My eldest has changed his xmas list

Lunar_Eclipse

victory wrote: »

Some posters say to bring it up with him and some say leave it, that I am goading for a fight

No, I think everyone here has said the same thing: do not bring it up with him again.

I can only assume that you want to and thus you have imagined that you have read that here. Same for the other 'contradictions'; I think they basically differ from what you want to do so you think you are reading differences that aren't generally there, since they differ with the way you are seeing things.

Maz

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

No, I think everyone here has said the same thing: do not bring it up with him again.

Everyone here has said just that.

He demands a laptop, you haven't got the money so that's it. End of discussion.

Just tell him that you're not prepared to discuss the matter any more, end of.

If a lad of mine treated me with such little respect, his feet wouldn't touch the bl00dy ground. Why you allow him to continue hassling you is beyond me.

lufcgirl

I'm 27, so not a parent so I don't think I can give as good advice as the others have given.

However, from what I've read and how it comes across, you clearly have two different types of relationship with each of your sons and it does (even if it's unintentional) sound as though you favour the youngest one. I'm assuming the two boys have already had things bought for them already, as the youngest must have some presents after you said you'd finished your shopping and then the eldest changed his mind. So why, when the youngest asks for a TV (which may or may not happen) and the eldest ask for a laptop does it result in you and him arguing? You could quite easily put an end to it now by saying to both sons, 'No, you have your presents already bought. I'm sorry we just don't have the cash for more'. But instead it's as if nothing is too much trouble for the youngest but the eldest is a straight row. I get a laptop is more expensive but why when the younger one asks for more isn't he instantly told no? He probably sees his brother getting away with it and is trying his luck. But because he's older he's able to argue more, resulting in the bickering you two seem to constantly have.

LeLLe

I don't think this is about a laptop at all. I think he's craving your attention/love because it does come across that you favour your youngest son.
I think he's asking for a laptop because it's expensive and in a way it'll 'prove' you love him. I think the issues are a lot deeper than what's being mentioned.
I hope you sort it out with son, you do sound like you love him but are going about things the wrong way.

make_me_wise

victory wrote: »

Eldest whine, winge, moan, the usual and he made it clear that he was 'doing me a favour' by coming back home for xmas day as he wanted to be with his gf and their lot and he felt he should come back because I want him too so much.

The need to tell him to go and stay at his gf house with his attitude was so overwhelming I went upstairs and had a bath:D

Eldest will freak out if there is to be a tv and no laptop and ruin it so what is the point of him being here?

He is very draining.

The bit highlighted above has got to be the biggest understatement of the year. Is this the same boy who was driving you to the brink, demanding what he wanted for his 18th birthday? He is still struggling to climb the learning curve of life then hey

I note that crossing his 18th birthday hasn't quite turned him into the adult he was professing to be. OP stand your ground. If he were mine he would be getting a stocking with a lump of coal, an orange and some nuts in it.

Why do you want him to come roun for Xmas sooo much. You've got to do whatever it takes to try and guarantee he spends most of his waking hours somewhere, anywhere else rather than be moaning an whinging like a baby in your ears. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for one hum dinger of a !!!!! xmas aren't you.

Tis the season to be jolly not the season to be suffering spoilt brats.

victory

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

Hope I am wrong and have a nice day yourself

You are we had a lovely time a right laugh, no laptop bought no, all good:D

victory

the_cat wrote: »

Underneath it all you are trying WAY too hard to please. Both here on this thread and with your son

In 25 pages of a thread you are bound to get lots of conflicting advice. Pick what you think will work. Just ONE plan, maybe amalgamating ideas from a few like minded people and STICK TO IT for a long period of time. Ignore the rest. Not because it is rubbish, but you can only try one plan of attack at a time. If it truly doesn't work, then read back and pick a different plan. You can't please all of the people all of the time, and you are tying yourself in knots trying to do so

Same really with your son. Life isn't fair. He is an adult now. You recognise this fact on paper, yet allow yourself to feel guilty and attempt to fix the 'problem', not by buying the stuff, but by desperately attempting to change his viewpoint and make him happy with less. You can't and until you accept that and stop taking his frustrations as a personal slur on you as a mother, you will not progress

Thank you:D

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

You are we had a lovely time a right laugh, no laptop bought no, all good:D

So what was different about the way you both behaved?

victory

Frogletina wrote: »

Of course people will differ in what their response to your problem is, if you want a majority opinion, post a poll.

Be consistent in your approach to him, don't try to guilt trip him into behaving always in the way you want him to, or being at home on Christmas day - just let him decide for himself on the day. He might delight in seeing you pulling out all the stops to make him be there. Act calmly - everyone is trying to help you, but we can all see how you are reacting emotionally to suggestions.

.

Thank you I changed tact, more ways than one to skin a cat, chatty happy away and said to him it will be lovely to have him and his gf over on xmas eve, then they go back together and spend xmas day there, everyone happy, he looked as if I had shot him:rotfl: he started to speak but could not he was like but but and so he decided himself to come xmas eve with gf, go back to hers and come in the morning, stay for dinner and go later back there, win win all is happy happy happy:T:T

victory

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Fair enough hun and I hope you have a nice afternoon.I just can't help but feel though that the "sweep it under the carpet and wait till it it happens again" approach is what got you where you are in the first place :o
Whatever happens I hope you have a lovely christmas x

Thank you it is very kind of you to say, we will and you to:D