Mother in law driving me nuts - HELP!

cte1111

MELLA wrote: »

My mother-in-law upon visiting our home to see the baby came in didn't look at the baby and just commented (in the middle of a dirty winter) how my windows could do with cleaning and I was slacking........

I had just been through 23 hours of labour with no pain relief whatsoever......

LOL @ Mella, sorry I could just see the scene and you spontaneously combusting in the corner.

Seriously though, when I had my DS I thought my MIL was a bit of a PITA but now get on OK with her. If she's driving you mad about breast feeding specifically then you and your OH need to tell her together that the subject is closed. You're happy / trying your best to breast feed and you don't want any more comments on it.

For the rest of it, perhaps she's trying to be sympathetic / helping in her own way. Can you accept her help in other ways? e.g. ask her to do some shopping or something else.

jackyann

If we, as mothers, make the same choices as our mothers / MiLs did, it validates them ; just as the choices our daughters / DiLs make will validate or apparently criticise us.
We are all trying to do the best for our children / grandchildren, but information, research & support varies across generations & situations.
Stick to your guns (or boobs!) and don't hand over baby until YOU are sure it is right so to do.
MiL wil sort it out in her own time - it's her problem, not yours.

oldtractor

Carry on brest feeding at all costs. Tell MIL to b***er off and mind her own business. Tell her she cannot have the baby overnight. It will upset her but so what? You will feel better and thats what matters. I speak form experience. my own sister put me through hell with my babies [she has non] she even wanted me to let one go and live with her !!!!!!. Wish I'd had the courage to tell her where to go .

onlyroz

Some people can surprise you and be more enlightened than you would have imagined. E.g. my father-in-law was in his 70s when our son was born - he was a little bit shocked when I whipped out a boob in his front room to feed the baby, but took it well in his stride. He told me that he was "surprised" that I was breastfeeding, but was pleased, and new that it was best for the baby.

Cara79

I sympathise! I had an emergency c-sec not that long ago & my mil drove me crazy turning up late at night & then telling me she's a hungry baby over & over again & that I was starving her by bf. She even took my baby & gave her water before I knew it. Once she had the bottle it was very difficult. Dh didn't help much.

Now I completely ff. Please please be strong & don't let mil wear u down.
Xx

RAS

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

IHad DS two weeks ago, and I am currently breast feeding. MIL seems to have a problem with this for some reason and is trying to "encourage" me to switch to formula.

.......... MW and health visitor seem pleased with his progress weight-wise, but will she listen?


She is doing my head in, and OH is telling me to agree and ignore, but it feels horrible for her to try and tell me I'm not doing a good job.

How about talking to your midwife and health visitor and ask the HV to speak to OH? Get her to tell him that they are really worried about you, because MIl is trying to disrupt your successful breastfeeding?

Desperado99

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

MIL has always been the interfering type, I assure you. Everything has to be done her way or she just moans and nags, then !!!!!es about it if ignored. Either that or she starts the dramatics (getting upset, going in the huff etc.)

Oh dear..... I can entirely empathise with you.

My MIL is like that, and will wail and scream to get her own way (really).

When I was pregnant she became obsessed with our cats (we had three at the time, two of which I had inherited when my mum had passed away earlier that year) and took to asking to have one because we couldn't possibly cope with them all. Eventually, she wrote to my dad (he worked away, so couldn't look after them himself) and asked him if she could have one. Cue a weekend of hysterical pregnant woman followed by OH ringing his mum to tell her to stop it. It's the one and only time I have beaten his mother at the whole wailing thing (I was signed off work with high blood pressure not long after ).

The trouble is, if you don't manage to nip it in the bud it can escalate..... we've not had a good relationship with MIL since then (going on 11 years) and were completely cut off from her for 4 years. She is still not allowed to come to our house and only speaks to OH on his mobile. It's not pleasant, and I don't see our 'situation' ever changing.

She needs to understand that your baby is your child first and her grandchild second, and what you say goes.........

Best wishes to you.... I hope it all works out

heretolearn_2

WELL DONE on how things are going - and you are allowed to feel tired and a bit run down. BF really pays off once established - it's best for babe and SOOOOOOO easy.

I understand you are stuck with how to deal with MIL. One the one hand you want to tell her to !!!!!! off, but on the other hand you can't really do that. OH is not being helpful just telling you to ignore it. He needs to speak to her firmly and tell her to stop making these sorts of comments. If you have to, have a meltdown in front of OH about MIL and threaten to ban her from the house if he doesn't make her stop, as it's effecting you and the baby. You should be his priority now, not her.

I'm sure she doesn't quite realise what she is doing to you. At least I hope so.

Grandparents' jobs are to ooh and aah over the baby, take photos to show around, and offer to help you with the washing up/laundry/hoovering. And keep their opinions to themselves unless you ask them for advice.

Your OH could try telling her that.

'she was up all night worrying, apparently' - this is the bit that would really get up my nose, silly cow. Either deliberate emotional blackmail, or that woman seriously needs to get a life.

You could try grinding her down with the little kids 'why' technique. Everytime she says something daft like this, ask why. And then ask why about the response to that. And keep going, while shaking your head in an amazed 'you are bonkers' way. At the very least you'll have some fun winding her up in return.

'I was up all night worrying'
'Why?'
'Well because I think he's hungry and that worries me'
'Why does that worry you?'
'Because he won't grow'
'Why do you think that, when he is growing?'
'errrrrr....'
'Why do you think you lay awake obssessing about a healthy baby?'
'I don't'
'But you've just said that you do. Do you think you should see a doctor?'
'Eh?'
'Only it sounds like you might be a bit depressed to be laying awake all night worrying over nothing...have you been depressed in the past?'

Just turn it back on her. I'm sure she'll either get the message or disown you all.

barbiedoll

Love heretolearn's post!!! That's a brilliant idea, and hopefully she'll either think that you're crazy or she'll get the message and back off.

LittleMissInDebt

It's so annoying, but at the same time I agree with your husband. Just ignore it, while smiling sweetly - or if you have to say something point out politely that she's had her turn raising children and you're sure she did things her way then...

Myself and DH have five children between us - so I am mostly beyond caring about peoples comments on how I look after my babies. I've co-slept with all of them, used to pretend I didn't with the first, but this time I didn't even bother getting a cot until DS was 4 months and then only because between him and DH's snoring I wasn't sleeping - did suggest DH move out but he didn't agree

Anyway everyone has an opinion but it's up to you and your OH how you care for your baby and no one else. Let them waste their breath if they want, but don't let it get to you!