becoming skint!!! advice welcome :-)

jclm_2

balletshoes wrote: »

OP is it possible that your OH thinks things have been going along pretty well up to now, even though you don't share your finances? I mean does he really know how strapped for cash you've been since you had your first baby together? Have you spelt it out? Or have you just not had that conversation together? Maybe he thought you'd just ask if you needed more money?

I agree with the others who have posted saying that you need to sort something out which works for both of you, you are a family now, not just a couple.

I think you need to have the conversation sooner rather than later too.

yes, you're probably right. probably hubby isn't aware of my money probs and thinks i've got a stash of cash somewhere!!! but it makes me uncomfortable to have to rely on anyone for money. i've only briefly told him about my money worries:

1) government overpayment of maternity leave for 2 months
2) work paid me 2 months' salary by accident when i was on maternity leave and is now clawing that back by £250 per month
3) my ebay spending
4) expensive commuting to my job - £40 minimum per week plus warm (expensive) meals when i'm at work as there is no microwave
5) my job coming to an end soon

it's hard when hubby is sceptical of the things i want to buy for the baby and it would be doubly hard if we had a joint bank account.

timnicebutdim_2

jclm wrote: »

hi,

i went on maternity leave last year and returned a few months ago.

Just a thought, did you pay the right amount of income tax for the year Apr 10 - Mar 11??

balletshoes

I've just done a quick calculation on the cost of the nappies issue - if you were using disposables instead of reusables you'd spend around £600 per child if they were in nappies until they were 2 and a half years old. So although you've had a big initial outlay, as long as you're not needing to buy more you have actually saved money by spending the £800.

But really, you need to get honest about your financial situation with your OH, now.

Gillyx

Why is he sceptical of things you need for baby? If you couldn't afford to pay for them would he? Or would you end up going without?

Next time your child needs something I'd sit him down and let him know exactly what is needed and how much it costs. What would his reply be to that?

jclm_2

timnicebutdim wrote: »

Just a thought, did you pay the right amount of income tax for the year Apr 10 - Mar 11??

i just got a cheque from them for a £38 rebate. i'm rich! :beer:

Lotus-eater

jclm wrote: »

i'm not sure what government benefits i'll be entitled to - it's possible that because of hubby's earnings i won't get a thing

:eek: Flipping heck!

Of course you won't get any benefits, nor should you, they are there to protect the less well off from living in poverty (well should be).

NOT families who are on over 65k a year!

That's FAMILIES, because that's what you are, you're HIS wife, they are (going to be) HIS children. You are all together a family.

Just where did the world suddenly change and the man (or wage earner) stop supporting their family because they don't want to.

Tbh, I've never heard anything so ridiculous. He needs a massive boot up the behind. You've left it too long.
For a start I'd show him this thread.

All the excuses you've brought up, are just those, there's no relevance to any of them.

If he continues this, not only is he a huge skinflint, but he's also very cruel. I wouldn't stay with someone like that.

A marriage is a partnership, what the hell are you? The part time secretary?

daska

Lotus-eater wrote: »

If he continues this, not only is he a huge skinflint, but he's also very cruel. I wouldn't stay with someone like that.

A very good point, possibly. At the moment he might not be totally clear on how skint you are but as soon as he is, and I do hope that will be very soon, he should change. The Government defines domestic violence as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."

JustinCredibleGillespie

Lotus-eater wrote: »

:eek: Flipping heck!

Of course you won't get any benefits, nor should you, they are there to protect the less well off from living in poverty (well should be).

NOT families who are on over 65k a year!

That's FAMILIES, because that's what you are, your HIS wife, they are (going to be) HIS children. You are all together a family.

Just where did the world suddenly change and the man (or wage earner) stop supporting their family because they don't want to.

Tbh, I've never heard anything so ridiculous. He needs a massive boot up the behind. You've left it too long.
For a start I'd show him this thread.

All the excuses you've brought up, are just those, there's no relevance to any of them.

If he continues this, not only is he a huge skinflint, but he's also very cruel. I wouldn't stay with someone like that.

A marriage is a partnership, what the hell are you? The part time secretary?

Hit the nail on the head there!;)

surfboard2

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Sorry to be brutal but I think your husband sees MUG written across your forehead. You need to have a real, frank, sit down discussion with him. 50/50 is NOT normal in a family with children. I'd show him this thread.

I would be pointing out things like how much childcare would cost if you worked full time, how much a cook, cleaner etc would cost if you didn't do it (assuming you do!), how much the CSA would take for HIS child if you split up and so on (I'm sure you can think of others).

Then you can agree how much money you are both happy to spend/save each month. Go through your entire budget.

TBH I can only hope you are trolling as I am appalled by your husband's behaviour.

By the way, are you sure he is saving and not hiding a gambling, alcohol, drug habit?

I must say, when i first read the OP's post, i thought she was just a troll.

I find this all rather bizarre.

I really have nothing else to add, other than you actually need to sit down and talk to your DH. You really should not be struggling and saying you're "skint" and "poor" when your husband is earning the kind of money he is.

[Deleted User]

Is dividing incomings the norm these days? We got married in 1970 and immediately opened a joint account which took both our salaries and that has been the same ever since. All the bills were paid from that account, joint savings and pocket money for each of us. Having separate accounts sounds so divisive to me, as though there is a lack of trust.