Favourites

Oldernotwiser

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

My children are disciplined as and when necessary. Discipline takes on different forms, and I have never said in any of my posts that I don't discipline. That assumption has just been made by the many broad minded people out there.
Judging from the opinions on here, maybe the next time my daughter asks a question I should chastise her rather than answer her, and the next time my son is giddy I should send him to his room for being naughty rather than actually spend any time tickling him and playing with him.
I'm sure that will make them grow into well rounded individuals.

But children have to be taught that there are times when it's inappropriate to ask a question or that they may have to wait for a reply. Can you imagine the chaos in a classroom with 30 children asking questions at the same time, regardless of what the teacher is trying to do.

CH27

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I've only got 1. I usually end up being asked to add in a house, or a plane, or a rocket. Some of the time I chat to other people. Some of the time I'm a station for trains.

Oh that brings back memories:rotfl:

alwaysbrassic

CH27 wrote: »

Ok! I get it. Your children are practically perfect in every way:D

Read my original post, did I say that?

We used the same form of discipline that my children's nursery use so we are consistent. Does that mean an ofsted recognised nursery are using the wrong method?

Rome wasn't built in a day. I could use harsh methods to get quick results but I choose not to. I want a more consistant approach, which takes longer. Rather than shouting at everything they do, i am trying to deal with a couple of things at a time.That's my choice.

Mojisola

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Just been on the phone to my mum, who has yet again informed me how good my sisters little girls have been for her today, how well they have eaten, how well behaved they have been etc etc.

As opposed to my big and girl who she constantly drops hints are hard work.

Going back to your original post - I think you might be reading too much into your Mum's comments. Couldn't she just mean that your two are harder work without meaning anything negative in the comments - you sound as if you think she means she doesn't like your children as much as your sister's girls.

alwaysbrassic

Mojisola wrote: »

Going back to your original post - I think you might be reading too much into your Mum's comments. Couldn't she just mean that your two are harder work without meaning anything negative in the comments - you sound as if you think she means she doesn't like your children as much as your sister's girls.

You may be right. She dies freely admit that they are hard work, which I completely agree with. I just wish she didn't make comparisons all the time. I suppose I just need to not take it so seriously. I know who she would pick to look after. I just need to see that it's not a reflection of love.
Thank you.

heretolearn_2

Hi

You are clearly feeling rather defensive here and starting to say silly things like you are not going to start tying them to chairs or making them too scared to speak as an overreaction to what some posters are saying...we know you don't mean that and understand that there is a balance between no discipline and abuse! It's just that some of the things you've said have suggested that your approach is the 'no discipline' approach, and that's why people are suggesting maybe you need to change your approach a bit and that your kids are maybe more 'challenging' than you think. To be honest, as a stranger reading between the lines a bit, a lot of what you have written makes your kids sound like total awful nightmares - but let's accept that they are not and it was just a bit of an unfortunate phrasing. I think we are all misunderstanding each other a bit...

You also have to bear in mind how exhausting kids like these (even if lovely) can be to deal with, so it's natural for anyone but their parents to prefer a rather more peaceful experience of childcare. With the energetic one - that's fine but they still need boundaries. Running round the house screaming or jumping on furniture is not acceptable out of your house- if it's ok in your house then fine, but kids can easily learn different rules for different environments and they need to learn to behave in an acceptable way for each environment. It's not about stifling them or making them sit in front of a TV in silence , it's about equipping them with normal social skills. And that includes normal play activities that sometimes get a bit noisy/rumbunctious - but not all the time!

On the 'talker', my son was like that - and still is in his 20s. I love him to pieces and I'm proud of how intelligent he is, but he does get quite tiring to be around sometimes. He had a hard job learning what was appropriate when he was younger - not constantly interrupting, being inquisitive and interested without being annoying, not making everyone feel like he thought they were idiots (he has extremely high IQ too), and it took a few years, but the answer isn't to just give up and let them run their mouths off non stop. People don't like kids - or adults - who behave like that and have to dominate every conversation. It's just plain rude. You won't do yours any favours if you let her learn that every conversation is all about her and for her benefit.

So your kids do sound 'difficult' - also much loved, smart, fun to be around, enthusiastic (give me that over a boring couch potato any day) but just bear in mind that other people like grandparents may have a much shorter tolerance limit for how much of this they can enjoy. I'm sure they still love your kids just as much. And in my experience the kids who are like this do grow up to be smarter go-getter types as adults, so you are right to be proud of them. Just teach them that there are different behavioural expectations in different situations and that will be a skill they'll appreciate for life.

alwaysbrassic

heretolearn wrote: »

Hi

You are clearly feeling rather defensive here and starting to say silly things like you are not going to start tying them to chairs or making them too scared to speak as an overreaction to what some posters are saying...we know you don't mean that and understand that there is a balance between no discipline and abuse! It's just that some of the things you've said have suggested that your approach is the 'no discipline' approach, and that's why people are suggesting maybe you need to change your approach a bit and that your kids are maybe more 'challenging' than you think. To be honest, as a stranger reading between the lines a bit, a lot of what you have written makes your kids sound like total awful nightmares - but let's accept that they are not and it was just a bit of an unfortunate phrasing. I think we are all misunderstanding each other a bit...

You also have to bear in mind how exhausting kids like these (even if lovely) can be to deal with, so it's natural for anyone but their parents to prefer a rather more peaceful experience of childcare. With the energetic one - that's fine but they still need boundaries. Running round the house screaming or jumping on furniture is not acceptable out of your house- if it's ok in your house then fine, but kids can easily learn different rules for different environments and they need to learn to behave in an acceptable way for each environment. It's not about stifling them or making them sit in front of a TV in silence , it's about equipping them with normal social skills. And that includes normal play activities that sometimes get a bit noisy/rumbunctious - but not all the time!

On the 'talker', my son was like that - and still is in his 20s. I love him to pieces and I'm proud of how intelligent he is, but he does get quite tiring to be around sometimes. He had a hard job learning what was appropriate when he was younger - not constantly interrupting, being inquisitive and interested without being annoying, not making everyone feel like he thought they were idiots (he has extremely high IQ too), and it took a few years, but the answer isn't to just give up and let them run their mouths off non stop. People don't like kids - or adults - who behave like that and have to dominate every conversation. It's just plain rude. You won't do yours any favours if you let her learn that every conversation is all about her and for her benefit.

So your kids do sound 'difficult' - also much loved, smart, fun to be around, enthusiastic (give me that over a boring couch potato any day) but just bear in mind that other people like grandparents may have a much shorter tolerance limit for how much of this they can enjoy. I'm sure they still love your kids just as much. And in my experience the kids who are like this do grow up to be smarter go-getter types as adults, so you are right to be proud of them. Just teach them that there are different behavioural expectations in different situations and that will be a skill they'll appreciate for life.

Hence my original quote of finding them challenging. It is the constant setting of appropriate boundaries which makes them hard work. Not the lack of discipline as suggested by some.
I appreciate this is difficult for others to deal with. As I said before I would prefer a better approach from my mum than comparison. I know my children need more work than others, and therefore would not expect her to do this work for me.

Oldernotwiser

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Hence my original quote of finding them challenging. It is the constant setting of appropriate boundaries which makes them hard work. Not the lack of discipline as suggested by some.
I appreciate this is difficult for others to deal with. As I said before I would prefer a better approach from my mum than comparison. I know my children need more work than others, and therefore would not expect her to do this work for me.

But, if they're visiting her without you or your OH, she does have to do this work, surely? Perhaps even more so.

CH27

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Hence my original quote of finding them challenging. It is the constant setting of appropriate boundaries which makes them hard work. Not the lack of discipline as suggested by some.
I appreciate this is difficult for others to deal with. As I said before I would prefer a better approach from my mum than comparison. I know my children need more work than others, and therefore would not expect her to do this work for me.

But if you leave them with her she does have to do this work.

eta Oldernotwiser said it quicker:D

Elle7

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Read my original post, did I say that?

We used the same form of discipline that my children's nursery use so we are consistent. Does that mean an ofsted recognised nursery are using the wrong method?

Rome wasn't built in a day. I could use harsh methods to get quick results but I choose not to. I want a more consistant approach, which takes longer. Rather than shouting at everything they do, i am trying to deal with a couple of things at a time.That's my choice.

A nursery has to use certain, very limited, methods, because of all the rules and legislation. These methods are suitable in the nursery.

If you are happy with the slow and consistant method, if that is what you are calling it, then fair enough. I just think you can't then expect other people to be around your children or look after them for you until they have learnt what the majority of children at that age would know...such as not climbing on the furniture, or waiting a few minutes to ask a question.

This won't make them shy, or scared of you, it'll make them 'less challenging', and give them the skills they will need in the future. You may end up with confident children, but they won't thrive in education if you don't teach them how to behave.