I don't know whether this is controlling behaviour or not?

katiecoodle

OP - I have just read this thread. I wanted to say that yes, there are times when we have to compromise in a relationship - that is normal. Yes, there are times when we have to take our other halves being unreasonable. There are times when we have to apologise to them when we secretly aren't sorry but just want an easy life.
BUT then there is abuse - it seems that for whatever reason, you've put his needs & desires above yours and it just isn't reciprocated. When its this unbalanced you are exposed to the possibility of abuse & this really does sound like an abusive relationship which isn't good for you, or your daughter.
Take all the advice on here, seek professional help, prepare to make a move. I understand that you want to make a success of your life & your daughters life, and your relationship. You want to be a winner & not fail at it. But sometimes, to be a winner you have to walk away from the abuse. It would be a POSITIVE step to walk away, not a failing on your part at all. Deepest sympathies to you for your loss.

sassyblue

Sorry but l think you should leave him right away and never look back.

What a sad sorry excuse for a 'man' he is.

btw l know some funeral directors don't charge for funerals for the under 16's.

ampersand

I have at last found this, heard a couple of hours ago on Radio 4:

I will try and find the full link.

Here it is:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/listen_again/default.stm

LISTEN, PLEASE[to your own story, much parallelled] - THEN GET OUT FAST!

I see you were on-site yesterday afternoon - please stay with everyone here who is concerned for you.
###########

When you click on the link above, scroll down to 8.10h to this:

0810
The government is to review the laws on domestic violence and examine if the definition should be widened to include under-18s and psychological abuse. Vicky, who lived in a abusive relationship for a decade, describes her experience. And Diana Barran, chief executive of Co-ordinated Action Against Domestic Abuse (CADA) and Carmel Napier, Chief Constable of Gwent Police, discuss tackling domestic abuse.

When your mouse hovers over the highlighted phrase, it will allow you to hear this woman speak.

Then, PLEASE take that first brave step which will save you[ save him, too. YOU are the strong one] from his controlling addiction. You are fodder while you remain.

emsywoo123

Your thread made me cry, and I don't know you so God knows what it is doing to you.

Please leave him. Please.

sassyblue

They are actually doing a phone in on mental abuse on Radio 2s Jeremy Vine right now. OP you can navigate to the BBC radio 2 homepage and listen to the podcast later. xx

victory

How are you today? Still reading? Please listen to all the advice

duckeggblue

I wanted to share with you an excerpt I read today from womens aid,thinking about you,as we all are.
It is about mental health and abuse.
it says....
..""moreover,the harm caused by the abuse can also be used by the abuser to revictimise her.For example

He may tell her she is mad-and she may believe him
He may tell her she couldnt cope without him.
He may speak for her,or refuse to let her go out without him because she needs him to look after her.
He may tell her no-one else would put up with her.

After some time the victim may not only come to believe her abuser,but she will become emotionally dependant on him."


OP I wonder if your health diagnosis makes you fearful of how you would cope.

Mojisola

duckeggblue wrote: »

OP I wonder if your health diagnosis makes you fearful of how you would cope.

I wonder if the diagnosis is a result of living with this man.

rachel6188

my aunty ended up with 40 metal plates to rebuild her face, both lungs punctured and every rib broke after 28 years of physical and mental abuse off my uncle. she nearly died. please you need to get out. we are all here for you. huge hugs xxx

j.e.j.

duckeggblue wrote: »

OP I wonder if your health diagnosis makes you fearful of how you would cope.

Yes, and also I think she is afraid that he will use her mental health issues as a weapon against her, to manipulate the situation in his favour (very possibly by making up or embellishing stories about her behaviour) and to try and get custody of their daughter.

The people who could potentially help her (eg the CPN) she only sees when he is present.

OP I think you need somehow to get to a phone and contact womens aid, asap. Tell them (or write to them) what you have written here.

Good Luck.