Mother in law driving me nuts - HELP!

Seanymph

FWIW I never got expressing sorted out - I just kept my babies to myself for ages.... but like I say, I banned her because it was easier. I breastfed because I was idle really, it took no time or organisation, I could go out whenver I wanted and didn't have to pack anything, and at night just had to scoop the little bundles into bed and never even had to wake up properly much less pad about sterilising things.

I am too useless to have ever mastered bottle feeding and dragging it around.

Dont let anyone make you give up - once you get it sorted (and that's another whole story) - but once you stick with it and it gets easy then there can be nothing to make life easier.

Make-it-3

Eyeliner, your story is all too common one.

A lot of it comes from:

Ignorance - most of our mothers bottle fed because that was what was encouraged in those days

Guilt/shame that you are doing better for their grandchild than they were able to do for their own child

Jealousy - because its something they can't get involved in.

It helps a little if you could understand where they are coming from. That said, its your child and you (and your partner) will bring them up as you see fit. So graciously accept their advice and then explain that latest research shows that xyz.

And don't feel rushed into expressing or handing over your baby for long periods of time unless that's what you want.

neverdespairgirl

balletshoes wrote: »

can I make a suggestion? Replay what your MIL has said, in your own Mum's voice. If your mum said any of these things to you, would you feel differently? How would you discuss it with your own Mum if it were her saying these things and "driving you nuts"?

My mother said that about her own MIL. When I was coping with a newly-born Isaac, she said that things from her own mother that sounded like supportive tips, sounded like criticisms when they came from my Dad's mother.

claire16c

Id probably print off some literature that shows how much better breast feeding is in terms of childrens health, learning, development, and all sorts and tell her to read that the next time she sticks her nose in.

I seriously cant believe anyone would try to dissuade someone from doing the best possible thing for their child?

Or, dont let her in your house next time! I would not want to spend anymore time letting her wind me up if I was you.

neverdespairgirl

nearlyrich wrote: »

. Fortunately my mum was a star and just helped but always said do you want me to ...wash up, make a brew whatever.

That's the best kind of support with a newborn baby - the, "tell me what you most want me to do" kind. Whether it's cooking dinner, putting the washing on, or holding the baby while you have a shower.

neverdespairgirl

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

*"when can you express your milk?" (i.e. "I want the baby for the night, so hurry up"),
*comments about so and so who gave up breast feeding at three weeks
*DS was unsettled last night because of trapped wind, so according to her, I'm not making enough milk to feed him and she was up all night worrying, apparently. MW and health visitor seem pleased with his progress weight-wise, but will she listen?
*Her insinuating that I have PND and look tired (yes, that's possibly because I'm on iron tablets for anemia which she well knows).

OP, I think every mother ever in the entire history of mankind has found having a newborn baby is tiring and emotional, as well as wonderful and joyous.

Could you try to see the above as supportive, rather than critical? Expressing concern that you are tired and low, rather than having a go at you?

DevilsAdvocate1

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

I swear I will commit murder and blame it on my hormones if she doesn't back off!

Had DS two weeks ago, and I am currently breast feeding. MIL seems to have a problem with this for some reason and is trying to "encourage" me to switch to formula. So far I've had:

*"when can you express your milk?" (i.e. "I want the baby for the night, so hurry up"),
*comments about so and so who gave up breast feeding at three weeks
*DS was unsettled last night because of trapped wind, so according to her, I'm not making enough milk to feed him and she was up all night worrying, apparently. MW and health visitor seem pleased with his progress weight-wise, but will she listen?
*Her insinuating that I have PND and look tired (yes, that's possibly because I'm on iron tablets for anemia which she well knows).

She is doing my head in, and OH is telling me to agree and ignore, but it feels horrible for her to try and tell me I'm not doing a good job.

My mum was a bit like this. She really did not want me to breastfeed. She told me about a magic formula which would make my baby sleep through, apparently her best friend's daughter used it. Mum said she would pay for it if I couldn't afford it.

Then my nephew, who was 4 at the time, asked his mum if she would give me some of his baby brother's bottles as Auntie Mandy can't afford them for her baby. :rotfl:

By the time I had my third, my mum knew I would be breastfeeding. In fit of temper she accused me of breastfeeding purely out of spite, so that she would be denied the joy of feeding her grandchild.

Don't let her get you down.

barbiedoll

"Her insinuating that I have PND".........tell her that you are indeed very depressed and that you have just read about a woman who murdered her MIL and got away with it using the defense of PND, that should shut her up!
:rotfl:

I know BF is hard, tiring, stressful and demanding and an interfering MIL is the last thing that you need. Other posters are absolutely right about older women not understanding it, she is possibly jealous too, everyone knows that BF is best (as long as it suits mum of course!) and she may feel guilty because she didn't do it/wasn't able to do it.

Restrict her visits or if you absolutely have to see her, try to go into another room to feed, telling her that you and the baby need peace and quiet to get BF established. Don't listen to her saying you don't have enough milk, you're always playing "catch-up" in the early days, simply because babies grow so fast! A restless night and a windy baby is perfectly normal, it would possibly be worse if you were using formula so don't be coerced into anything that you don't want to do, including expressing. Newborn babies shouldn't be away from their parents too soon anyway, there's no chance of her getting her hands on your baby yet, she will have to wait for a while, it's your baby, not hers.

Take a deep breath and ignore her. And give yourself a pat on the back for getting this far, you're clearly doing a great job! :T:T

Gillyx

Another one who has no idea why anyone with a brain inside their skull, would try and discourage breast feeding.

Also I'm possibly (not sure?) younger than other posters in this thread and my mum breast fed, as did OH's mum (she had 4) so was it the norm then to formula feed? I honestly thought it was a fairly modern thing i.e formula? (By that I mean 80's ish)

Caroline_a

I had a MiL like this. She arrived on my doorstep on the first day DH went back to work at 9 in the morning, walked in, ran her finger across the mantlepiece and said 'you haven't dusted':eek:

It went on like that for the whole of DD no 1's babyhood. I used to do the uhuh and ignore and do my own thing, so by the time no 2 came along she had sort of given up on me :rotfl:

But she assured me that all her 3 sons were potty trained by 12 months old. Yeah sure they were... because they were picked up out of bed 4 or 5 times a night and held over the potty... what a daft thing to do!

Hang on in there OP, looking back, I'm sure I wouldn't do anything differently now, either with the babies or with the horrible MiL!