Mother in law driving me nuts - HELP!

claire16c

Gillyx wrote: »

Another one who has no idea why anyone with a brain inside their skull, would try and discourage breast feeding.

Also I'm possibly (not sure?) younger than other posters in this thread and my mum breast fed, as did OH's mum (she had 4) so was it the norm then to formula feed? I honestly thought it was a fairly modern thing i.e formula? (By that I mean 80's ish)

Thats what I thought until I read the replies on this post after yours explaining about mums being encouraged to use formula in the 60s/70s.

Ive honestly never known anyone to encourage the use of formula, ever. I know my mum breast fed, I was an 80s baby. And all my parents friends all seem to have done the same with their 80s/90s/00s babies because lots of them have done it round their house when I was there and they were visiting.

Would be interesting to know what my Nan did, but dont really want to ask her as would be kind of a random question as Im not pregnant or anything lol

neverdespairgirl

Gillyx wrote: »

Another one who has no idea why anyone with a brain inside their skull, would try and discourage breast feeding.

Also I'm possibly (not sure?) younger than other posters in this thread and my mum breast fed, as did OH's mum (she had 4) so was it the norm then to formula feed? I honestly thought it was a fairly modern thing i.e formula? (By that I mean 80's ish)

I don't know how old you are, either!

I'm 33, and my mother fed all 4 of us, from the late 70s to mid 80s (in turn, not all at once.....)

She says it was more common and "normal" to formula-feed then than it is now.

neverdespairgirl

claire16c wrote: »

Would be interesting to know what my Nan did, but dont really want to ask her as would be kind of a random question as Im not pregnant or anything lol

Why not ask her?

My mother and father were born at the end of the 1940s, and breast-fed (as most babies were then, I think).

johanne

my MIL was the same, when pregnant she repeatedly asked me could you still get formula from the clinic cheaper and what one would we be using so she could stockpile some from the shop as she kept assuming i wanted to breastfeed for the moneysaving side of it

she was very put out and constantly made comments about whether LO was onto fomula yet and made snidey comments to everyone about it "oh yeah she is feeding her yourself you know all this new rubbish about it" and "formula never did my kids any harm!" etc with them disaproving eyebrows and tut of hers........ oh and how i was excluding her son! (i did actually express for OH to feed least one feed a day when he got in from his 12 hour shifts at work!!)

Her and her daughter formula fed so she didnt understand (shes 72 now and sil is 41) and she kept telling OH to have a word with me. Luckily hes a trained nursery nurse so understood how good it is for babies My mum bottle fed us all in the 80s/90s but was supportive of my desicion too... although would grab any oppurtuntity to jump in with an expressed bottle whenever she could hahaha

imagine MIL horror though when i was still breastfeeding up to LO being 18 months old. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Nicki

McKneff wrote: »

To be honest, I think your being far too oversensitive and all these other posters are adding fuel to the fire.

This is her grand child, she isnt going to alienate you. She may possibly be devastated that you have misinterpreted everything she has said.

Time to start giving Granny the benefit of the doubt

OP gave birth 2 weeks ago! Instead of being so quick to criticise her for being oversensitive, and the rest of us for egging her on, how about some empathy for how she is feeling faced with this barrage of unwanted comments by her MIL and maybe just some criticism for her MIL for not being sensitive enough? MIL is not coping with the hormonal disruption of a birth, sleep deprivation, and any physical discomfort from stitches or a c section which OP may still be having after all, and has enough time away from the baby to think about what she's saying and whether it is being well received or not.

onlyroz

My brother was born in 1976, and when my mum struggled with breastfeeding she was immediately told by the nurse/midwife "don't you think you should give him a bottle - he looks hungry", and my mum was only too keen to go along with the advice. When I was born (1979) my mum had done some more research and was determined to breastfeed, and found the hospital staff far more supportive.

To the OP - it is YOUR BABY, but you need to remember that your MIL most likely does have your best interests at heart. She is a product of her generation and most likely knows very little about breastfeeding. I think the best approach would be for you (or your husband) to gently inform her about the latest research into breastfeeding, and tell her that you intend to keep it up for as long as you can. But still let her know that you value her input.

onlyroz

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

By the time I had my third, my mum knew I would be breastfeeding. In fit of temper she accused me of breastfeeding purely out of spite, so that she would be denied the joy of feeding her grandchild.

I find this attitude truly shocking, and find it hard to believe that anybody would say such a thing to their child :eek:

Memory_Girl

Seanymph wrote: »

FWIW I never got expressing sorted out - I just kept my babies to myself for ages.... but like I say, I banned her because it was easier. I breastfed because I was idle really, it took no time or organisation, I could go out whenver I wanted and didn't have to pack anything, and at night just had to scoop the little bundles into bed and never even had to wake up properly much less pad about sterilising things.

I am too useless to have ever mastered bottle feeding and dragging it around.

.

OMG!!! Seanymph we must be twins:D This is EXACTLY how I felt but never really admitted to anyone.

BTW I did the "one more week" broken record with MIL when we went to visit her in SA ( I ended up BF for nearly two and a half years BTW - hows that for sheer lazieness??)

TBH looking back hers was a cultural thing - at that time if you BF it was because you couldn't afford formula ( and it was something that her maids did IYSWIM) IN fact one of the best memories I have is running into her maid in the shopping centre and both of us settling down to feed our babies and have one of those "Mummy conversations"

Long winded way of saying that once you are over the first few weeks of "cocooning" and are out and about with the litlie - you will suddenly start seeing women BF everywhere and you will gather strength from that.

Next time she starts - just imagine us all standing behind you in our pinnies and rolling pins "tutting" at her like the Speywifes we all are.... and if that doesn't scare her off :rotfl:

Congrats on the littlie BTW

MG

Seanymph

MG I could hug you for agreeing........ everyone else does the 'better for the baby' and I just sort of sit and nod knowing full well that my motivation after those first few weeks were purely about being able to get more sleep and take off whenever I fancied to do whatever I wanted.

It was so much easier.

Oh, and the formula companies still do the pressure sales - but not in this country apparently because we have wised up. But in third world countries they actually give formula away free to new mums in hospital and then charge them once they have stopped producing milk. Awful isn't it.

CH27

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

I swear I will commit murder and blame it on my hormones if she doesn't back off!

Had DS two weeks ago, and I am currently breast feeding. MIL seems to have a problem with this for some reason and is trying to "encourage" me to switch to formula. So far I've had:

*"when can you express your milk?" (i.e. "I want the baby for the night, so hurry up"),
*comments about so and so who gave up breast feeding at three weeks
*DS was unsettled last night because of trapped wind, so according to her, I'm not making enough milk to feed him and she was up all night worrying, apparently. MW and health visitor seem pleased with his progress weight-wise, but will she listen?
*Her insinuating that I have PND and look tired (yes, that's possibly because I'm on iron tablets for anemia which she well knows).

She is doing my head in, and OH is telling me to agree and ignore, but it feels horrible for her to try and tell me I'm not doing a good job.

What was your relationship with your MIL like before you had your baby?