becoming skint!!! advice welcome :-)

Kira000

I had a similar frustration with my DH when we were discussing our finances for my forthcoming maternity leave early on in the pregnancy.
I had been saving £300pcm to go into my maternity fund (to pay for my ongoing expenses like car/insurance/phone and general household/baby stuff and whatever else it could cover) but was unable to save any more than that. DH enquired whether i was going to have been able to save enough to cover my share of the mortgage and all the bills whilst i was off.

I was stunned (and livid!!). I asked him if he had managed to save enough to pay me the £2000 every month (£12k for the whole 6 months) that i would be down from not working, and that i would GLADLY pay my half of the bills from that. Left the conversation there without getting into a row, and it took him about an hour for the cogs to turn and come back for a more sensible discussion about how we would split things going forward.

Maybe you should ask your DH the same question. In my eyes, losing your income from working, AND having to pay the same share of bills is being asked to contribute twice- your contribution to the household IS being at home, looking after the baby, so the childcare doesnt need to be paid.

(Incidentally, the reason we dont formally pool our finances in a joint account, is that i am currently still paying off a load of debt left me from shared accounts, cc's and a loan with my ex, who emptied the lot and went abroad when i kicked him out for cheating. Not only do we not want to impact DH's credit rating by formally linking with mine before it is all cleared, but as you might imagine, i'm a bit wary of shared accounts!)

jclm_2

kittie wrote: »

Is dividing incomings the norm these days? We got married in 1970 and immediately opened a joint account which took both our salaries and that has been the same ever since. All the bills were paid from that account, joint savings and pocket money for each of us. Having separate accounts sounds so divisive to me, as though there is a lack of trust.

it feels the norm to me but then my friends rarely have such intimate conversatons about money/finances so i'm not sure...

PuppyLove_2

More to the point what is a 'reusable' nappy?!

jclm_2

PuppyLove wrote: »

More to the point what is a 'reusable' nappy?!

you're joking?!?!?! you've never heard of cloth nappies?!?!?! so you wash them rather than using disposables. :D:D

PuppyLove_2

No i really havent heard of them, i mean i have no kids but second hand nappies sound a bit gross!!

jclm_2

well scraping poo off them is a bit gross! but preloved are fine, i don't mind if they are a little stained when we get them either

the_cat

jclm wrote: »

i remember we had a bad argument because he was being stingey when i became pregnant. he somehow thought i was living off him which made him resentful and was cautious of marrying me. in all other ways he's a great hubby and daddy, but i think he is scarred from memories of his childhood, with his mother scraping by and finding out about the debts of her husband.

Sounds like a right charmer.....NOT!
He is happy for you to 'scrape by' like his mother did it seems. Hmm not scarred enough by the experience to want to protect those he loves from the same, is he?

And as to treating you like some sort of parasite whilst you are giving up your career and wages to look after his children. :eek::eek:

Stop acting like a doormat and stand up for yourself! Do you want your children to grow up thinking that this is normal behaviour and something to strive for later in life?

raven83

god he sounds like a complete ****!!!! no offense op but you earn a hell of alot less than hubby and you have a full time job looking after the kids tell him that for every hour you spend with the kids you want paying for it see if he changes his tune then!!!!

RAS

How long have you been married?

Lotus-eater

OP I see your in your other thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/31814017#Comment_31814017 he was asking for a prenup.

He hasn't changed then? Is this what you expected out of married life?