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alwaysbrassic

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

I have two small children, also 4 and 2, who also fall at the high energy end of the personality spectrum.

I'm lucky because my sons' grandparents take pleasure and pride in their zest for life and for learning in particular. There are times however when, usually after a bad night's sleep, I find the constant noise, torrent of questions and high activity levels dizzying and on these days I find myself counting down the minutes until dh arrives so I can have some space to myself. It's not that they are naughty, they are as well behaved as others their age, it is just that they run at a different speed to your average small human and it is here where I am most 'challenged'.

Anyway, it might be that your Mum finds it more rewarding to look after your sister's children because they make her feel like she is doing a good job. I know I would feel a lot more smug about my parenting abilities and choices on these 'challenging' days if my children were as easily entertained as some others I know.

(written after a VERY difficult night and praying for an easier one)

Thank you, you've just described my life! I do have days when they are much worse than others. I find my children much easier if there is just me and one of them, they seem to make each other naughty. My 2 year old has picked up in behaviour that my 4 year old has only just learnt, there is obviously a lot of copying and vying for attention.
My mum in law (who is a lot older than my mum) thoroughly enjoys her time with my children too. She says they keep her young.
As for chatterbox, that is fast becoming my daughters new name. The teachers at playschool and nursery think she is great as she keeps them entertained with stories, there are certainly no secrets in our house!

alwaysbrassic

P.s. hope you get your better night!

Spendless

What age are your neices out of interest? If your mum had you and your sister and then got female grandchildren first, it might just be that she's not used to a 'lively' boy and it's easy to forget what 2 year olds can be like when the others have bypassed that age.

Have you considered chanelling their energy into something constructive? Something like tumble tots for the eldest perhaps?

alwaysbrassic

They are all quite similar ages. I think my little boy has been a shock to all of us, me included! I didnt realise boys had quite so much energy! My parents are used to girls though, so that's something to consider. Thank you.

Oldernotwiser

If someone says, "Boys will be boys", I think I'll throw up!

LondonDiva

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If someone says, "Boys will be boys", I think I'll throw up!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.


Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"


But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.


What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.


Hold that thought for just a moment.


This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.


Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.


That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.


"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."


"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.


"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.


Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.


"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"


Most kids do.


"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"


"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.


"What's your favorite book?" I asked.


"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"


Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.


Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.


I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.


So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.


Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.


And let me know the response you get at www.Twitter.com/lisabloom and Facebook.


Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time
.
For many more tips on how keep yourself and your daughter smart, check out my new book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, www.Think.tv.

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If someone says, "Boys will be boys", I think I'll throw up!

I agree. I think it is as troublesome to suggest that all boys are the same as it is to suggest that girls should be above and beyond a range of behaviours that are acceptable among boys. I think it does both boys and girls a massive disservice.

Alwaysbrassic: I had a much better sleep, thank you.

Mojisola

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

I think it is as troublesome to suggest that all boys are the same as it is to suggest that girls should be above and beyond a range of behaviours that are acceptable among boys. I think it does both boys and girls a massive disservice.

My boys' eyes used to glaze over when someone started to talk to them about football - but all boys love football, or so people think!

It's not only girls who get stereotyped.

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think that I'm not the only one who doesn't understand what you're getting at. Are you actually saying that you disapprove of an adult saying to a child that s/he has to wait for a bit while the adult is talking to someone else?

Reminds me of the time my son was told to be quiet by a teacher. He persisted, the teacher got angry and shouted to my son to shut up. My son still persisted. The teacher got so angry he knocked my son over. As my son lay there he said, "But Sir, there is a boy lying unconscious in the corridor."

Sometimes it is a good idea to listen to children.

Oldernotwiser

mumps wrote: »

Reminds me of the time my son was told to be quiet by a teacher. He persisted, the teacher got angry and shouted to my son to shut up. My son still persisted. The teacher got so angry he knocked my son over. As my son lay there he said, "But Sir, there is a boy lying unconscious in the corridor."

Sometimes it is a good idea to listen to children.

This seems really unlikely but, if it was true, being listened to would be the least of his worries!