My eldest has changed his xmas list

victory

......................

Lotus-eater

victory wrote: »

I told him that he needs to know that we are not the family that can provide for him as he would like but to know that we love him and that we would do anything for him which just have not got the finances

Do that, then tell him straight that he either talks to you all properly and shows respect, or he can'[t come there any more, as he is upsetting the whole family, of which he at the moment, isn't being a part of.

You're letting yourself be pushed around by him. He's never going to learn to stand on his own two feet like this.

margaretclare

For heaven's sake! When did Christmas presents have to become soooo expensive? If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Where does he think money comes from - off a tree? Is this the idea of Christmas - I want it so I've gotta have it? Also, I am not convinced of the need for TVs in bedrooms.

Use of the word 'No' would seem to be indicated!

Caroline_a

I would go into 'Santa' mode. So... "what you get for Christmas is for Santa to know and for you to find out on Christmas Day". He'll be disappointed but hey, life's a biatch!

I do agree with the others though. I would be telling him to spend Christmas where he wants to and get on with enjoying mine without him! Of course he needs to make his mind up fairly soon where he wants to spend it, as you don't want to get too much food in............

Plans_all_plans

Now you've said that, I know why he's doing it! If he keeps on at you long enough, you give in or try to compromise with him! He's a clever manipulator (just like most teenagers). His behaviour doesn't WARRANT a payment plan for a laptop...so don't get him one!

Tell him you might recomsider the situation if you see a marked change in his attitude, but don't show him any willingness to compromise on it at the mo.

victory

......................

halibut2209

When my eldest complains that she gets treated differently from the younger ones, I just say "If you want to be treated the same, then fine. Bedtime is now 7pm and you can't go out by yourself anymore. And pocket money is now £1 a week"

SingleSue

I do all 3 of mine equally no matter how old they are...mind you, the amounts are not spectacular, certainly not TV or laptop amounts.

My parents are the same, my eldest at 18 gets the same amount spent on him as my youngest niece who is 4 and I get the same spent on me as my sister who is 6 years younger than me and my brother who is 3 years older than me (the grandchildren get £5 more spent on them than the children)

Just seem fairer that way.

claire16c

victory wrote: »

My eldest gets envious, he has a friend his dad is a lawyer and they are well off and what he wants he gets, I understand that, eldest understands that we are not well off , that every penny is accounted for and he understand that but he says if there is one time to ease the purse strings and have a bit of luxury or lavishness it is xmas and that is why he has asked at xmas for a laptop as well as talking to his mates who more than not are getting one.

Gadgets and gizmos should be a xmas luxury indulgence he says if you can't you can't I say

I babysit some children whose Dad is a laywer, hes probably a millionaire or close to it. But the children would NEVER ask for a laptop or anything like it. Ive been to their house after xmas and yes they got some really nice presents, a video camera, phone etc. But they would never ask for it. I asked the girl before what she wanted for her xmas presents and she wanted really simple stuff like notepads and art materials (she likes drawing fashion stuff).

And Ive just written a post on another thread on here about how my parents are fairly well off (not millionaire unfortunately though :rotfl:)but i wouldnt dream of asking for a present like that.

So I honestly cant believe that your son who knows you are not in that position, continues to ask you for stuff like this all the time? Even now hes got a job? Whats happened to the wages from that even if theyre only small?

I do think though that you should spend the same on both kids.

victory

......................