becoming skint!!! advice welcome :-)

jclm_2

hi,

i would like a moan (!) about finances with kiddies and to see whether anyone else is in the same boat...

me and hubby don't have joint bank accounts, we just pay half each for everything. he is a high earner (65k) and i don't earn much (18K when not on maternity leave obviously ). i went on maternity leave last year and returned a few months ago. during that time my maternity benefit was only £500 a month so i used my savings to top up my living expenses and spending etc. now i'm pregnant again and will be going on maternity leave in spring next year.

recently me and hubby decided that because i earned so little i would just pay half for the bills, excluding car as i don't use it (bills are £180 per month) and that he would cover the entirity of the mortgage. i feel sad that my savings have shrunk from £3000 to nothing in 9 months during my maternity leave, whilst hubby is managing to still save lots. but then, hubby has brought lots to our marriage (house, car, furniture etc) and i have brought nothing.

hubby has been getting annoyed that i keep spending on ebay (second hand cheapo stuff for the baby, and expensive but second hand luxury reusable nappies!). the reusable nappies are saving us some money, though, and can be sold on later. because hubby was getting so cross at my luxury nappy purchases i now pay for all of the reusable nappies myself. the stash has cost about £800 or more... (enough nappies for two kiddies - including the nappies we use at home and the 'easy' nappies for nursery, plus accessories such as wetbags, reusable wipes etc). i suppose the spending on these nappies got a bit out of hand but my baby has cheapo everything else. i love buying :p:p but i'm running out of money now!

so the issues i'm having with finances are:

- i would like to start rebuilding my savings but it seems impossible with such a low paying job... is it fair for me to ask hubby to pay for the mortage and bills himself? (at least during this period of our lives)

- my job is a three year contract which will finish shortly after i return from my second maternity leave. due to our location it is improbable that i will find another job in the next few years and will have to leave the career path to be a sahm :(:(

- i don't really make much from my job (factoring in commuting costs and childcare costs etc) but still love to work. in the future i would make more money if i managed to find a job closer to where we live.

- any tips on how to resist the urge to spend?! (even on cheapo ebay stuff!) :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

sorry for the long post!!! but any advice is welcome :o:o

balletshoes

paying half the bills each when there is such a huge disparity in your earnings doesn't seem at all fair to me, when you don't have joint accounts.

I'd be suggesting a percentage of all the bills ie you earn around 22% of the total household income with your 18k, so how about you pay 22% of the entire household bills (including 22% of the mortgage, car expenses etc) and your OH pays 78% of the same entire household bill amount. I'd probably round it to 20 or 25% for you, 80 or 75% for your OH, if that makes it easier.

You're clearly not happy with the current financial split in your household, and I wouldn't be either.

daska

sorry to be blunt but what on earth are you talking about when you say you brought nothing to the marriage - you brought the womb! No, sorry, he had the option of having the children personally did he? Offered to do that to save you giving up work perhaps? suggested you move so that you could work as well?

What is absolutely fair is that YOU, i.e. both of you, should be working at this together, not one of you going skint while the other squirrels cash away. Having said that, obviously if you're spending out on things you don't need then it's fair to both of you to cut that out, but buying reusable nappies is hardly profligate.

Bufger

Well you're married - whats mine is yours etc. You should sit down and work out everything on a percentage of income rather than a fixed some. If i earn 50k and my wife earns 25k it would be reasonable that i pay 75% of total joint outgoings so our percentage of personal spending money is fair. If you're spending outside of your percentage that is unfair but if you're paying more than your percentage in bills thats also unfair (if you see what i mean).

Also.. if you're 'becoming skint' on a joint income of 85k then you seriously need to look at your outgoings. Whats the bet that you currently have the highest price sky package, a £50 per month mobile phone each, regular subscriptions to magazines you never read etc etc. You need to do a SOA and post it on the debt free wannabe board so people can tell you how you can easily save money each month.

Our joint income is 65k and we have a mortgage, child, 2 cars and another child on the way and we get by just fine (and even manage to save £300 per month). You can easily do that too

onlyroz

Doesn't sound like much of a partnership if your hubby views the entire £65k as his and his alone.

Alikay

I take it this baby is one you've had with your lover? Certainly seems that way since your husband doesn't appear to contribute to baby's direct or indirect running costs at all!

Perhaps you can get hold of a dictionary, find the word "share" and have a full and frank discussion on implementing the concept within your marriage!

moneypuddle

I agree with the other posters. A person's "contribution" to a relationship can be measured in far more ways than purely financial. I think you need to re-assess ALL your finances with your OH, because in my humble opinion, the way things are run at the minute clearly aren't working for either of you!

Good luck

jclm_2

Bufger wrote: »

Well you're married - whats mine is yours etc. You should sit down and work out everything on a percentage of income rather than a fixed some. If i earn 50k and my wife earns 25k it would be reasonable that i pay 75% of total joint outgoings so our percentage of personal spending money is fair. If you're spending outside of your percentage that is unfair but if you're paying more than your percentage in bills thats also unfair (if you see what i mean).

Also.. if you're 'becoming skint' on a joint income of 85k then you seriously need to look at your outgoings. Whats the bet that you currently have the highest price sky package, a £50 per month mobile phone each, regular subscriptions to magazines you never read etc etc. You need to do a SOA and post it on the debt free wannabe board so people can tell you how you can easily save money each month.

Our joint income is 65k and we have a mortgage, child, 2 cars and another child on the way and we get by just fine (and even manage to save £300 per month). You can easily do that too

thanks bufger for the advice. i know this income is huge (and i grew up in a poor household when i was a kiddie so i know) but we are living frugally. pay as you go phones, no landline, no sky, one car (i don't use it as i want to save petrol), no subscriptions to anything... but my commuting costs are expensive and on the days that i look after the baby i pay for bus, lunch and soft play which comes to £8 minimum per day. i suppose it's because hubby is saving money but i have no idea how much...

Person_one

Forget the percentage of income plan, it can work but there's no point in your situation.

You're married, you have a child, you're a family, you're a unit. You both need to start thinking in terms of 'us' rather than 'me'.

Every penny that comes into the house should go into a joint pot. Mortgage and bills come out, so do the essential household expenses such as nappies and food, and then from whatever is left you each get a bit of pocket money (the same amount!) and the rest goes into JOINT savings.

Equal partners don't have massively differing levels of wealth and lifestyle. You both need to start thinking of money as for 'the family' not as 'mine' and 'his'.

I'd ask if you were married to my ex but the timing isn't right.

Gigglepig

It doesn't sound like you are 100% a team together, which is a shame.

If for some reason you do not want joint finances/a shared account, consider asking him to pay all childcare expenses (since he is the one working FT) - this way it will be easier for you to find a FT job and build a career.

If you also consider getting a cleaner etc. and make sure he does at least 1/2 the grocery shopping, cooking and all other errands - perhaps it may become readily apparent that you contribute a lot to the marriage by being a sahm.

If he does not want to pay out of his earnings to allow you staying at home that is fine, but then he can't expect you to support his career either by putting your own time in. Time is money.

Carl31

Person_one wrote: »

Forget the percentage of income plan, it can work but there's no point in your situation.

You're married, you have a child, you're a family, you're a unit. You both need to start thinking in terms of 'us' rather than 'me'.

Every penny that comes into the house should go into a joint pot. Mortgage and bills come out, so do the essential household expenses such as nappies and food, and then from whatever is left you each get a bit of pocket money (the same amount!) and the rest goes into JOINT savings.

Equal partners don't have massively differing levels of wealth and lifestyle. You both need to start thinking of money as for 'the family' not as 'mine' and 'his'.

I'd ask if you were married to my ex but the timing isn't right.

Exactly this, i never understand couples that have these weird divisions of fincances

As for bringing nothing to the marriage, the things you mention are purely material items, things that could go in the scrap tomorrow, is that how he guages your worth? against bits of wood and metal?