after an hour, whereas others will be sitting in their seats, fidgeting and complaining a bit, but basically behaving themselves.

Relish in your outgoing children, but be aware of their impact on others around them and set them strict boundaries. Even a four-year-old with a "strong personality" needs to know to keep their voice down in a restaurant, or not to go screaming round grandma's house and knocking over her ornaments.

CH27

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Anyone any advice?
Just been on the phone to my mum, who has yet again informed me how good my sisters little girls have been for her today, how well they have eaten, how well behaved they have been etc etc.
As opposed to my big and girl who she constantly drops hints are hard work.
My 2 little ones do have very strong personalities (they are 4 and 2), and even myself and my husband find them challenging but at the same time so amusing and unique and awe inspiring.
I just rely get the distinct impression ( having been told my nieces are a joy to have) that if she like pick, it would be them hands down. It's really upsetting me as its ongoing. My children are picking up on it and that makes them behave worse for my mum!

That sentance speaks volumes.

alwaysbrassic

I appreciate it does seem like I have rose tinted specs on but I haven't, my kids are just kids. They go to playschool and nursery and the feedback from teachers is all positive. My husbands parents and step parents all share child care of my children and are full of positives. It does seem to be that my children don't enjoy going to my mums so much and play up for her.
My children have never been big eaters, and my mum seems to take this as an insult, whereas she stands there really happy watching my nieces eat.
I do discipline my children, they are by no means running around with no control, but at the same time we need to be on guard all the time as they test boundaries. It seems to be this that my mum dislikes.