becoming skint!!! advice welcome :-)

Seanymph

My MIL lived in a relationship like yours.

When he left her he was able to pay cash for a new house, took his savings - and she now lives on less than £100 a week and hears repeatedly of his and his g/f's foreign holidays, travel, and meals out......... believe me they don't have to skimp on anything.

I think if anyone was to ask her frankly about it she's wish she hadn't been quite so financially trusting during her marriage, when she worked manually for little money and used that to pay for housekeeping and he worked at a skilled job and she never knew what he was doing with it, but trusted him to look after them both.

Your marriage isn't a marriage. And if, god forbid, something ever goes wrong here you and your children will be in a very bad situation.

I would advise you to revisit things rapidly, and firmly - he obviously will want to protect himself, and retain control (and the money!) - but it would be very foolish of you to leave things as they are.

Seanymph

oh, and also! If he wanted to pay for 24 hour childcare so he could earn his big fat salary he'd have to pay considerably more than he thinks he gives to you.

Blimey, I'm really very cross with him indeed.

jclm_2

RAS wrote: »

How long have you been married?

we got married when i was 7 months pregnant (sept 2010), so just over a year. why do you ask?

jclm_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

OP I see your in your other thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/31814017#Comment_31814017 he was asking for a prenup.

He hasn't changed then? Is this what you expected out of married life?

it's my first time being married (!) so wasn't sure what to expect financially, though it's come as a shock how pricey babies are and how my earnings are grossly limited by having to work part time.

Lotus-eater

jclm wrote: »

it's my first time being married (!) so wasn't sure what to expect financially, though it's come as a shock how pricey babies are and how my earnings are grossly limited by having to work part time.

Are you not listening to what everyone is saying?

Your personal earning aren't important, your joint earnings are. That's the family income and then you both have to decide how to use it.

Why did he get married if he doesn't want to share his life with you?

Sorry, but did he just get married from a sense of duty, because you were pregnant?

Seanymph

all the more reason to protect yourself in case he has got an exit plan! I have to say I'd question his commitment given his attitude.

saidan

jclm wrote: »

it's my first time being married (!) so wasn't sure what to expect financially, though it's come as a shock how pricey babies are and how my earnings are grossly limited by having to work part time.

babies aren't pricy OP - you are choosing to spend lots of money on them.

i had two in reusables at the same time - 20 nappies, 10 covers. washed every other day. They even wore the same ones to nursery - so didn't need to buy 'easy nursery nappies' like you have done.

If you have spent £800 on something your babies poo in (inc £100 on a bag and wetwipes) - i dread to think of your other bills for them- clothes, food etc :eek:

while i agree that your dh is not being financially 'fair' - i can also see that you perhaps like spending money too much - is he simply wary of that?

saidan

RAS

jclm wrote: »

we got married when i was 7 months pregnant (sept 2010), so just over a year. why do you ask?

You have children, which does make a massive difference to the rules about divorce but marriages under 2 years are usually considered "short". Therefore the settlement is a lot lower, or if there are no children the court returns both parties to the state they were in prior to marriage.

I would not suggest you discuss this with your OH but I suspect that if this relationship ended in a couple of years time with the earning disparity and two children you would get CSA of 20% of his net income plus a considerable spousal maintenance deal at least until the children reached full-time school age. You might also be allowed to live in the house for a while. You would get this on top of your own income and any benefits that you were entitled to. The CSA payments would not affect your benefits entitlement.

I am not recommending this action but you need to see the disparity between your current situation and the one you might be be in as a single parent if you are to understand how stingy this man is.

claire16c

jclm wrote: »

it's my first time being married (!) so wasn't sure what to expect financially, though it's come as a shock how pricey babies are and how my earnings are grossly limited by having to work part time.

I got married this year (for the 1st time!) and yes its not like there is a manual. But guess what - Im married so therefore my DH doesnt treat me like his employee! We dont divide up costs of things like we are flatmates or lead seperate lives with seperate money.

We came back from travelling this year and DH went straight back to his job, I took 5 weeks to find one. So would your suggestion be that I starved for 5 weeks because I had no money for food and then maybe pay him rent for 5 weeks?

You seem to think this is normal!

And Ive just read the other thread about the prenup (where everyone warned you off him then) and saw this quote

" Also, rather than me paying part of the mortgage and having my name on the deeds, he says I can live in his house, rent free and pay half of the bills and groceries. He said that living rent free will allow me to save up and eventually buy my own place, so if we get divorced, I won't need/be entitled to half of his house. "


Are you for real? In his eyes you do seem to be some type of lodger, seeing as he said you are allowed to 'live in his house, rent free.'

WHY did you get married in the first place? He has a very odd attitude and to be honest Im suprised he married you because he seems to think you are about to take all his money.

When was the last time you saw his bank balance?

On his wage you can afford holidays, sky, the lot. Hes just choosing not to spend anything. You are not poor in the slightest. So no you shouldnt expect any benefits. But you probably would be better off without him because then atleast youd get money through the CSA!

Sambucus_Nigra

Jeeeeezus.

That is all.