Mother in law driving me nuts - HELP!

Plans_all_plans

My MIL never breastfed either of her 2 kids, but she really liked to watch me breastfeed and she'd ooh and ahh over it! My mum'd have been a NIGHTMARE if I'd dared to formula feed, as she is very pro breastfeeding and we were both b/f (I'm 26, sister 24). Not that I could be bothered faffing about with formula anyway!

I know both my grandmothers breastfed (they had their children in the late 1940s right through to the mid 60s - big families!)

OP, don't listen to her. If it were me, I'd say to my MIL "you seriously need to back off about the brestfeeding now. I'm sure you're only trying to help, but your comments aren't helping, so it'd be appreciated if you'd stop making them." There is no doubt that I would stand up to my MIL if I didn't agree with her, just like she would to me, so I suppose you need to lay out the ground rules with people early on. Just tell her to stop with the comments and so what if she takes it the wrong way...she's not worrying about your feelings and she'll think twice next time!

eyelinerprincess

Thanks for all the replies.

MIL has always been the interfering type, I assure you. Everything has to be done her way or she just moans and nags, then !!!!!es about it if ignored. Either that or she starts the dramatics (getting upset, going in the huff etc.)

OH has been trying to placate her (he works in the same place as her atm so gets all the drama more than I do), but I've had him on the phone while at work asking if I'm OK and I would tell him if I was feeling depressed etc. and it's been her that's put this into his head.

I know she's desperate to look after him, and because he's her first grandchild, she had probably been hoping that she was going to from day one. She was convinced we were going to bottle feed, and had even bought some bottles (which have been used for hand expressing once when my milk first came in and my boobs were killing and leaking like a fountain).

I don't think I'm misreading much of what she's been saying as OH feels the same, that she's trying to grind me down until I give in, and notices the little digs she tries to get in.

WhiteHorse

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

MIL has always been the interfering type, I assure you. Everything has to be done her way or she just moans and nags, then !!!!!es about it if ignored. Either that or she starts the dramatics (getting upset, going in the huff etc.)

She's a control freak. There will be no reasoning with her, so tell her where to get off.

MELLA_2

These people will continue if they can get away with it.

My mother-in-law upon visiting our home to see the baby came in didn't look at the baby and just commented (in the middle of a dirty winter) how my windows could do with cleaning and I was slacking........

I had just been through 23 hours of labour with no pain relief whatsoever......

The problem is that kind of thing sets the tone. And I will never forget it, all she seemed to do was moan and never offer any help whatsoever. Both my parents died when I was young and I never had grandparents cause they died young and all I ever really wanted was for my future kids to have grandparents. You would have thought that with me having no parents she would have helped more or been more thoughtful but they werent. They wouldnt babysit and everything was on their terms. We had to go to them at christmas and birthdays etc - always us making the effort.

Unfortunately awful youngsters/adults dont turn into lovely old people. Old age doesnt suddenly make them wonderful. They are inherently just not nice.

I dont know what my advice would be, its difficult. Probs just ignore and carry on.

There is the option of a hit man.....;)

Mupette

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

MIL has always been the interfering type, I assure you. Everything has to be done her way or she just moans and nags, then !!!!!es about it if ignored. Either that or she starts the dramatics (getting upset, going in the huff etc.)

OH has been trying to placate her (he works in the same place as her atm so gets all the drama more than I do), but I've had him on the phone while at work asking if I'm OK and I would tell him if I was feeling depressed etc. and it's been her that's put this into his head.

I know she's desperate to look after him, and because he's her first grandchild, she had probably been hoping that she was going to from day one. She was convinced we were going to bottle feed, and had even bought some bottles (which have been used for hand expressing once when my milk first came in and my boobs were killing and leaking like a fountain).

I don't think I'm misreading much of what she's been saying as OH feels the same, that she's trying to grind me down until I give in, and notices the little digs she tries to get in.

I think you need to have a serious talk with her once and for all, let her have her drama's etc, OH can deal with them.

This is YOUR baby, you will do things YOUR way, if she doesn't like it tell her not to slam the door on the way out.

Sooner you say it the better, what you don't need right now is out of touch granny making you ill

CH27

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

MIL has always been the interfering type, I assure you. Everything has to be done her way or she just moans and nags, then !!!!!es about it if ignored. Either that or she starts the dramatics (getting upset, going in the huff etc.)

OH has been trying to placate her (he works in the same place as her atm so gets all the drama more than I do), but I've had him on the phone while at work asking if I'm OK and I would tell him if I was feeling depressed etc. and it's been her that's put this into his head.

I know she's desperate to look after him, and because he's her first grandchild, she had probably been hoping that she was going to from day one. She was convinced we were going to bottle feed, and had even bought some bottles (which have been used for hand expressing once when my milk first came in and my boobs were killing and leaking like a fountain).

I don't think I'm misreading much of what she's been saying as OH feels the same, that she's trying to grind me down until I give in, and notices the little digs she tries to get in.

You & your OH need to be united & set some firm ground rules about what is & isn't acceptable.

cef66

Well done for breastfeeding - so many people seem to give up so quickly, often for short term convenience, which is such a shame when the health benefits for your baby are so great. In my opinion once established breast feeding is so much easier and quicker than making up bottles. Ignore your MIL and carry on doing what's best for you and your baby.

Make-it-3

Just wanted to say that it was a bit of sweeping statement to say that most of our mothers formula fed (I sometimes forget I am probably one of the older mums here). But there was a period of time in the 1950's-60's when formula was really pushed as being being better both nutritionally and for convenience. It was seen as very "modern" for women to be liberated from the mundane chores of motherhood like breast feeding.

Women stayed in hospital for longer and getting babies onto routines was seen as the ideal, 4 hourly feeding regimes and babies kept in separate rooms to give mothers a rest. None of which is compatible with breast feeding, so even those mothers who tried breast feeding often failed and believed they weren't producing enough milk.

Gradually from the 70's onwards the research on the benefits of breast feeding began to re-emerge (after all its what women have been doing since we were on this earth). But a lot of the old myths from the 50's and 60's are still around today are perpetrated by women who had children in that era, particularly the "I couldn't make enough milk" excuse for switching to formula.

As with many things, we have come full circle and now realise that formula milk like convenience food really isn't all its been portrayed as being.

KxMx

Trying to placte unreasonable people is pointless because you are just giving them the attention they desire and they will take no notice at your attempts to do so.

I find ignoring them works best all round.

GracieP

As for how long formula feeding has been around and pushed as best, there is scene in season 2 of Upstairs Downstairs, set in about 1909, where Elizabeth Bellamy has her baby and is delighted that she can be a modern bottle-feeding woman. She gives quite the little speech about how it's the best option for new mothers and breastfeeding really is very obsolete. UD was generally very well researched so I suspect that 100 years ago among the upper classes formula feeding was a fashionable choice and probably made popular among many women who sympathised with the suffrage movement and wanted more freedom for themselves as women.

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't know how old you are, either!

I'm 33, and my mother fed all 4 of us, from the late 70s to mid 80s (in turn, not all at once.....)

She says it was more common and "normal" to formula-feed then than it is now.

Also 33 and was breastfed but my mother has told me that when she was in the maternity hospital after being born the nurse brought her a bottle for me and my mother asked her why she had brought it. The nurse replied in the most patronising manner that 'it's to feed the baby love,' as if my mother was utterly clueless. My unimpressed mother told her she obviously knew what a bottle was but wanted to know why it was brought for me when she had explicitly told the midwife that she was breastfeeding and had ensured it was written on her chart. The nurse was delighted then and told my mother she was the only woman on the ward breastfeeding. Most people formula fed at that point, but my mother and her brothers were breastfed so that's what she grew up with and wanted to to do herself. I suspect that those who breastfed when it was highly unfashionable grew up with breastfeeding parents and may also have had younger siblings who they saw being fed that way, so it was just normal to them.