Mother in law driving me nuts - HELP!

yonk

I've not had a baby for various reasons, including I knew my in-Laws would be a nightmare! Got a dog and it's bad enough.

Anyhoo, my sister is a confident breast feeder and had similar issues with her MiL. She fed until about 2yo as well, so the MiL was well uncomfortable. My sister always felt the MiL was embarrassed by the actual feeding as well as all the other issues others have discussed. Talking and reading about this, some people have very funny ideas but it's really best for the baby and does take some weeks to establish properly so hang in there!

MiL also wanted to be waited on and had my sister running about with the first small baby. Sister has just had a second and is much more confident, so MiL was told to make cheese on toast for herself last time she visited.

warehouse

A slightly different angle O.P. but I just want you to see that it could be worse.

My own parents and my Wife's parents couldn't be less interested in any of our 3 kids. They never phone, they never visit and they never show any interest whatsoever in spending time with their Grand Children let alone wanting to have them over. I'm still surprised any of them visited when each one was born. To get any of them to babysit is a major effort. I can see it breaks my Wifes heart and the kids will not remember their Grand Parents.

Much as your MiL is the opposite and over the top, at least she's there and already proving she wants to be part of your childs life. In time I'm sure she'll back off the advice a bit, (and will be easier to deal with when the hormones quieten down again), but stick to your guns and see the positives in her.

Aimless

Nicki wrote: »

OP gave birth 2 weeks ago! Instead of being so quick to criticise her for being oversensitive, and the rest of us for egging her on, how about some empathy for how she is feeling faced with this barrage of unwanted comments by her MIL and maybe just some criticism for her MIL for not being sensitive enough? MIL is not coping with the hormonal disruption of a birth, sleep deprivation, and any physical discomfort from stitches or a c section which OP may still be having after all, and has enough time away from the baby to think about what she's saying and whether it is being well received or not.

Exactly. Even if MIL didn't breastfeed herself, she should at least remember the hormonal deluge that hits after having a baby. After my first, I had a stand in midwife, plus student, visit me on my first day home and criticise everything from the temperature, to baby's chair, to my clothing. (All given the OK by my regular one next visit). She left me in floods, and my Mother, bless her, headed straight off, found her at the docs, still with student, and told her exactly what she thought of someone who knew so little as to speak to a new mum that way! I hope she still remembers that.

barbiedoll

Going back to the issue of midwives recommending formula.....when I had my son, just 14 years ago, he was quite small but he breastfed straight away and there were no issues with his health at birth, he just comes from a long line of small people!
He fed well straight after the birth and during the next day and I had no problems at all with feeding him. On the first night, all the other babies settled down by around midnight, just as he woke for a feed. I got up to get him out of his cot, when a midwife came and took him away telling me that I needed to rest and that she would feed him. I told her that I didn't want him having a bottle as I was breastfeeding but she took him anyway, I was so tired that I let her. He woke again at around 5pm and I fed him and later that morning, the midwife came round and told me that I wasn't "allowed" to go home as they were concerned that he wasn't feeding well.

I was given a feeding chart to fill in, stating how many ounces he had taken. Not knowing how to measure how much breastmilk he had taken, I just put "15 mins on left breast at 11.00, 20 mins on right breast at 11.40" etc etc. I know now that he probably didn't take a formula feed because he was quite happy with BF!:mad::mad:
They were still fussing about his feeding a day later when I demanded to be allowed home. They were quite sniffy about it and went on about "we have to show you how to bath your baby", which I didn't need as my OH already had kids. I had to sign a form to discharge myself and as I left, one of the midwives gave me a carrier bag with loads of formula samples "in case you need them". :mad::mad:

duchy

You know what your MIL probably went through your pregnancy with a dream scenario in her head that she'd be the best MIL in the world-would always be popping around and you'd drift off to nap and she'd get to cuddle and feed the baby to her heart's content
Maybe giving her more cuddle time between feeds might quiet her down ?

If you are anything like me with low iron you look constantly tired -and post baby hormones DO leave us a teeny bit over sensetive to stuff we'd normally take no notice of . So just smile, nod and do what you want to do. Everything is a bit out of kilter after a baby -you don't want the world intruding and certainly not querying how you are doing things -Just remember This too will pass.....and don't murder her (or even fall out with her)-you'll regret it when baby is a bit older and you need her to babysit :rotfl::rotfl:

FatVonD

eyelinerprincess wrote: »

I swear I will commit murder and blame it on my hormones if she doesn't back off!

Had DS two weeks ago, and I am currently breast feeding. MIL seems to have a problem with this for some reason and is trying to "encourage" me to switch to formula. So far I've had:

*"when can you express your milk?" (i.e. "I want the baby for the night, so hurry up"),
*comments about so and so who gave up breast feeding at three weeks
*DS was unsettled last night because of trapped wind, so according to her, I'm not making enough milk to feed him and she was up all night worrying, apparently. MW and health visitor seem pleased with his progress weight-wise, but will she listen?
*Her insinuating that I have PND and look tired (yes, that's possibly because I'm on iron tablets for anemia which she well knows).

She is doing my head in, and OH is telling me to agree and ignore, but it feels horrible for her to try and tell me I'm not doing a good job.

OP, my own mum was *exactly* the same, constantly asking when I was going to stop. I think she found it really embarrassing and she'd have found things much easier with a nice sanitised bottle feed. I think she also felt excluded too because I was the only one that could do it.

Hang on in there safe in the knowledge that your baby is thriving (the work used by my lovely midwife, I love that word!) on your breast milk. Perhaps someone could explain to her the difference between the fore milk and hind milk and how detrimental it would be for your baby to just have short feeds.

neverdespairgirl

johanne wrote: »

My mum bottle fed us all in the 80s/90s but was supportive of my desicion too... although would grab any oppurtuntity to jump in with an expressed bottle whenever she could hahaha

imagine MIL horror though when i was still breastfeeding up to LO being 18 months old. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

My mother fed us all (4 children) up to about 18 months, too. She says she was a "toddler feeding weirdo".

It meant, for me, that my family was well trained. My uncles etc saw nothing odd about it, and she had my Dad well-trained - whenever I started feeding Isaac when I was staying at my parents' place he'd offer drinks and pillows.

Gillyx

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't know how old you are, either!

I'm 33, and my mother fed all 4 of us, from the late 70s to mid 80s (in turn, not all at once.....)

She says it was more common and "normal" to formula-feed then than it is now.

23!

The area where I grew up, my friend chose to do breastfeeding and the way its marketed for her dissertation and even now only 18% of women breast feed which I think is shocking.

A girl I know who was planning on breastfeeding ended up bottle feeding just to get out of hospital faster :eek:

mum26

Gillyx wrote: »

Another one who has no idea why anyone with a brain inside their skull, would try and discourage breast feeding.

Also I'm possibly (not sure?) younger than other posters in this thread and my mum breast fed, as did OH's mum (she had 4) so was it the norm then to formula feed? I honestly thought it was a fairly modern thing i.e formula? (By that I mean 80's ish)

My nan was discouraged from breastfeeding my uncle and dad (my dad was the younger, born 1956) and the nurses were actually very rude to her about it. She carried on though!

My mum had me in 1977 (I was prem though), my sister in 1980 and my brother in 1992 and we were all bottlefed but she was very supportive of breastfeeding as was my mil happily. However, I was successful at breastfeeding dd2 and ds3 after bottles for dd1, then had twins but dp had lost the ability to stay awake and feed a baby with a bottle! No matter what time of day or night it was like hitting him on the head with a mallet, he was awful!

Wickedkitten

onlyroz wrote: »

I find this attitude truly shocking, and find it hard to believe that anybody would say such a thing to their child :eek:

It doesn't shock me one bit. A lot of grandmothers seem to forget how annoyed they were with their own mothers for interfering when their time to be Nana comes round.