becoming skint!!! advice welcome :-)

daska

Lotus-eater wrote: »

The mind boggles, how can people live like this?

How can her DH treat his family like this?

When the kids grow up, is it still going to be his money and you buy everything else? I would have a long frank chat, either his money comes into the partnership (he might want to look it up in the dictionary), or you walk. Because you're going to be better off by yourself.

Sadly this might be true, if you split up with two kids there'd be a good chance you'd get to stay in the house, possibly a share of his pension and he'd have to hand over 20% of his income in maintenance (which wouldn't get deducted from benefits).

Person_one

daska wrote: »

Sadly this might be true, if you split up with two kids there'd be a good chance you'd get to stay in the house, possibly a share of his pension and he'd have to hand over 20% of his income in maintenance (which wouldn't get deducted from benefits).

(I think he meant better off emotionally )

jclm_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I would have a long frank chat, either his money comes into the partnership (he might want to look it up in the dictionary), or you walk. Because you're going to be better off by yourself.

surely not in the financial sense? at least now i'm living rent free, paying half of the bills and with some money from my earnings. i can't imagine the difficulties of being a single mama to two young children...

daska

Person_one wrote: »

(I think he meant better off emotionally )

works both ways

Person_one

jclm wrote: »

surely not in the financial sense?

You'd get 20% of his before tax income, do you think he spends that on you and the baby now?

Gillyx

jclm wrote: »

surely not in the financial sense?

Well you'd have 20% of his income, probably the house, and you'd be entitled to CTC too probably.

spaghetti_monster

jclm wrote: »

i'm not sure what government benefits i'll be entitled to - it's possible that because of hubby's earnings i won't get a thing

because they too expect you to be sharing the finances more equally

balletshoes

OP is it possible that your OH thinks things have been going along pretty well up to now, even though you don't share your finances? I mean does he really know how strapped for cash you've been since you had your first baby together? Have you spelt it out? Or have you just not had that conversation together? Maybe he thought you'd just ask if you needed more money?

I agree with the others who have posted saying that you need to sort something out which works for both of you, you are a family now, not just a couple.

I think you need to have the conversation sooner rather than later too.

daska

jclm wrote: »

surely not in the financial sense? at least now i'm living rent free, paying half of the bills and with some money from my earnings. i can't imagine the difficulties of being a single mama to two young children...

you might be surprised!

RacyRed

jclm wrote: »

we only briefly discussed finances when i first moved into his house. i paid half the bills and half the mortgage as i was working full time then. i remember we had a bad argument because he was being stingey when i became pregnant. he somehow thought i was living off him which made him resentful and was cautious of marrying me. in all other ways he's a great hubby and daddy, but i think he is scarred from memories of his childhood, with his mother scraping by and finding out about the debts of her husband.

The bold bit - OUCH!!

He doesn't want to support his wife and children?

Does he want to run your marriage like a business? If so, start charging him, for everything. Loss of earnings due to producing his child, housekeeping, shopping, childcare, sex - you get the picture.

You poor love, you married a skinflint!